Craig Kozicki Blog

WOW IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 10 May 2012 21:39:20 GMT

I didn't think anyone was reading anymore and then someone told me to post about Quartermania on the Blog. So I thought I would do that and catch you up a bit on what has been going on.

I still miss Craig very much. As I am typing this I am having a rush of feelings and fighting back some tears. It is hard for me to believe it has been 3 years. Where does the time go? I have tried to move on in my life, I have in some respects and not in others. Life for me will never, ever be the same. I feel like I have lost "friends" but I have also gained a few. Death is an adjustment that one can NEVER really prepare yourself for no matter how hard you try. I am much more lonely than I ever thought I would be. It is truly a couples world and although I have friends that have been very gracious in including me in their lives, I still feel alone, even when I am out....I don't know if that even makes sense to anyone reading this. But, I am finding my way and healing.

Emily and Kyle are the highlights of my life. I just wished they lived closer. Madison is not easy to get to for me. A 6 hour car ride is about 2 hours to long for me to do by myself, although I have done it a couple of times. No direct flight either. But they love Madison and enjoy every minute I get to spend with them and my granddog Hazel. Emily and I are getting closer and closer and that makes me smile. I know Craig would be happy too.

Now about Quartermania. I am still honoring my promise to Craig and I will be hosting Quartermania again this year on OCTOBER 6, 2012 at St. Roberts Church on First Capital in St. Charles. (the same place as last year) I am looking for donations if you are interested please email me at cskozicki@gmail.com I am looking for themed gift baskets or gift cards. If you can help me out please let me know.

Thanks for listening...

Believing....Shelly

Quartermania Was a Huge Success

Shelly Kozicki — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 22:42:33 GMT

We did it! We raised about $15,000 to help find a cure for mesothelioma! Thank you to everyone who helped make this event a reality. Whether you wrapped a basket, collected quarters or attended this event would not have been complete without you. So CHEERS to each one of you.

I will be going to Washington DC again in June to present this check to the Meso Foundation. This brings Craig's Grant total to over $225,000. All I can say is WOW! That is a testament to my friends and family for supporting me in my efforts. As many of you know I told Craig that he would not die in vain and I would keep fighting until a cure was found and I could not do that without your help...so once again, thank you!

While in DC, I will once again try to talk to Missouri's Congressman and Senator about banning the importing of asbestos into the United States and the need for research money. Wish me luck! Capitol Hill is not always receptive and they tend to shake your hand and say they hear you, but I usually leave there wondering if they really do.......

Thanks you again from the bottom of my heart!

Believing in a cure,

Shelly

QUARTERMANIA

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 09:09:00 GMT

Well it is that time again. Time for Quartermania!! Get your quarters and dollars ready for a great time and also a time to help find a cure for mesothelioma.

As many of you know, I promised Craig that I would continue to help find a cure for this disease. Quartermania is one of the fundraisers that helps me do just that. Here are the details.

Where:       St. Roberts Church   1424 First Capitol Drive   St. Charles, MO
When:         Doors open at 6 pm
Why:            To raise LOTS of money and have LOTS of fun in hopes of finding a cure for meso!
What:           For those who have never been to Quartermania let me try to explain.

Quartermania is a fast paced "auction". We have collected and assembled about 80-100 baskets and donations valued from $10 - $150. Each person is given an auction paddle and their corresponding number is dropped into a bucket.

Each item is then given a value it could be as little as quarter or some maybe a $1.00 some rarely are higher. Then we start holding up items. If you would like a chance at the item you drop your money in the basket at your table (honor system) and then hold up your auction paddle. We then start pulling numbers. If we pull your number you win!

Unlike trivia nights is a quick moving night. Cost is $10 per ticket which includes some light food and soft drinks. You can also bring anything you want into the event. TABLES OF 8 CAN BE RESERVED.

Please email me for tickets as soon as possible as this event has sold out in the past. I hope to see you there. Thanks!

cskozicki@gmail.com

Believing,]

Shelly

MARCHing forward..

Shelly Kozicki — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 22:09:00 GMT

I just returned from Madison visiting Emily and Kyle. It would have been Craig's 55th birthday on March 6. So Emily and I celebrated by shopping for US! Craig would have loved that...he never wanted anything anyways. So I know he would have loved to have seen us having a wonder mother-daughter day. Lunch and shopping with lots of memories and laughing and very few tears.

Time is healing both of us.

I am leaving in a couple of weeks to go to Aruba with my siblings. All of us will be spending a week together with no other agenda. I can't wait. We never do that anymore. We always have a wedding or worse yet a funeral pulling us together. So now it will just be for FUN! With 4 of us living in 3 states it is not easy to get together anymore "just because". So this should be an awesome week.

I told you I would let you know more about the QUARTERMANIA!! Well it is happening.

When: May 21, 2011
Where: St. Robert Catholic Church 1424 First Capital Drive St. Charles, MO 63303
Why: To fund Craig's research grant and help find a cure for mesothelioma.

How to get involved----PLEASE---COME to the event. Ticket are $10

If you can donate an item (gift cards, themed items, etc.) or a basket to be raffled that I would be so grateful. Please contact me at cskozicki@gmail.com for tickets or donations.

Believing.

Shelly

Just when you thought nobody was reading??

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 16:32:00 GMT

Shelly,

I couldn’t find another way to contact you, so thank you for contacting me.

You see, I recently spent several hours “with you” recently reading your blog from start to finish -- and then the various web listings I saw you (and sometimes your husband) when you appeared for the MARF (My late husband had Meso and passed 11/18/2002.)

I began reading it because I noted your husband’s name listed on the MARF magazine with so many large donor amounts in his name to MARF. I wondered who he was and why so many were inspired to give so much. I wondered if I could have done better to raise funds.

Then I wondered how your husband was able to survive so long. (My husband died 5 months after diagnosis and he only had mild symptoms a few months earlier. We tried valiantly and went from New York to Houston in our short journey.)

Then I read it all the way your through to the end to see what your book was going to be about. I would like to read a story that turned out quite differently than ours had – but I guess it is the same in the end. I’ll be one of your first purchasers.

So, really, I wanted to say that I admire what you have accomplished, that your pain is the path I’ve been down and I commiserate with you, and if it helps at all: in the years to come, you will find yourself smiling every time you think of him with far, far less pain and sadness.

I also wanted you to know that I really believe in your Craig bird story as I have a similar story centered around dimes. I’ll tell you more if you’re interested. I still get my “messages.”

Chris Hahn and Roger know me as Cathy Dorf. Herb Dorf was my late husband. I remarried last year. Oddly enough, two months later I was diagnosed with a rare and deadly liver cancer -- for which I miraculously lived through after its removal. That was not the anticipated result but I was fortunate and am grateful. No one knows why but I have to wonder as there are some ties to the oil drilling that they are doing “near” where I was living then as that has become our new normal. Too many children were found to have leukemia during that time and I have to wonder if they used benzene, a known cause of many things, including liver cancer.

I would love to hear back from you and perhaps I’ll make the next Symposium and actually meet you. To you, Shelly, I raise my glass. Bravo for your fundraising, your courage, your website, and your book!

Cathy Dalton

After the holidays...

Shelly Kozicki — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 23:03:00 GMT

Well, 2010 has been my first full year without Craig by my side. I have experience all of the holidays, birthdays, weddings and funerals throughout this past year....and I survived!! God knows if I could have MY way I would reverse the clock to pre 1998 before cancer entered my life and just restart my life from there, but I can't and I have to move on and I am.....doing the best that I can.

Emily and Kyle were in from Wisconsin with their dog Hazel. It was a beautiful white Christmas and we recalled fun memories about past Christmas's and the funny things that Craig use to do that made us laugh. I was happy they we able to stay for about 9 days!! We saw a lot of each other and Emily and I had mother and daughter time too...the best gift of all.

For all of you that know me well...my tree was down and Christmas was over on December 27. Emily and Kyle had my tree taken down and then helped me with the rest of the decoration before they left. This was a huge help!

It was hard for me to say goodbye when they drove off. We have always had another trip planned to see each other, but not this time. I know it will not be long, it just not knowing for sure when the next time will be. We talk often, but it just isn't the same as a hug. I miss having her here....

2011....

Wanting to continue to grow and get stronger. That is what I want for me. I NEED that for myself. People ask me why I don't move back to Michigan. My answer is that I have family in Michigan that may retire soon and I am afraid they will move and leave me there!! Here I have friends that love me and are like family and treat me like family, so I don't want to move.

I am going to go to Aruba in March...yippee. My siblings and their spouses are going with me. I can't wait. I can't tell you the last time we have all gotten together for something just fun with no outside agenda. I think we will have a blast.

June will be another Meso symposium in Washington DC. You can count on me being there! I will continue to be a voice for those who can no longer speak. I also like to see everyone come together, it is like a little reunion, although it is sad too. Continuing to raise funds for Craig's Grant is very important to me. There is very strong talk about a Quartermania in May. Further information about that will be forthcoming. Thanks again for all those that contributed in 2010!! (link at top on page for those that still want to) you know me I will always ask

May all of you have a healthy, happy 2011.

BELIEVING

Shelly

Pictures of the Run

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 03:45:00 GMT

The Race Across Florida

Shelly Kozicki — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 22:34:00 GMT

Congratulations to team Clodding for Craig!! I will try to capture a truly an amazing adventure if I can, but first I would like to thank my daughter Emily and nephew Scott for pulling this together and somehow getting every detail covered.

All of the team, including the support team, arrived sometime on Thursday the 18 th. During the day 2 large 11 person passenger vans were coordinated to be picked up at the airport and then all day long the team of 15 well were picked up, fed, or dropped off at hotels until about 11:00pm.

Friday at 6:00 am the vans then started to pick up the team at 2 hotels and head to Scott's for final preparation before we actually headed off on our trip to New Port Richey (new Clearwater). We all finally saw each other as a family/friends for the first time so there were plenty of hugs and kisses to go around. But we were on a tight schedule because we had a 10:00 am start and we had a 2 hour drive ahead of us. We made sure that the vans were packed with the essentials (which Scott had already done) but a quick double check and we were on way. Two vans full of anticipation, excitement and chatter.

We arrived at the check in point. It had large orange Ragnar balloons, tents and many people buzzing around. I quickly found my way to the shopping tent! I bought a sweatshirt to remember this event, just in case I should ever get dementia . Many teams were milling about getting ready for the big start. We took pictures and then we wondered over to the start line. Our excitement grew. Our first runner, Melissa, my nephew Joe's fiancee, was our first runner. She stretched and I placed Craig's ashes around her neck...yes, Craig would be running as well.

They began the countdown 5,4,3,2,1 . Then with all of screaming and yelling Melissa took those first steps of what was to be over 200 miles of running.......in Craig's memory and for a cure.

Wow, my family I thought, I am truly blessed.

We then went and tried to meet each runner along their path and cheer them on if possible. The roads were everything from trails to highways. Pastures and through some bad neighborhoods. But each time the runners pressed on without complaint. Muscles grew tighter with each leg of the race, sleep deprivation was tougher on them then they thought it was going to be. I suggested getting a hotel for a few hours. Each van then got only about 3 hours of sleep and a quick shower, but never was a runner off the road. One van was at the hotel, while the other van was out with their runners. Pressing on as Craig did...always getting it done.

It was now Saturday afternoon. Exhaustion was peaked, but van 1 had finished, all their runners were done and headed for the finish line at Daytona. Van 2 was out still pounding away. The anticipation was great as we waited for them. We called for status updates. Kyle, Kevin, Frank, Holly,Scott were now done, we were just waiting for Emily to come down the boardwalk. The sun was setting quickly and as each team crossed we anticipated seeing her.

Finally, off in the distance we saw her headlamp turn the corner. Up the boardwalk she came and at a good pace too. Everyone started cheering and the team ran to meet her. As a team united in Craig's memory, they started running up the boardwalk, then up some stair and across the finish line. They did it!! Over 200 miles in 31 hours and 24 minutes at pace of 9 minutes and 24 seconds per mile. AMAZING!

I know Craig would be busting with pride and humbled by the outpouring of support once again. I would like to again thank each and everyone of you who participated in this adventure. It is something I will never forget. Emily and Scott thank you especially for all of your hard work. To all of those who have donated to help finding a cure thank you. You can still donate to this cause and help fund Craig's grant. http://app.www.curemeso.org/fundraising/kozickigrant

BELIEVING

Shelly

Just me again

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 23:19:00 GMT

As some of you know Oct. 25 would have been mine and Craig's 30th anniversary. I decided to go to New England to see Bob and Kathy Thomson and Joan and Frank McCarthy for about 5 days during that time. I had a wonderful time. The color of the trees where still amazing. I went to Newburyport, NH and it brought back instant memories of day trips I use to take with Emily when she was a toddler; she and I would get ice cream and she loved to run around and chase the pigeons.

I had lobster 3 times...YUM!!  I spent time with Mike and Katie Thomson which was special and John McCarthy who plays for the San Jose Sharks, scored his first NHL goal!!! Very cool. Thanks for a wonderful time everyone.

Now I am preparing for the really big holidays again....

Last years were tough as you can only imagine. This year I know will be easier as time does heal. I never thought that statement was true, but it is. You NEVER forget, but you hold on to the memories and cherish them. Songs, smells, certain things (snap candy for example) instantly make me think of Craig) . I day does not go by that I do not still think of him several time. I still cry sometimes too, but I am moving on and living my life like Craig wanted me too.

I know this years holidays will be different yet again. Emily & Kyle are in Madison, WI and I will not be spending Thanksgiving with them...another first. But we will be together for her birthday the following week and for Chirstmas. Also we will be together for the event below the week prior.

I would like you to ready the event below and if you would like to send a donation to Craig's 3rd Grant, thank you! We have already raised $3,000 and would like to raise much more.  If you have not heard Craig's Grant is still moving forward with promise. It is also finding success for ovaian cancer. I am so proud of all the hard work and dedication of my friends and family that continue to support this much needed funding!

My daughter Emily and my nephew Scott have organized an event in honor of Craig. For those of you who don't know, my husband Craig passed away last year from Mesothelioma after a courageous 11 year fight with this disease. Over the years we have participated in and hosted numerous fundraisers and events, but since his passing have wanted to do something different that is more representative of Craig's heroic battle and his passion for life.

Emily and Scott came up with the idea to participate in the Ragnar Relay - a 12 person relay race in Central Florida in which the team will run 202 miles consecutively over approximately 34 hours. Each member of the team will run between 9 and 23 miles on the journey from Port Richey to Daytona. For more information on the race itself, follow this link: www.ragnarrelay.com/race/florida

Although the physical accomplishment of this feat is amazing to me, it is the makeup of the team itself that touched my heart. This idea was sent out in an email to some close family and friends and within in days, the team roster was full of both runners and volunteers alike. The team will consistent of people from all corners of this country who are coming together to remember Craig and raise awareness about this awful disease.

The team name Clodding for Craig was picked by Emily. Emily and her dad used to run together when she was younger and loved to laugh about how they would both "clod" along. The name though means more than that. The idea of "clodding" along slowly and painfully, but with great stamina and determination to finish, describes not only how Craig ran, but how he fought his battle with cancer. It also depicts that attitude that is inspiring the team during training and soon, on race day.

I am asking my fellow friends and family to support this amazing event in an effort to help raise awareness for Mesothelioma. With your help, we will be one step closer to finding a cure. Please make a donation by following the link below for Craig's 3rd grant, which is being kick started by this exciting race being run by many of Craig's loved ones and supporters. I thank you all in advance for your continued support.

All tax deductable donations can be sent directly to.www.curemeso.org/fundraising/kozickigrant   (cut & paste)

BELIEVING.
.
Shelly

3rd Grant Now Rolling!

Tom Talbot — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 04:31:00 GMT

Ol' bloggie is older and grayer but still kicking.

The site has been modified on the front page to reflect at the very top Craig Kozicki's 3rd Grant.

The link on the toolbar on the vertical menu on the left side of the page will take you to the curemeso link for the grant.

For those of you subscribing who may not visit the blog page all that often, it's www.craigkozicki.com

Here's the direct link that's the same as the link on the left side vertical menu: http://www.curemeso.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=280040&supid=301638356

So, please follow this simple three step process:

1) Get your debit card out of your wallet / purse.
2) Sell everything you never use any more on e-bay or craigslist (Brad you can sell that old truck to the Smithsonian by now for more than you originally paid for it) and donate
2) Go to the link.
3) Put what you can spare towards the grant

Ok that's more marketing than Shelly would want me to put on the blog but you get the idea.

Separately, we'll be publishing details here as they get worked out regarding the next Quartermania and any other fundraisers towards the grant!

Hope all is great with all of you.

Tom

Summer

Shelly Kozicki — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 00:47:00 GMT

Emily and Kyle finally sold their condo...YEAH!! I went up to WI to see them last week. It was a nice visit. Both of them ran in a half marathon. It was Emily's first time and she did a great job. She finished in 2:12, 3 minutes under her projected time, so she was very happy.

Kyles brother Brent ran too, so Mike and Jan (Kyle's parents) were up there as well, along with Brent's girlfriend Ann. It was nice to see everyone. It has been a very long time since we have all been together.

I did have alone time with Emily which I was hoping for but wasn't thinking would happen. We spent Sunday together looking at their new home, shopping, eating fancy chocolates and saw the move--Eat, Pray, Love. We then had dinner with Kyle. It was a great day.

A few weeks ago I had a get together with several Solutia friends. I feel blessed that they still want to get together with me and even though Craig is gone they care about me. We always have fun and enjoy our time together. This time we had a Low Country Boil dinner. It was delicious!! Shrimp, corn, potatoes, beans, mushrooms, onions, boiled and literally thrown on the table to be eaten. Fun was had by all.

I went to Ohio in July and I am heading back this weekend to see Mary Jane and Loring. Mary Jane is a meso patient that has been in remission for 6 yrs. YEAH!! We will be boating, jet skiing and having way too much fun. A good send off to the summer.

The third $100,000 Craig Kozicki Memorial Grant is about ready to have it's kick-off. It will be kicked off in an amazing way. One that I am most proud of. Emily has always wanted to do something to honor her father, but she could never quite figure out exactly what would capture all her dad went through. She and my nephew found an organized run that is 205 miles long and spans the state of Florida. It starts in Clearwater and ends in Daytona.

TEAM: Emily, nephews Scott, Frank, John, son- in-law Kyle, nieces, Mandi, Holly, Katie,Melissa, brother-in-law Mike, Caitlin and Kevin very special friends. With support van drivers drivers: brother Doug, nephew Joe niece Laurie, cousin Amy (also a masseuse!). Cooking a fabulous dinner for all of us is my sister Linda and niece Martha (7 months pregnant).

We will be coming from Nevada, Colorado, Missouri, Michigan, North Carolina,Wisconsin as well as Florida to run in Craig's memory and fund meso research.

I wanted to give you some insight as to why Emily, along with the help of my nephew, chose this run. Emily wanted to find an event that would somehow signify Craig's battle with cancer. This run is 205 miles long and will take over 33 hours for our team of 12 runners to complete. It will be a commitment of time and a struggle of endurance. It will be a challenge and at times lonely as they run throughout the night. It will be painful as all runners will be pushing themselves, some will be running longer than they ever have before. The shortest distance a runner will run is 13.1 miles, the longest distance will be 22.3 miles.

I know when Craig started chemo, after his first treatment he said "Well, I'm 16% finished." I can't help but think that if he were running, he would be thinking in percentages. I know he will be with each of them as they train and run. I know he would be proud...I sure am. To have my family come from all over the country to participate in something like this is beyond words. I am so happy that each one of my siblings or one of their children has committed to this....It has touched my heart.

So to the whole team....train hard, be safe and remember you have an angel looking out for you!!

Believing...in a cure

Shelly

p.s. I will have further information but a new website is dedicated to Craig's 3rd Grant. Donations can be sent to:

http://www.curemeso.org/fundraising/kozickigrant

All donations are tax deductable. Please feel free to pass this along to anyone!! Thanks

Time is flying by

Shelly Kozicki — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 13:31:00 GMT

Whew...where has the summer gone! I can't believe it is already starting the 2nd week of August. It has been a HOT one here is St. Charles!! I have been keep fairly busy though. The symposium in June was really great, as I stated in earlier posts. I had family in and more is coming. My sister Phyllis is coming in Sept. and bringing my mom. She is dropping her off and then I will have her for 2 weeks.

Emily & Kyle are running a 1/2 marathon in 2 weeks and I will be going up to WI to root them on. But that is not all they are doing. With the help of my nephew Scott they are doing something quite AMAZING. They are participating in a run called the Ragnar Run. It is 205 miles that goes across the STATE of Florida, from Clearwater to Daytona!! They are doing this in Memory/Honor of Craig. To symoblize the pain, stuggle and yes triumphs he indured during his battled with mesothelioma. It get even better.

The team is made up of 12 runners...my family! From all over the country are coming in to run and be support van drivers. It brings tears to my eyes still. I have amazing family and friends. The team will be running for approx. 33 straight hours!!

The runners are not going to be able to fundraise for this event but I am hoping I will be able to help get sponsors as they are running and training every chance they get.

Also a QUARTERMANIA...yes you heard me QUARTERMANIA is in the works for February, March or April. Still looking for a hall that will hold 300-350 people. Do you know of any....especially one that would be donated?? I have one but it is $600.

FUNDRAISING.....why?? You may be asking yourself why am I still fundraising. Well, I would like to tell you. Firstly, I promised Craig I would keep fighting to help find a cure and at this point I can still do fundraising. At some point I may just write checks (which I do), but for now I can do SO much more and I also think by fundraising it spreads awareness. Plus, it is a great way to see all of you and I think you seem to have fun!!

Secondly, I have so many people I love that are still battling this horrific disease. I hope that I (we) can fund research that may help find a cure or medication to extend their lives.

That leads me to my prayer request. Robbie Cagel's disease is active and he calls Craig his hero. I am devasted. Please keep him and his wife Jill and his family in your prayers.

BELIEVING....Shelly

p.s. One more Prayer request. Another dear friend just found out she has breast cancer yesterday...her name is Kathy. Thank!

Summertime and Living is easy . . .

Phyllis Critchfield — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 18:22:00 GMT

Hi! Been a long time since I was on here and a lot has happened since. I am so glad you keep so busy Shelly and are living life! You have made it through the storm and it has made you stronger. I sure miss seeing you.

I wanted to attach some photos for all who are missing them

Owen is now 4 and getting ready for school in the Fall. He will be a young 5, but that kid is so smart and socially ready they are putting him in kindergarten this year. Here is is latest photo.

Everett is 2 and full of energy. He looks a lot like his mother. This doesn't show it, but his eyes are blue as the sky!

Here is the family - Frank - Mandy - Owen and Everett. Doesn't this photo just make you smile???

Devon is 2.5 now and loads of fun. Here he is swimming with Daddy.

Vanessa is 1.5 yrs and just a doll. Here she is with Devon (couldn't get her swimming photo) They are just too sweet for words.

That's about it - just was thinking of you all and wanted to share.

Love,
Phyllis

Glad to see an entry!!

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 16:19:00 GMT

It was so nice to see a blog entry!!

I know exactly how you feel about "things" that were Craig's. But I know he would INSIST that they be thrown away. His motto was "If you haven't used it in a year, pitch it." Some things were only 6 months!! Needless to say my house was not and still is not very cluttered.

I can't begin to tell you how much I value my continued relationship with Craig's work friends. They continue to include me in dinner invitations and check in on me and offer to help me, which I think is incredible. I have some "friends" that live less than a mile away that I have lost contact with....breaks my heart. You find out who your true friends are, that is for sure. The ones you least expect step up are the ones that do.

BIG NEWS!!!!

After years of going to Washington DC and talking and talking we finally had a breakthrough!! Last week we got enough Congressmen signatures (50 one from each state) to sign the HR 771 Resolution making September 26 (i think) NATIONAL MESOTHELIOMA AWARENESS DAY!!!!

So you may be thinking to yoursel "What is the big deal about having a National Meso Day?" Well, it means that each one of us has sat down with our Congressman and explained what Mesothelioma is and told them our personal story and the dangers of asbestos and they LISTENED!! I personally have been to Todd Akins office and for years and this is the 1st thing he has done for me. It is a baby step, but it is a step in the right direction. This also means, that on that day we can and will be able to approach news stations, papers, etc with our stories and push for more awareness because now it is a Nationally recognized day. I am REALLY excited, this has been a lot of hard work by so many people and I am proud of everyone involved for not giving up. Our fight has just begun!!! On to the BAN of asbestos coming across our borders. (don't even get me started....)

About Deb R. Deb held the trivia night for Craig and has always supported us. I know if he were here he would have the right word to help her. I have tried to reach out to her, however she is a very private person. So please keep her and her family in your prayers. She is, as you can imagine, very frighten and needs support. I think of her often and wish I could do more.

I am going to Ohio to Mary Jane and Loring, Robbie and Jill, and all of the European cruise friends in Ohio. I am really looking forward to seeing them, it will be a great time. Patti is also riding with me. MJ has a house on a lake and so do the rest of people (friends) we went on the cruise with, so it is a cruise union.

I guess that is it for now. Don't be afraid to blog back.

BELIEVING...... Shelly

p.s. hi Karen Jacobs....We did it!! Tell your mom about HR 771 maybe that will help brighten her day!

Ramblings & Request

Carol Bleisch — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 00:22:00 GMT

Hello to anyone still getting the blogs.

I MISS CRAIG! Okay that is truth! There are so many things that my mind wonders to "if Craig was here he would ____." His business balance was respected by both salaried and hourly. One guy told me that if he ranted and raved Craig would come up after the meeting and sit down with him and talk it through - allowing the guy to keep his opinion and yet stating the "sane" things!

I had a dream a few weeks ago and Craig "walked through" the dream - I knew I was dreaming because I thought "this isn't true Craig is not here anymore."

I also decided to clean up my "Craig" email folder. It had almost 3,000 emails. I started the folder when Craig had to stay in the NYC hospital for 6 months - can't remember if it was 2006 or 2007. So, I clicked into the folder and selected all and then stopped and thought "do I really delete these." I decided yes and with one click they were gone. I wasn't getting rid of "him," but I knew if he could talk to me he would tell me to get rid of that. He didn't like clutter, and (I remember he cleaned out a kitchen drawer for Shelly and threw all her current coupons out LOL

Deb R one of Craig's closest work friends is battling lung cancer - she was diagnosed the Tuesday after Craig's celebration of life. She has been valiantly fighting. Last two scans the cancer is growing, her chemo has been switched twice in two months. As she goes through this I think, if Craig was here he would be a HUGE help to her, he would advise her and help her face the news of growth and then encourage her to keep trying and to not give up. So please pray for healing for our friend.

Shelly came to the plant and took me to lunch the end of March, she drove Craig's sports car, had cute jeans on, her hair pulled back, and sunglasses on - - - the security guard wanted to know if she was "MY DAUGHTER." What a great laugh and compliment to her - she is lookin good

Emily & Kyle, so glad to hear updates on you from your Mom. I'm praying for the condo to sell - wish I could buy it

Still praying and believing!
Carol<><

Fun 4th

Shelly Kozicki — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 03:42:00 GMT

I just wanted to let everyone know it was a wonderful 4th of July here. I hope everyone had a great weekend as well. I had great family time, complete with a water balloon fight!! The weather could not have been more perfect upper 80's and no humidity. We played tennis,barbecued, shopped and basically packed about as much as we could into a couple of days as we could have.

Emily & Kyle went to Chicago for the weekend and had a great time as well. Hazel does not like fireworks... I wish their condo would sell so they could get into their new home and settle in and Hazel would have a yard too. The apartment life does not sound like much fun for them.

Well that is it.

Believing.... Shelly

July 4

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 20:51:00 GMT

I am excited because I am having company in for the 4th of July. My sister Linda, brother in law Mike, niece in law Holly and 4 great nephews, Michael, Nick, River and Grey!

YEAH!! It has been along time since I have had a family party. I have been shopping and cooking and planning. They will only be here about 2 1/2 days but I think I bought enough food for 12 days! If anyone wants to stop by on Saturday afternoon, please do.

Believing,

Shelly

p.s. I hope everyone read blog entry "Still Here" not just "Forgot Something" so you are caught up..

I forgot something

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 05:11:00 GMT

Craig's Grant is still moving forward!!!! I talked to Dr. Ho and he is going to email with the progress. But it is still promising. I can not tell you how exciting this is. This has been being studied now for about 2 years and is still moving forward.

Can you imagine if this grant, "The Craig Kozicki Grant", had an impact on slowing this disease down or possibly curing it! Just what that have learned about the disease from THIS grant is amazing and if were not for ALL you that helped me to get it done, this grant would never have happened.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only from me, but I can tell you from each and every person I met that has been touched by this horrific disease.

Still here!!

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 04:07:00 GMT

This blog is WAY overdue. I have had several people ask me if I had quit blogging....the answer is no! I really do have quite a bit to catch you up on so sit back and enjoy one my usual blogs.

Let see...Emily is officially moved to WI and is "settled" in to her "cozy" one bedroom apartment until her condo sells. So if anyone knows of anyone interested in a cute condo near Forest Part in St. Louis, we happen to have one that is just right for you!!! She seems to like her new job, but misses Kiyle and Hazel terribly. Kyle will be done with school at the end of this week and will finally be able to pack up some of his things and move up there too. His class won't start until late August or Sept. so he will be working part time. They are both training for a half marathon. Life is good for them

This is my first father's day without my dad. I have to say it was a bit strange. I missed calling him. The day just doesn't have the same meaning when you don't have a father...I know this day is just another day for Emily and I. We did go and spend the day with Jan and Mike Steele, so she spent it with her father-in-law whom she loves, and I do to, so that was nice.

A bit of some more sad news. Craig's dad went into Intensive Care today as well. He fell late last week and was getting weaker and weaker. After speaking to Ted, (Craig's brother who takes care of his dad) he told me he was having some blood in his urine, so I thought it was a good idea for him to take him to the hospital asap...this was on Sat. Turns out he has a collapsed lung! But I am still not sure if this is were the blood is coming from, I am just glad he is in the hospital. More news to follow....

The Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation Symposium was held in Washington DC again this year. It was there 10th anniversary. It was filled with big news. The foundation is moving to DC so it can be more visible and have a bigger voice on the hill. It also has a new Executive Director. Her name is Kathy and she is replacing Chris Hahn after his ten year tenor. I think this will be a good thing for the foundation. The move be a huge benefit and the new director has worked for nonprofits in the past and seems to be endorsed by the all Board of Directors and Staff I was able to talk to.

I personally made my FIRST baby step forward in Congress. We as the Foundation are trying to get a National Mesothelioma Awareness Day on the calender. It may not seem like much, but to have a day recognized each year allows so much more visibility and awareness. So when I went and spoke to Todd Akins second in command for the 3rd year, I told her that I would like to have him co-sponsor this bill. I also said that I would really appreciate it if she would share Craig's story and I had some facts for her to share about asbestos and expose that she was unaware, she agreed to share these with the Govenor as well . I then asked if she could please have him get back to me in the next day or two. WELL GUESS WHAT....HE DID!!! And he sponsored the bill...YEAH!!!!! My first visible success in Washington DC. (we did other things too )

I was and still am very happy about that and hope to see that bill in front of Obama soon to be signed.

As usual the symposium itself was very emotional. Tribute day was especially tough. I will never get use to just bringing Craig's picture instead of Craig there. His name on the Tribute Wall still brings me to tears every time my eyes catch his name. He is still spoke of as such an inspiration and those who weren't fortunate enough to have met him in person, tell me stories that other people have told them that give them the hope and fight to battle on.

My book is going very slow....but is still being written.

I hope everyone has a wonderful, safe and blessed summer. I will try to write more ofter. You can post too!

BELIEVING....

Shelly

P.S. For the 10th anniversary I am still $12,000 short for Craig's second grant. If you would like to help me finish this grant, please visit www.curemeso.org. You can then go to the Fundraising prompt on the lower right, click it. Then you will see a list, my name is on it Shelly K, Any amount will help. I hope to do a fundraiser of some kind next year. Thank you in advance for helping me keep my promise to Craig in helping spread awareness and find a cure. Love, Shelly

Just Me

Shelly Kozicki — Wed, 05 May 2010 19:25:00 GMT

Well...I am just checking in. I am missing my dad today. I have been working outside during the week and remember how much my dad liked planting flowers and working in the yard. Craig always hated yard work...he did it, but would much rather be playing golf or just playing!!

I went to a fundraiser this weekend and bid on an Olympic Hockey Stick that is signed by all of the 2010 Silver Medalist American Team. I WON!! (I out bid) There are only 7 in the world so I think it is really cool that I have one. All proceeds went to a "No Kill" animal shelter. So my bid went to a good cause...right??

I sent my registration in for the Meso Symposium in Washington DC again this year. I will be in charge of a breakout session again, I just am not sure which one yet...time is a tickin'.... The symposium is June 9-12 and I hope I have time to prepare for whatever it is that they would like me to do.

Emily got a really good job offer!! She is very excited. Now she and Kyle just have to sell their condo and all the pressure of moving is off. Except for the actual move. She seems to love the area and is excited about the new adventure. I am going over to their home for a Mother's Day brunch---prepared loving by them...YUM!! Nothing could be better than that.

My book is going sooo slow. It is hard for me to get motivated. I working on it, but it is two steps forward, one step back. I decided I am not going to rush myself. I will get it done when I get it done.

My fistulas keep coming and going. I went to the doctor yesterday and he said I could have surgery now or wait and see....I choose to wait. This has been going on since December so I figure, what's the rush. My Chrohn's has been okay, but not great.

I started yoga, playing a bit of tennis and started to swing a golf club on occasion. So I am trying to do some things for me now. I guess that is about it. Just giving you an update.

I hope you are all doing well and having a great spring......

Believing

Shelly

Couldn't say it better than than this!!

Shelly Kozicki — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 18:26:00 GMT

Unknown Author:

I wish heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again...I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought of you yesterday, a day before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memories a keepsake, from which I will never part. God has you in his arms...I have you in my heart!

I will love him always.

Enough Already!

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 02:05:00 GMT

Okay...I am going to start off venting and then I will be done I promise.

Firstly, I lost my soul mate, then my crohn's disease becomes active again (which I am still battling), Emily and Kyle are moving and last week my dad passes away!!! I GIVE!!!! I know none of this is news to anyone of you who have been following the blog, but I have to just get it out there.....I am as mad (sad) as hell. There I said it!

I know I can't do anything to change what has happened or what is going to happen, but I just needed to get it out there to my blog family. I really am doing fine, I go back to the doctor in a couple of weeks and I should know more then. It was nice to see my family even though the circumstances were not the best. My mom seems so fragile. My parent were married 65 years. I hope she finds the will to overcome her loneliness, nobody but she can make that happen and at 83 I know that will be hard for her to do. I do worry about her.

I am happy for Emily and Kyle, just sad for myself.....selfishly. I know for them this will be such I wonderful time in their lives. I hope they sell their condo soon and that she finds a good job.

I am planning on going back to Washington DC to the Mesothelioma Symposium in June again this year. Once again this will be an event that is filled with mixed emotions for me. I always leave there so frustrated. I feel like I (we) keep delivering the same message to "stop importing asbestos" and to "please help fund research" but nothing changes year after year. I hope in my lifetime I see change......

Well I guess I will get off of my pity party band wagon and go to bed Thanks for reading.

believing

Shelly

Hello & Prayers

Carol Bleisch — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 01:10:00 GMT

I missed blogging for the anniversary because my home internet was cut by a backhoe and I didn't get it back for 7 days. And, the server at work wll not allow the blog to be accessed. The 1st was very strange for me - because at work I still find Craig's name on things - I went to the mail room and there was his name on a mailbox. MThe most honest response I can give is I just miss my friend!

Shelly, LInda, Phyllis, and family my prayers are with you. I remember Pip dancing and having a great time when Shelly and Craig renewed their vows - he had such a great time that evening.

God Bless,
Carol<><

Sad News

Pamela Ryan — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 00:46:00 GMT

To all our dear friends, I wanted to let you all know Shelly just called and her Dad has passed away. I do not know any details yet other than the services will be in Michigan.

Shelly was able to get home, to Michigan. on an emergency flight and spend time with her Dad before he passed away.

As soon as I know any details I will pass along.

Please keep Shelly and all her family in your prayers.

Phyllis and Linda, I am sending all my love and prayers to you all. He was a special man. Take care of Yvonne. I told Shelly let me know if there is anything I can do.

Love You all
Pam

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Phyllis Critchfield — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 12:08:00 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SISSIE!!!! Hope you have a wonderful day. I will be thinking about you.

Love you,

Phyl

One Year

Shelly Kozicki — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 13:00:00 GMT

Firstly, I would like to thank EVERYONE who called, emailed, blogged, sent a card or just remembered Craig yesterday. Emily, Kyle and I were amazed at the number of people who remember us.

We went to pay for our lunch at Magpie's and Rhonda bought it for us. We went to get massages and Jan called ahead and paid for those. It was just one act of kindness after another...thank you.

Emily took the day off of work and we really had a nice day together. We played tennis, which was so much fun, that we would like to try to do it more often. Then like I said, we had lunch, got a massage, played with Hazel and then met Mike and Jan at one of Craig's favorite restaurants for an Italian dinner. We reminisced throughout the day and laughed most of the time.

I think Emily and I both agree that one year is really no different than any other day. It is just a day on the calendar. Songs are still hard to hear. Memories are still fresh in our minds and endeared in our hearts. We will always love and miss him. Holidays and things that he did will always be missed. We will always feel sad that he will not be able to share in certain joys and milestones in our lives...Emily and Kyle's move, grandchildren, etc.

I know time does move forward. Life does go on...........with a huge void in my heart.

Shelly

He remains an inspiration

Greg Kurdys — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 23:53:00 GMT

I still want to pick up the phone and take turns jabbing each other about vacation time, leaving early on Friday, the mistakes we made at work, or who was better at whatever. Well, I can't do that, but I know he's listening anyway. One day I hope I'll be up there with him drinking a beer - or a Grand Marnier, but for now I'll just have to drink his share myself.

Here's to you, Craig! Save us a seat.

AMEN! SISTER!!!

Phyllis Critchfield — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 12:00:00 GMT

Shelly - you could not have said it better. I, too, have been reflecting on Craig for the past few weeks. It seems he is always on my mind. It is so hard to believe a year has passed and still harder to accept he is no longer part of our (living) lives, but he will always be in our hearts and minds! I miss him terribly. He was a great Brother-in-law, Uncle and friend. I will never find my way around St. Charles without his excellent directions! He was so much fun. I was just mentioning to Frank and Mandy on Sunday, how we would race to be the first one to make coffee in the morning, because he made TERRIBLE coffee and would just chuckle when I got there after him. I am thankful I had one last pot of his lousy coffee the last time I was with him. We had lots of laughs over that. He was so much fun to be around and what a big TEASER! I know I am not alone in my thoughts this week. He is greatly missed. My love to you and Em and Kyle.

I love you,

Phyllis

Looking back

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 22:43:00 GMT

As I sit and think about this past year, it is hard for me not to think about the agony that Craig was in at this point. It is hard to believe that you can love someone enough that you pray for them to go. But I can remember it was about this time I was praying for Craig to stop fighting. His courageous battle was over.

His life inspired so many people then and still does today. He was truly one of a kind. He will always be my hero and a blessing in my life. It saddens me when I think of his final days, but I am happy when I think of the time we did get to spend together. He was such a wonderful, loving and tender husband. He was the best father a child could ever want or need. I am glad we traveled, entertained and made many friends on our journey as husband and wife. I've been reading some books lately and some say that you tend to put your loved one on a "pedestal" and forget their bad habits and the things that annoyed you. But I have to say except for Craig's figiting (tapping, channel changing, etc) he really was a great human being without many faults, whom I miss terribly.

He was the smartest man I ever knew. The calm in a storm. My rock. My tender arms to run to when I was afraid. My shoulder to cry on when I was scared. Always made me laugh. He was a loving father. He was silly. He was gentle. He was kind. He was fun. He was spontaneous. He was strong. He was compassionate. He was a hard worker. He was dependable. He was a high achiever. He was respected. He was loved. He was liked. He was a good friend. He was a fair boss. He was forgiving. He was a fighter. He was brave. He was never selfish. He was giving. He was a good son. He was a good brother. He was good son in law. He was the BEST husband. HE WAS...............

He IS missed..............

Shelly

Craig's Birthday

Shelly Kozicki — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 03:09:00 GMT

Tomorrow Craig would have turned 54. It is still hard to believe that in a few short weeks a year will have past since his death. Emily, Kyle and I have weather all of the "firsts" together, some have been easier then others. Each of us hold different memories of the past in our hearts and remember different things that Craig did to make that holiday or "your day" special. He did so many things that made just ordinary days special to me.... Craig will always be my soul mate and someone I was so blessed to have been married too.

Today has been an emotional day for me. I have gone through boxes of pictures trying to find just the right one of Craig and Emily to put in a frame that says "Dad & Me" on it. It is a beautiful frame and I wanted to do something for her to somehow remember this first. I finally found one that I have always loved. I took it to Target, enlarged it, cropped it and then made two copies, so I now have one framed for myself. I also made "Cherry Wink" cookies. These cookies have such a fun memories of Craig and Emily. Each year at Christmas I make these cookies. Craig and Emily would count, hide and tease each other about who ate more of these each and every year. I hope she likes this little surprise. I know while I was making them I reminisced about the Christmas cookie wars. I know this was something we missed this year. It is the little things that "get you" sometime. Loss is funny that way.

Kyle and Emily are coming over late tonight and then they are going to sleep here. We are then planning on going out to breakfast (unless I cook!)....probably going out! Then we may go see the new Johnny Depp movie "Alice in Wonderland". So tomorrow should be a nice day.

Kyle and Emily are leaving to look for a new home in about 2 weeks. It is official they will be moving to Madison, WI this summer. I am so happy for them and glad they are following their dreams....but I will miss them beyond words.

Thank you to everyone who sent an email remembering Craig's birthday. It meant a lot. I have amazing friends and family. It so nice to be loved and supported as much as I am. I am blessed.

Believing....Shelly

Reflecting

Shelly Kozicki — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:33:07 GMT

It was 30 years ago today that Craig asked me to marry him. It is hard to believe that it has been 30 years!! I have had mixed feelings today, some happy some sad. I am so happy that Craig asked me to marry him and that I had over 28 years of a wonderful, truly loving marriage. I am sad when I think about the fact that Craig's life was cut so short and that we should have been happily married for many more years. I am also sad when I think about the fact that Emily's children will never know what a wonderful "grandpa" Craig would have been. He loved being a father so much and being a grandfather would have been such a joy to him as well.

Emily and Kyle are going to leave in mid March to start looking for a home in Madison WI. They are very excited about this new phase in their lives. I am so proud and happy for them as well. I will miss them terribly, but I am well aware of how important this step is for their future.

My book is already being revised. I guess it is not unusual for a book to be written and rewritten. So I am working with the editor and revising already...... I have a feeling this is going to be a L O N G process to get this book to print. I have spoke to Chris at the MESO foundation and I am planning to attend the symposium again in June in Washington DC. I may speak again and I may do a break out session to help people go home with the information and more importantly the determanation to do fundraising to find a cure for mesothelioma.

My fistula is mending....slowly. I have not been feeling great. The medication I have been on has been difficult for me to adjust to. I have been very tired and just not feeling "right". I hope that my body will adjust and I will be back to "normal" soon.

I have joined a neighborhood Bunco group, so I have met some of my neighbors finally. I am bowling better and I am going to go to the state tournament with my friends in April. I haven't been able to do that for the last couple of years, so I am looking forward to going to that again. I guess that is about it for now.

I hope you are all doing well. Keep in touch!

BELIEVING
Shelly

Karen Jacobs....are you okay?

Thoughts

Shelly Kozicki — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 04:52:00 GMT

Well it is about 11 o'clock on Thursday night and I thought I should do a quick blog since it has been way too long since the last one!

I hosted the "Solutia" party a couple of weekends ago and it was a great success. I hope to do it every couple of months. Everyone was so glad to see each other and I was thrilled to finally see everyone together as well. For those of you who do not know, some of the people have left Solutia, so it was like a little union. We ate and drank and then played games until well past midnight and I think I went to bed about 1:00.

This weekend Mary Jane and Loring, from Ohio, are coming in. I am planning on having about 10 people over. Mary Jane and Julie Gundlach are both meso patients and we have all stayed close for many years (with their families too). Also Lisa Blanzy and Patti are coming to look at the pictures from our trip to Europe we went on with Loring and Mary Jane.

My brother in law Lee has been sick with kidney stones for over 6 weeks. He is going in for a second attempt to have them removed on the 17th if this month. He has had them blasted once and is due to have them blasted again on the 10th....poor guy! He has been in so much pain. My mom is having cataract surgery the end of the month as well.

I also wanted to let you know that my fistula has returned I am just being put on antibiotics and another medication for 2 weeks and then I have to go back to see the surgeon. yuk! But, I am hopeful that I will not have to have surgery....my concern is that my Crohn's is not going into remission with medication. I will be talking to Dr. Cort again soon.

I am half way through chapter 5. I am really struggling with this chapter. I am having a hard time making the transition from Emily's elementary school years to her middle school years and all that went on during those years and the bonding we had with our friends, etc. It is so hard to jam so much into one chapter and then try to end that chapter with the beginning of Craig's illness. I think I have rewritten this chapter 4-5 times.

I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day!!

BELIEVING....
Shelly

New Year

Shelly Kozicki — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 16:36:00 GMT

Happy New Year everyone. I know this year HAS to be better than the last.. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season.

Our family managed to get through Christmas quite well actually. I was surprised. I think we knew it was going to be very different and Emily and Kyle helped to make it special and filled with fun. They spent the night and bought Rock Band with the Beatles addition too. So after we had our traditional opening of the gifts and breakfast, we rocked out to the Beatles. I have to say it was fun and I was worried how we would spend the rest of Christmas day. I did not want it to be a sad day, as Christmas was such an important holiday for Craig. He didn't get the nick name Clark Griswold by being a scrooge. He had to have the biggest tree, the house decorated to the hilt and surprise gifts for all of us.

After playing Rock Band. We had a very untraditional meal. Emily and I made stuffed cabbage. I tried to pass down a tradition and she was very quick as learning how to make cabbage rolls. (one of Craig's favorite meals) We had dinner and reminisced all through the day. It was a wonderful holiday, considering. Emily and Kyle helped to make sure of that.

New Years I went to a party at the Eakers. It was great to see old friends that I hadn't seen in a very long time.

I canceled my trip to Aruba in March as I didn't have anyone to go with. I certainly did not want to go by myself. So now I have 3 trips I have to use by 2012!! Any takers I also just finished chapter 4 of my book. So I am on track, however I think the book will be longer than 20 chapters, therefore it may take more time to finish.

I am hosting my first "party" at my house on the 23 of January for some people that Craig use to work with. It will be nice to see them again. I still keep in contact with them by phone or email, but I have not seen them in a long time, so I am looking forward to seeing them and having my house filled with happiness again. I love to entertain and have not done so in so long I am really can't wait to have people over.

Well, I guess that is it for now. Keep warm.

BELIEVING,
Shelly

Christmas Thoughts

Shelly Kozicki — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 23:34:00 GMT

Well it is Christmas Eve-Eve. Time keeps marching on. My tree is up, the decoration are hung and the cookies are baked. (No cards this year) I am more in the Christmas spirit as it gets closer, but tears come to my eyes as well. Finding Craig's stocking was tough, hanging our "First Year Together 1980" on the tree was tougher. Certain songs are hard to listen too, but it is all part of healing and I know that. Tears are not always sad, tears are happy too, remembering the good times, happy times. I still miss sooo much. Oops here come those tears!!

Emily's birthday was on December 4 and I know that what a tough day for her. Another first. Each first that we share is like opening a wound and waiting for it to heal again. She and Kyle then had their first anniversary on the 13th. Christmas is in 2 days and then HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I just have to BELIEVE that 2010 has got to be a whole lot better that 2009.

I did have surgery and I am still recovering. I go back on the 31st ( New Year's Eve) to have the final drain removed and then go to Dr. Cort to figure out what kind of treatment is best for me to be on for Crohn's. I have to say I am very upset that after 15 years of keeping my Crohn's under control it is now flaring up. I hope I do not end up having to have more surgery or worst yet another bowel resection.

I am hoping to get together with some of Craig's work friends after the first of the year. That would be so nice. I miss see them. They were such a big part of our lives and were and still are so good to me.

I have been keeping busy writing my book. I just wrote half of chapter 4 today. It is a long process but I hope when it comes out it is a great success and inspires many and helps fund meso research. I am also going to be more involved with the Simmons Firm as they are going to start a Meso Foundation as well. I hope to have an intricate role in that.

I am also planning on going to Aruba in March. Craig and I have a timeshare down there. It will be my first time down there without him. My sister Phyllis and her husband Lee may be going with me....otherwise I will be looking for someone to go with me....I don't want to go alone!!

I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy Healthy New Year.

BELIEVING

Shelly

p.s. Jim Klopstien passed away last week. Deb is still doing well...YEAH!

Good News & That Nasty "F" Word

Carol Bleisch — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:17:00 GMT

Good News - Shelly has completed Chapter 3. Way to go Shelly, I cannot wait to read this book. We should start a reservation list for books fresh off the press. (Maya if you are reading this – could you do that?)

NASTY "F" WORD - Shelly had emergency surgery Tuesday evening at Missouri Baptist Hospital. She has a fistula and an abscess. She doesn't know exactly what Dr. Cort did in surgery, but she has drains hanging out of her body draining bad stuff out of her. She is on pain meds and antibiotics. She is waiting for Dr. Cort's office to call her back with details.

When I found this out I went to my prayer closet and cried out "why Lord" I don't understand, this woman has gone through enough - please make it stop - so please join me in praying for Shelly 's quick recovery and for her to get on with living. We all know Craig's heart on his beloved wife - he wanted her to be happy and enjoy her life after he was gone. Did either of them want how ended up, with them be apart NO, but Craig was adamant about what Shelly was to do with her life.

She is home alone, all of us are working - I'm sick and cannot go near her - if any of you can, please call her and spend some moments with her - she was the ultimate caregiver and now needs care.

Still believing and praying!
Carol<><

Holidays

Shelly Kozicki — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:02:00 GMT

Well, the holidays are bearing down on us and I am leaving for Michigan in about 10 minutes. I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. This will be the beginning of our first holiday season without Craig. Oops my ride is here....gotta go.

Write more. later,

Love to all. Shelly

Missing "You"

Carol Bleisch — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:19:00 GMT

Days and months have come and gone, and I'm missing you!

Missing my friend, co-worker, and the person that God used to show me men were okay, and they could be wonderful husbands and fathers.

At times I can hear his voice approaching my door and I ready myself to "banter" with him (which was our norm). I miss the "wave" - it wasn't a parade float wave - or a beauty queen wave - he didn't move his fingers up and down. His hand was angled sideways and it just went down with a quick whip.

I miss his even-headediness - he was practical and straight-forward - he didn't mince words but he choose them carefully.

I have seen him in the car next to me in my commute into work. I had a dream that was so real, he was coming back to work after being gone for a while from being sick (like he had done in the past) but when I woke I knew my friend was not coming back.

Until the Friday just before Shelly returned from her trip I had not mourned Craig. I had called the house before and got the answering machine with his voice...but it was that night that my heart understood my friend was gone. The tears flowed and they have been flowing since, and that is okay because it brings healing.

We all go through the grieving process differently, and mine was just delayed, and maybe you are or haven't grieved him; maybe by me writing this it will help you start your process or help you know it is okay to move forward.

I'm still praying and believing, Love you Shelly, Emily & Kyle!

Carol<><

Chapter 2 & Holidays

Shelly Kozicki — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 05:23:00 GMT

Well, chapter 1 is finished! It has been edited and reworked and is now in for the final editor's ok. However, I am sure he is going to approve since we went over the needed changes last week. One chapter down 17 to go. Actually I have already written chapter 2's rough draft. I am on a 3 week cycle. I will need to write and edit one chapter every 3 weeks to meet my deadline of Oct. 1 of next year. That is when we would like to send my manuscript out to publishers. If anyone has an in with a publishing company let me know.

My dad is going to be moved into the Alzheimer's unit tomorrow. I guess he is failing quickly now. He does not communicate too much anymore and rarely leaves his room. I am looking forward to seeing him when I go up for Thanksgiving, yet I know it will break my heart to see him like that and worse yet, I don't think he is going to know me. I know this will be painful for me because he has always recognized me before. I am going to fly in and my nephew Don and his 2 little ones are going to pick me up and we are going to go have lunch and then he is taking me over to see my mom and dad. I look forward to seeing Don and Devon and Vanessa since I have not seen them in months and they change so quickly. I am also looking forward to spending some one on one time with my mom, she is very anxious for me to come and see her too.

I went shopping with Emily and we managed to get some of her Christmas and birthday gifts bought. We had a really nice day. We spent the whole day together. We haven't done that in quite a while.

I am not looking forward to Christmas. I know this holiday will be hard for Emily and Kyle as well. Craig was like a kid during Christmas. He had to have the biggest tree, the outside lights had to be perfect, he had to shop on Christmas Eve, he just loved the holiday. It is going to be rough to start traditions without him. I dread finding our First Christmas Together ornament, his stocking, decorating, sending cards with just my name on it. It is just going to be a difficult time. Emily and Kyle are going to help me put up the tree this year so that will be a huge help. They also promised to help me take it down....even a bigger help! I would like to take it down on Dec. 26 like Craig and I always did, but Emily said she is just promising before she has to go back to work.

BELIEVING....Shelly

Greg: Thanks for the note. The weather here has been great the last 2 weeks. I hope for a little snow while I am there. Say hello to Mel. Love, Shell

To the Shanty Gang: Thanks for writing me about your night out. I know Craig was with you in spirit. He told me MANY stories about the Shanty and I also had the privilege of visiting that fine establishment myself. I hope you sang "Moon River" loud and clear as I know Craig said that was a Shanty must.

Michigan in November

Greg Kurdys — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:38:00 GMT

Shelly,

Sounds like Europe was great. I know you'll be seeing family and friends over Thanksgiving, but based on current weather I suggest a return to Italy! We haven't seen the sun for it seems like 6 weeks.

Greg

World Traveler

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 21:02:00 GMT

I'm back!! Wow, what a life experience. I wish everyone had the chance to see Europe. I LOVED Italy. I want to go back someday, hopefully sooner than later and spend more time in Rome, Venice and Naples. Although all of the ports of call were beautiful, I would have to say, Italy's were my favorite. The one that surprised me the most was Croatia. It was pretty amazing as well. I could go on and on about each of them, but I would never do them justice. I just walked around in pure awe at each countries architecture history and splendor. It was absolutely breath taking at times.

Now that I am back, I will try to get someone to post some of my favorite pictures. I will be going back to Michigan for Thanksgiving with Emily and Kyle (Hazel too) to see my family. Hopefully by then I will have some pictures to post and they can help me. I am also trying to dig through PILES of mail, emails, bills, etc., since I have gotten home. Craig use to handle all of this stuff. I use to just unpack and do the laundry and I thought I had the hard job. YIKES!

My editor read chapter one of my book and he loved it!! I am sooo excited. He said it needed very few changes. He said I was a "natural writer". He obviously has never read this blog!! The pressure is on. He liked my detail and emotion and told me I had to keep it up through the entire book. I just needed to rework my opening paragraph and that he would help me. So on to chapter 2, meeting the families and getting married.

I will write more soon.

BELIEVING....Shelly

p.s. Martha's father passed away. Jim K. is still in hospice. And Deb R. is still fighting hard. Thanks for your prayers!!

Having Fun

Pamela Ryan — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 18:09:00 GMT

Shelly, Hope you are having a great time? Did Patty and Lisa corrupt you, ha ha. I hope you all had a great time.

Wow Kyle sounds like you and Brent did well. I have trouble just walking our dog. I guess the years don't help.

Well Shelly can't wait for you to get home I have alot to tell you.

Phyllis and Linda - How are you guys doing? I miss everyone but Shelly keeps me in synch with everyone.

I missed the run over in Illinois as my niece and her family was home from Alaska. They are now being stationed in CA so getting a little closer to home.

Talk to everyone soon take care

Pam

Europe

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 04:30:00 GMT

I am getting ready to leave for the Mediterranean. I am all packed up (I hope) I will be leaving for 2 weeks!! I will take lots of pictures and if someone will post them when I get back I will share a couple of my favorites.

Kyle ran the Chicago Marathon today!! Both he and his brother Brent finished.....poor Brent injured his knee, but finished....UGH!! I don't think I could bike 26 miles. So I am very proud of him (both of them). He has put in LOTS of time training for this and finished in about 3 hours 45 minutes. Congrats Kyle and Brent. Brent also passed the Barr exam on his first try...his is so bright. He has a job in Chicago and will do very well for himself after working so hard at the University of Michigan to get his law degree.

I will start chapter 2 of my book when I return from my trip. I hope it is as easy to write as chapter 1. Well off to bed for some shut eye before the big trip. YIPPEE!!

BELIEVING....Shelly

p.s. Martha's dad passed away yesterday. Jim K. has been placed in hospice care. Please keep them and their families in your prayers. Thanks.

p.s.s. GO WINGS....back on track

Meso Walk, Book, Life

Shelly Kozicki — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:38:00 GMT

The Meso Walk was GREAT!! This walk was pulled together in 8 weeks. The organizers were hoping for 200 people---we had over 500 runners and walkers!! The weather could not have been better, cool and sunny. Many of Emily and my friends showed up in support, thank you. You continue to amaze me with your continued support. Together we will find a cure!! I am sure Craig was smiling down on us.

I finished chapter one of my book. I hope the other chapters are as easy to recall as chapter one. However, I was writing about happy times and crying, I can't imagine what it will be like reliving the illness and then the loss all over again. In a way I think this will be cathartic. It will also be nice to have everything down for my family and grandchildren to read someday. I meet this Thursday with the editor and we are going to go over the contract, etc.

Life! I keep moving forward. I am getting very excited about the cruise. I leave in 12 days....but who's counting I have shopped and shopped some more! I think I have a new fall wardrobe for the trip. Kyle has been busy getting ready to apply to colleges for his doctorate. Emily has been busy helping him, working, and teaching Hazel some cool tricks. She is also checking out everything about every school Kyle is applying. Cost of living, schools, housing, etc.

I am bowling again, I think I am going to join a tennis club when I get back from the cruise. Emily and I will take lessons together. I am missing playing. My days have been pretty full. I miss my family. I wish they lived closer. It seems harder and harder to connect. We try, but we play phone tag!! I love you all very much.

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s. Please continue to pray for Jim Klopstein, Bill Hayden and Deb Rolerkite. Thanks.

Book

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 03:58:00 GMT

I have officially started writing my book! I am about half way through chapter one. It is more emotional than I thought it would be. I am writing about how Craig and I met and just finished about our first date and kiss. It made me cry. I can only imagine how tough the chapters about his illness will be. Wish me luck!!

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s. DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE MESO WALK THIS SATURDAY IN ALTON!! I HOPE TO SEE A LOT OF YOU THERE.

Moving Forward-----slowly

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 23:03:00 GMT

I have been getting ready for my trip to Europe. I cannot wait to go!! I am going with several friends for 13 days I think I will visit 5 countries...how exciting. I will have two of my best friends in my room, Patti and Lisa. So the sleeping quarters will be tight, but the outings will be a blast!!

I think we will have a good (maybe great) turnout for the Meso Walk next week. If you haven't signed up, you still can, I would LOVE to see you there. As always, I am still fighting to help find a cure! Too many people I love are still battling for their lives.

Robbie and Jill Cagel and Loring and Mary Jane are coming in this weekend! They come in tonight and will be here through Saturday. I am really looking forward to our "little reunion". I am also having Lisa and her husband Paul and Patti (her husband is in Alaska) over on Saturday for a pre-cruise party get together. This way they will all know each other before the trip. Patti'scoming over early to help make her famous homemade pizza, salad and cheesecake are on the menu...YUM!!

I meet next week with the editor that will help me with my book. I am going to over the details of the contract and how we get it published, etc. I want to make sure a minimum of 25% of each book goes to the Meso Foundation in Craig's name. I guess it usually takes a year to write a book....yikes! I hope I can do it. This is really going to be an emotionally challenging assignment. But I hope it will help and inspire people in their battle of meso. I just never considered myself a very good writer as you can tell by my blogs I just put my thoughts out there and my brain just dumps out through my finger tips. I hope I can somehow put them into book form??

Well I guess that is were the BELIEVING will have to come in now right?

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s. I have several VERY ill friends. Please say special prayers for Jim Klopstien, Martha Klien's dad BILL & Deb Rolerkite. Thanks!

5K Race & Fun Run/Walk - Alton IL 9/26/09

Carol Bleisch — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 21:24:00 GMT

http://www.milesformesothelioma.org/

http://www.milesformesothelioma.org/register/

ENTRY FEE
100% of all entry fees go to the Meso Foundation. Plus the Simmons firm will match every entry with an additional $15 donation to the Meso Foundation! All entry fee checks should be made out to the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation (learn more about the Foundation, a non-profit dedicated to finding a cure).

$15 if postmarked on or before September 16th
$20 if postmarked after September 16th
$25 if you register on site the day of the event

REGISTER ON-LINE
http://www.active.com/page/Event_Details.htm?event_id=1778833&assetId=0d52f9fd-7c77-4e90-9c75-c534bc8ea6e1

MAIL YOUR REGISTRATION FORM
Miles for Meso
c/o Metro Tri Club
P.O. Box 42
Roxana, IL 62084

Or registrate on-line:

CASH PRIZES FOR PARTICIPANTS

Call 877-309-6376 for more information.

Article in Alton-Telegraph

Carol Bleisch — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 21:23:00 GMT

Fund-raising continues after man's death

August 28, 2009 10:02 PM

By DAN BRANNAN

Shelly Kozicki never gives up in her push to raise funds for the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation.

Shelly and her husband, Craig, have raised more than $150,000 for mesothelioma research over the past decade.

On April 1, Shelly lost her husband after an 11-year struggle with mesothelioma. Today, she lives in St. Charles, Mo., without Craig, who she described as her "soul mate," but she is determined to raise funds to find a cure for mesothelioma.

She and Craig were married for 28 years, meeting when she was 18 and he was 24 at Monsanto in Trenton, Mich. Six weeks after they met, they were engaged.

I came in contact with the St. Charles woman through a series of articles we did about the Simmons law firm and its upcoming move to Alton. John Simmons, owner of the firm, and Mark Motley, a vice president of communications, told me about her brave and difficult struggle with her husband’s illness and how she has turned the tragedy into a triumph by raising funds for research into the terrible disease. Mesothelioma is a cancer of the lining of certain internal organs, primarily the lungs, caused by exposure to asbestos.

The Simmons firm represented Craig and Shelly in a lawsuit, and she said the firm now has become like family. Shelly said they always stay in touch with her and assist her with her mesothelioma fund-raising efforts.

"They care," Shelly said. "Jeff Cooper was assigned our case. They were compassionate and treated us with patience. I just didn’t feel they were lawyers."

Shelly’s other worthy cause is working to build awareness that the United States needs to mandate a total ban of asbestos.

Many other countries have halted asbestos from entering their borders, but the United States is lagging behind, and ultimately, it could cost Americans their lives.

Craig, 53, was a young man when he died with nothing but a bright future ahead. He was a chemical engineer at Solutia in East St. Louis. Shelly told me he always was the love of her life and that she misses him so greatly it sometimes is nearly impossible to continue on. But she does forge ahead each day, with his memory deep inside, hoping to help other families with the cancer.

It is believed that her husband, Craig, was exposed to asbestos when he was a child. Often, the latency period for the disease is 20 to 40 years. In regard to asbestos, Shelly said there is no safe level of exposure. Even a single fiber of asbestos can cause a person to develop this form of cancer.

Craig and Shelly have a daughter, Emily, and when she learned about her father’s illness at age 12, she worried whether her father would walk her down the aisle at her wedding. With the help of his wife, Craig survived long enough to walk her down the aisle to her husband, Kyle Steele.

"It was weird that one of her first questions that very first night he was diagnosed was about her father walking her down the aisle when she got married," Shelly said. "Craig pushed himself to stay alive, and after her wedding, he really made a downturn. Emily was definitely a daddy’s girl. She was the apple of his eye, and her dad was her hero."

Chris Hahn, the executive director for the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation, said Shelly and Craig Kozicki are special people.

"Craig was a symbol of hope that people can live with mesothelioma and that it is not a death sentence," he said. "He showed there are programs and treatment options with the disease. She is definitely an amazingly strong and dedicated person."

Shelly’s plan is to not stop the momentum she has started with raising funds for mesothelioma.

"I promised Craig that I would continue," she said. "I now receive phone calls from throughout the nation. I think our story gives hope to people who are dealing with this. People are often still told they have six months to get their affairs in order. There is hope, and there are doctors out there now that can help. This is something I will do until the day I die."

To learn more about Shelly’s fund-raising push, visit www.craigkozicki.com or contact her at (636) 284-9881.

Update from Shanty Gang

Ken Tsuchiyama — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:59:00 GMT

Shelly,

Just wanted you to know that, in honor of Craig, the old Shanty Gang (or "Craig's Buddies" as Mr. K always called us) got together last night at "The Shantie" in Warren (the old "Shanty" in Hazel Park is no longer a bar). Although Peat and Francis couldn't make it, Don, Doug, Billy, Nelson, Tim, Doug McKinney and I were there, having a few beers and Black Bun Specials, reminiscing about old times. There were truly times when it felt like Craig was there as we reached back a few decades in time, laughing at the mostly inane things we did back in high school and college.

For what it is worth, we did talk about the fact that some of us are still checking the blog periodically to see how you, Emily and Kyle are doing and that you still post entries on occasion. Our main interest is that you, Emily and Kyle are doing well, and it sounds like you are. From our perspective, it's great that you continue to blog on occasion because it helps some of us stay connected, but you shouldn't feel obligated to continue. We just want you to know that we all think of you and are here for support, even it is it only through our thoughts and prayers from many miles away.

Take care,
Tush

P.S. - Please pray for Tim Milligan's wife, Nancy, who is battling brain cancer. While we have always been impressed with your strength as you and Craig went through his battle, none of us have had the experience to truly know what you have gone through. Tim says he now has a greater appreciation for your role in the journey.

Where do I begin???

Shelly Kozicki — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 20:55:00 GMT

First of all, I didn't think people were reading anymore so I stopped blogging. Come to find out, my blogs have been missed

So I will try to catch you up.... Craigbird is no longer coming.   The first night I cried and then I thought he realized that I didn't need to be watched so closely. That I was doing ok on my own. So now I look for him on occasion, but he has never returned. But, I am doing better each and every day. Feeling stronger, more independent and feeling like I am finding MY way in the world. I know Craig would be proud of me!

Emily and Kyle are doing well too. Kyle is applying to Grad Schools all over the country to become a Professor in History. It is his dream and I hope that he gets accepted to the school of his choice. He is also training for the Chicago Marathon, which takes place in October.  He is a running maniac. Hazel is getting bigger by the day and she loves her grammy Emily is busy with work, enjoying the puppy and we have been trying to spend more time together, which has been very nice.

The Simmons Firm is somehow involved with opening a Hospice Center in Illinois. They called me and asked me if they could name a room, or suite or wing after Craig. It would be" The Craig Kozicki -----" Needless to say, after I choked back a few tears, I told them it would be an honor. It will be dedicated in Feb. and I will go then to the dedication.  His name and his legacy continues to go on!!

I was just interviewed for a "Human Interest Story" that is going to run in "The Telegraph". It is a paper out of Alton, IL. If you would like to read it I know you can pull it up. If I knew how I could set up a link??? Duh!

Now for the BIG news for me. The Chief Editor of the paper has helped write and publish several books. Well, he was fascinated by our family's story and would really like me to write a book. I told him several people over the years have told Craig or I or both, that we should write a book. So, I am going to read a couple of the books he has published. If I like them, I think I will write our story as an inspirational book. (First person) I will then have some (not sure how this works) of the proceeds go to the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation to Craig's Grant. It will be an on going fundraiser. I am going to talk to MARF to see if they will help market the book as well.

I am still working with the Meso Foundation and doing the Hope Center. I am also still waiting for my new venture with the Simmons Firm to take off. (I am really excited about that) So I think I will get busier and busier over the next several months. I am keeping my promise to stay involved and hopefully make a difference.

ALSO, I am going on my Mediterranean cruise with my friends soon....Yippee!!

I will try to do a better job at the blog....I just thought people weren't reading

Believing....Shelly      (I think my book title should be BELIEVING....What do you think??)

Tahoe, Craigbird, life

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 23:16:00 GMT

I just went to see my brother Doug and his family in Lake Tahoe about 10 days ago. It was a short but very nice visit. I was able to spend one on one time with each of my nephews and their girlfriends, as well as my niece her husband and 6 month old son Ben. I also spent a day with my brother going around the entire lake. It was a beautiful day and we stopped at Emerald Bay and I also got him to go up in a para sail. We had the option of 600' or 1200', of course I picked 1200' and it was a gorgeous view of the lake and mountains. My brother would have been happy at 600' Once he relaxed a bit and stopped worrying that they was no "safety line" I think he enjoyed it as well.

Then they through a birthday party for my nephew Joe on Sat. It was a "white trash" themed party!! So we ALL dressed the part. I completed my outfit with a black bra and a white "wife beater" tee. Not to mention the much over done makeup and hair teased into knots. It was fun and even got a knock on the door by the cops at one point.... But they left and when they realized we were just having a good time!

Craigbird: Thanks for posting him Phyllis. Yes he still comes faithfully. Still has not missed a day. Now here is a weird story. My brother has a small bathroom off of his laundry room. That I never use. However, the night of the party the other bathrooms were full, so I went in there. Hanging on his wall was a close up 5 x 7 picture of a Craigbird. Just a bird in a white frame. I went out and asked my brother if he knew that he had that picture....he didn't even know what I was talking about. Of all the birds to have in his bathroom and the chance of me seeing it the night before I left and him not even realizing it was in there....another sign!!! Craigbird was with me in Tahoe too!

I am trying to put my life back in gear. It is difficult to do when you are not sure which direction your life will be taking. When you always had a plan, a dream, and someone who ALWAYS supported you in all of those things is gone....It really sucks. I wish I could just feel supported, loved unconditionally again and happy. I have to BELIEVE those days will come...but they seem so far off.

believing....Shelly

Picture of Craigbird

Phyllis Critchfield — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 17:40:00 GMT

Its the best I could do in cropping - sorry!?!

Crusie Control

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 18:47:00 GMT

I feel so witty with my car lingos!

Let's see, I had Hazel this past 5 days or so while Kyle and Emily were on vacation. She is sooo cute. She reminds me of a puppy that you would make at "Build a Bear." She has long and lanky legs and the most adorable face. I enjoyed watching her however, I forgot how much energy a puppy has!! She and Luke get along pretty good so that is a relief.

Kyle and Emily had a nice and relaxing vacation. I think they needed to just get away and RELAX....so they did! Beach, pool, eat....you know just a very laid back a relaxing time.

Craigbird is still coming every single day!! My sister Linda looked the type of bird up and it is an Eastern Bluebird. I took pictures of him and he didn't fly away while I did that either!! I wish I knew how to post them so all of you could see how pretty he is and how and where he sits, I think you would be amazed. This bird has not missed a day in probably 2 months now. He is so out of his natural elements according to what my sister sent to me. He likes open areas and nests in holes of trees.

I am going to see my brother Dougb & his family on Wednesday for a few days. I think it will be a lot of fun. I have never been to Tahoe in the Summer. I have been in the Fall and in the Winter, so I am looking forward to seeing and enjoying the lake in the summer. It will be a short but sweet visit. My nephew Joe is having a birthday party on Saturday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE!! Then I fly out on Sunday.

My work is getting more interesting. I don't know how much I can put on here yet, but it is a dream that I was hoping to start working on in about 5 years and now it is on my front door step. So I am very excited about it. It has to do with mesothelioma of course and my passion of working with patients and doctors. But I really can't say more than that right now. Just keep me in your prayers and thoughts that things keep moving forward and I keep gaining the confidence that I need to push myself beyond my comfort zones!

I am also suppose to be going to see Rob and Jill Cagel in late August (meso patient & his wife) in Illinois. They are good friends and I look forward to seeing them. Julie G. was interviewed by a local magazine about her story and then got a TV interview as well, I was sooo proud of her. She did an awesome job!!

Well, I guess that is it. Thanks for reading.....

Believing....Shelly

Neutral

Shelly Kozicki — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 03:23:00 GMT

Neutral - That is about the best way I can explain how I have been feeling this past week. Not really moving forward and not really moving backwards. I have been struggling with my emotions, responsibilities and feelings. I have not been feeling as confident about my future as I did a week ago. I feel like my life is on hold and I am having a hard time figuring out how to push myself to be happy right now.... I wish I could put into words the frustration I am having to deal with right now, but I cannot. I know one day that I will be happy and have control of my life again, but right now I feel my life is not in my control!!

This is a strange blog...it is just me trying to journalize some feelings that I need to get out and as usual they end up here. In some aspects I am doing very well, better than I thought I would, but in others I think I am failing. I still like who I am becoming and I am comfortable in my own skin. Although I am finding being alone is lonely. Nights are the hardest and weekends aren't so great either. I have gone to movies by myself and eating in restaurant alone is almost routine. I feel that getting out and doing things by myself is much better than staying home, because that is very depressing.

I hope to regain direction soon. Find inner peace and start to moving forward again. I look forward to the day when I can blog that I am taking control of my life and finding happiness again. I cannot tell you the last time I felt that I had "control" of my life. Ever since Craig has been ill my life has been a roller coaster of emotions. Emergency trips to doctors and flights to NY. Vacations cut short and countless sleepless nights. I would not change a thing, as a matter of fact I wish I was still on that roller coaster!!!

Sitting in neutral. Hoping to find my way in the world soon. Wanting to be happy sooner than later.

believing...shelly

My Guardian Bird

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 20:34:00 GMT

I hope all of you had a wonderful 4th of July. Mine was kinda of strange. I went to see Jerry and Linda Walther for dinner on Friday and that was great. I met some of their friends and Jerry and Linda made me feel right at home. Thanks for the invite!!

Emily and Kyle came over and stayed both Friday and Saturday nights. I went shopping with Emily on Saturday and she finished picking up things to finish off decorating their condo. She told me they spent Sunday hanging pictures and placing pictures in new frames. They also bought some new furniture and now I think their condo is finally feeling their home.

Hazel is sooo cute. She is up to 18 pounds, but she is doing very well with her obedience classes, except for walking on a leash! She hates that...she wants to run free. I will have her for a week when Emily and Kyle go to Florida. They will be staying at Mary Jane and Loring's Condo. It is beautiful and I know they will have a great time. It is in Fort Meyers.

Sunday for some reason was just a bad day. I don't really know why. I just really missed Craig and I didn't even get dressed. I just read and had a pity party. But I am better now.

NOW about my bird!!! I have a bird that is blue (Craig's favorite color) with a red breast, that sits FAITHFULLY, EVERY NIGHT on a 1" piece of wood that is the archway to my front door. I can see it from the inside looking out. He comes every evening and stays until dawn....then he is gone!!! He has no nest, he looks uncomfortable perched on the 1" piece of molding, yet he comes everyday. I think it is Craig watching the front door for me through the night. My little guardian bird. He will not fly away if I come in and out of the front door even with the dog. I have stood underneath it and he just looks at me. So I know this may sound strange, but I think it is a sign!!! Craig is still watching over me and caring for me. That little bird brings me joy every night. I can't wait for him to come. Believe it or not I have named the bird Craig.

I hope you find happiness today.

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s. Please keep Linda Weindel and her family in your prayers. Her father passed away on July 3rd after a long battle with cancer.

The Bittersweet Symposium

Phyllis Critchfield — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 13:14:00 GMT

I do not even know where to begin with my experience this past weekend. Do I start by telling you how sad or how wonderful it was. I think it best to start with the sadness because it got a lot better. It was an amazing experience and I hope more of you will be able to attend in the future. I will tell my personal story with a short photo journal.

Walking into the room and seeing Craig's name on the Tribute Wall for the first time was overwhelming, to say the least.

Then, Shelly added his photo to the 'candle' - joining those who had gone before him. Another emotional moment!

We then lit candles and placed them on the table in front of our loved one's name on the Tribute Wall. Shelly needed a little help - the darn lighters were not too easy to light. We then walked over and put our candles under Craig's name.

Observing Emily as she looks at the wall and is amazed at how many families are suffering. She was taking in the realization she is not alone in her pain.

But, it does gets better - Shelly received a standing ovation when their award was announced. There was whistling and shouts of praise as she approached the podium. I was shown again how much love there was in that room for my little sister and for Craig's memory.

Shelly gave her profound acceptance and challenge to everyone to continue to fight for a cure. (The background was black and I was too far away - but I did want to pass the photo along.) She spoke from her heart and there was not a dry eye in the house.

Then, another standing ovation as she returns to her seat (she is in the middle in the red dress) - again, with whistles and shouting! When it was all over she was swarmed by people seeking advise on fund raising and showing their personal support. She raised 107K that night - the first time a plea for funding has ever been challenged at a Symposium.

Dr. Taub showing us his award. He is a very quiet and humble man. You would never know by talking to him the impact he has had on so many lives. I could see why Shelly and Craig thought so highly of him. He is well respected and honored within the community.

Then, here is our wonderful Dr. Chabot who kept our darling Craigie alive for almost 11 yrs! He took the microphone when everyone was done speaking - praising and honoring the life Craig lead with his supportive wife and daughter. They only made his job that much easier. He is an amazing doctor - you could just see how much he loved the Kozicki's. He was a pleasure to meet! You would all just love him, too!!!

So, that was a snapshot of the weekend. I really do not know how supportive I was, I think I cried more than Shelly and Emily! I was glad to be there and I hope I was support to them in some small way.

I love you, Shelly and Emily!

Phyllis (a.k.a. Auntie)

Symposium and DC

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:14:00 GMT

I am back from Washington DC with a very special award and very sore feet!

I arrived in DC on Wed. and had dinner with some very special friends and ate WAY too much (that was the theme for the week(end). After dinner I finally went to bed about midnight and did not sleep a wink...UGH! Thursday was the day the rest of the meso patients arrived, some I know well and some I have talked to but have never met and then the newbies. This day started at 7:30, everyone who knows me, knows what a morning person I am!! (again the theme for the weekend) It was an emotional day as those who I know came in and we hugged and remembered Craig. It was very difficult for many (me included) to see Craig's name on the
Tribute Wall and tears flowed easily through breakfast.

We then all received our assignments to meet with our Senators and Congressman on Capital Hill. It was de'ja vu'. I always hope it does some good, but I always feel the same way....tired and a bit unheard, even though they SEEM to listen. I had Craig's picture, his ashes, and Julie G. had gathered 1000 signatures and ran me a copy to take with me to show support. Thanks Julie!

Then it was back to the hotel....a bit of pool time! Then we ate dinner at the hotel. My sister Phyllis and brother-in-law Lee arrived just in time to eat and have a couple of drinks. Emily arrived about 11:30. I believe I behaved that night and was in bed.

Friday....This was the BIG day. This was the official dedication of the Tribute Wall. I had been doing REALLY well. I was consoling other people that were having a hard time prior to today. But, when I had to go and light a candle and move me feet towards the wall, I just couldn't move. The tears came easily and the pain did too! All four of us got up when I finally collected my self and I lit a candle and then Emily and I lit one together. The meso community was very supportive and hugs came from all directions.

Afterwords we walked to have lunch....more food! Then Emily and I went and laid by the pool for a couple of hours and then took a much needed nap. It was then time for the Gala Dinner and my Acceptance Speech. (Carol posted it on Friday..thanks!) It went over well. I had to power through some parts. But it was received well. I was approached the rest of the night and on Saturday and was told by total stranger and people I knew as well, how inspiring my speech was, so that made me feel very good! What I am really excited about is that in my speech I asked people to donate money to Craig's Grant...$50,000 was collected that night!!!!!!!! WE are half way to fulfilling another grant in Craig's name. Plus I challenged people to start their own fund raising effort. Another $57,000 was collected as well!!!!!! AWESOME!

A group of 12 of us went to dinner. I have to say at one point I did have to go to the bathroom and broke down. Someone went around and took pictures of all of the couples...... But the night was young. We ended up back at the hotel bar. YIKES!! Kyle flew in at some point, but I think it was last call! I had a couple of chocolate martinis...NEED I SAY MORE!!! CELEBRATION.

Saturday. It was time to tour DC. We had breakfast and Phyllis and Lee dropped us off at the Washington Monument. They went to the zoo and then went on to see Lee's family. Thanks so much for coming and supporting me! I know she said she would be posting some pics. Sat. & Sun. The 3 of us then took DC by storm. Seeing A LOT of it. My feet hurt, my legs feel like lead, but it was great to spend time with Kyle and Emily.

So in closing. It was a wonderful week(end). I am hoping to come up with a new fundraiser to help get the next $50,000. It sadden me when I heard the foundation only gave out 5 grants last year instead of 10 because of lack of funding!! I hope you will help me to push on in Craig's name to get ONE more grant next year.

BELIEVING....Shelly
.

Acceptance Speech by Shelly Kozicki

Carol Bleisch — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 03:00:00 GMT

The Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation

Volunteer of the Year for the Meso Foundation

I would like to thank the Mesothelioma Foundation for honoring Craig and I with this award. It meant a lot to Craig to know that he was receiving this prior to his death. I thank you for letting him know before he passed.

I would like to once again remember the volunteers that have been recognized by the foundation in the past with this award. Klaus Brock, Nancy Buzinski and June Briet. We are humbled to be named along with these amazing people.

There is also one other person that I would like to recognize and that is our daughter Emily. She was only 12 when her dad, her hero was diagnosed with this horrific disease. At her age she could have easily taken the wrong path as we travel back and forth from Missouri to NY for treatments. Instead she did nothing but make us proud. Graduating at the top of both her high school and college classes. So Emily it is because of you, that dad and I could take the time to help other people.

About 11 years ago we went to see Drs. Taub and Chabot after Craig’s diagnosis. As many are told, he was given 6 months to live. Through the determination of both of his doctors and Craig’s unmatched will, Craig not only LIVED with his disease but he inspired and gave hope to many. So the story of this award began way back then. I would like to give you a brief history of why I am standing in front of you today. Dr. Taub was always willing to push forward with treatments that were on the cutting edge. Craig was always willing to do whatever he had to stay alive and advance the science for those that followed. Thank you Dr. Taub for always being just a phone call away. Dr. Chabot. I know that Craig tested your skills more than once. But never more than in 2006. If it were not for you working on Craig for over 9 hours in the operating room and giving him that “slim chance” to make it through the night. Followed by Craig’s determination over the next 4 months in the hospital, he would not have been there this past December to walk Emily down the aisle at her wedding. We will be forever grateful to you.

Now about Mary Hesdorfer, who at the time was Dr. Taub’s assistant. If it were not for her I don’t think I would be standing here today. Craig and I were in the hall outside of her office when I told her, how I felt like I was plunked on another planet. How I felt nobody should have to go through this alone. Mary agreed and without hesitation asked if we would like to talk to other patients. Of course our answer was yes. Mary, who would have thought that one day our “little acorn” would have grown into a mighty Oak tree!! Little did we know that Craig and I would not only begin talking to Drs. Taub and Chabot’s patients, but that one day Mary would start working for the Meso Foundation and we would be talking to several other doctors patients as well. Just a voice at the end of a phone line...giving hope when they felt there was none. Craig often talked to patients about the protocols and what to expect from surgery and chemo treatments, even if he was in treatment or was healing from surgery himself. I learned from the best teacher and I will continue to do what I have done for the past 11 years. I will continue to be that voice on the end of the phone line as long as I am needed.

Now I would like to address another issue that is very important as well. As you can imagine, having just lost Craig this past April I am as angry at the disease as anyone in this room is. But what I would like to ask YOU to do is what I have done and that is to turn your anger into action for the Meso community. It would be easy for me to walk away from this disease, the Meso community and say: well I tried. Because, I have nothing at stake anymore. But that is not the case. I have come to love and care for so many of you and I also promised Craig that I would continue to fight for what is right…And that is finding a cure and stopping the importing of asbestos into the US. Raising $100,000 for research over a two year period was not done by me. It was through the generosity of family and friends and companies and fundraisers.

Getting started is the hardest part. Emily and I decided two years ago that Craig did not need more shirts or golf equipment for his birthday. What he needed was a cure for Mesothelioma. So we brainstormed and came up with an idea. Emily wrote a letter, including Craig’s story and asking for a donation in Craig’s honor to be sent to the Meso Foundation to The Craig Kozicki Grant. We said a heart would be placed in our kitchen for each donation sent. We sent that ONE letter to our Christmas card list, Craig’s work friends, Meso friends, everyone we could think of. That ONE letter raised almost $14,000!! We were 14% to our goal with one letter.

So many people over the years have asked me about fundraising. How do you do it? How do you get started? I say all you have to do is ask! So the last thing I am going to do tonight is hopefully inspire you, by showing you how easy it can be to start a fundraiser. This has never been done at a symposium before, so this is not an easy thing for me to do…but I am going to ask. Doctors, lawyers, pharmaceutical representatives, researchers, patients, caregivers, everyone in the audience. A bowl has been placed on the table outside in the hall. I am asking everyone to donate. Whether it is $5 or $50 or more, please give to the Craig Kozicki Grant, checks and credit cards are accepted!! However, if you would prefer to start your own Grant I would be even happier! Set a goal and start your own fundraising effort. The total amount collected will be announced tomorrow at breakfast.

Once again thank you again for this amazing honor. Craig and I were both humbled when we heard we were receiving this award.

Father's Day, Symposium & Cruise

Shelly Kozicki — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 23:27:00 GMT

Father's Day...This weekend is going to be a rough one. I feel so helpless when it comes to Emily. I miss Craig so much too. I would always plan something for this day...a BBQ or dinner out, something. Shop for just the right gift and card. Now going and buying cards for my dad and his dad was VERY difficult! I did have to wipe away a few tears in the aisle of Hallmark. Especially when I passed by the "To My Husband" section.

It also difficult because it is the first time I haven't had MY dad here for a very long time. Plus I sent him a card and it had all the words and sentiment that I wanted him to know...but I just don't think he will understand. So it is kind of a double loss this year. I can't even call my dad because I don't think he would REALLY know me if I talked to him on the phone. So I card and some cookies will have to do.... I just hope deep down he knows I love him!

I leave for the symposium on Wednesday. My speech is written and I have read it to several people and they have given me the thumbs up. So I am done trying to change and perfect it anymore, I am just going with it. It is really just from the heart and I hope it inspires some people too! I also have gathered a lot of ammunition for the Senators and Congressman. I have tried to be nice the last few years. This year, I am going with more fire in my belly. I won't yell and scream, but I WILL show pictures and I will have Craig's ashes around my neck, HOPEFULLY that will make them listen a bit more intently. After the symposium I will ask Carol to post my speech, as I have had several people want to hear/read it. But, I don't want EVERYONE to know what I am going to say or they will be bored at the acceptance speech

Cruise-Loring and Mary Jane Williams along with several of their friends are going to the Mediterranean in October and invited me to join them. Well I was hesitant at first, but then my good friend Lisa Blanzy said she would go with me So we are going from the 12-27. We will be going to Spain (2 days), Venice (2 days), France, Italy (Florence & Cannes), Croatia and Greece. I may have forgotten a port!! But I am excited!! It will be over mine and Craig's 29th anniversary on Oct. 25. so that will be good!

So I have been keeping busy making reservations and looking at ports and such. Also, not being a very good writer, my speech has taken me quite a while to write and rewrite.

I wish all of you a Happy Father's Day. Keep Emily close to your heart.

Believing!!!!! Shelly

Time keeps on tick'in

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 02:46:00 GMT

BOOOO!!! The Red Wings lost! I am not a happy camper. I was really pulling for them but it was not in the cards. For all of you who are saying they are done....I believe I have heard that the last 3-4 years! We still have plenty of young talent coming up, don't count us out!

I finally have a rough draft of my speech written. It is about 3 pages long, font 16. So I don't think it will take long maybe 10 minutes at the most. I am so excited. Dr. Chabot was NOT planning on coming in for the Gala dinner on Friday night. I asked him if he would please come and since I was receiving the award for Craig and I and I would love for him to sit at my table. He finally answered me today and said he could make it!! Earlier he was not sure he could clear his calender...YEAH!! It will be so nice to Drs. Taub and Chabot and or course dear, sweet Mary.

Phyllis, Lee and Emily are coming in late Thurs. night. Friday is the Tribute Day, followed by the Gala dinner. Friday night Kyle comes in and Sat. & Sun. we are planning a mini vacation to see some of DC. As many time as I have been there I have never really seen the sights. So we are going to see some of the historical sights...it should be fun.

I went to Solutia on Friday for a plant wide award ceremony for safety. It was nice that they invited me. I enjoyed seeing many of Craig's work friends (my friends too!).

I am getting back into walking. I have started walking with Renee. She is determined to get my butt moving and she is flexible, which helps. I am also getting caught up on all of the paperwork!! It seemed endless for awhile. But things seem to be slowing down a bit.

Nothing else really exciting. Just keeping in touch. Father's Day is this Sunday....Keep Emily in your thoughts, I know this is going to be a very rough day for her!

BELIEVING....Shelly

CRYING TIME AGAIN!

Phyllis Critchfield — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 17:04:00 GMT

I never thought the Wings would lose untiil I watched them play this series! They just did not want the cup as bad as Pittsburg did, I guess. I guess I shouldn't have gotten so excited!

DETROIT RED WINGS WIN LORD STANLEY'S CUP IN HOCKEYTOWN 2009!!!

Phyllis Critchfield — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 11:51:00 GMT

That is what I want tomorrow's headline to read. We are all excited here in Hockeytown USA, to be sure. Due to time difference our puck drops at * pm - (same time I realize, but relatively speaking - I wish it were 7 pm here.) I know Craig is watching and waiting just like we are! GO RED WINGS!

Don, Eva, Devon and Vanessa will be at our house watching the game. We are looking forward to an excitng evening!

GOOOOOOOOO WINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Detroit Rocks!

Shelly Kozicki — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 11:33:00 GMT

LET'S GO WINGS!!!!!! I will be watching tonight, that is for sure. I haven't missed a game...hardly a minute.

I am hoping that they just "through" that game in Philly so they could win it at home in Hockey Town. I would like to BELIEVE they are that confident I hope everyone is pulling for the Wings this year...I know if Craig were her, he would have wanted it to go to game 7 and then win it at home. I am hoping he has some pull "up there" and help KEEP the Stanley Cup where it belongs in DETROIT!!!

The puck drops at 7pm....you know where I will be

BELIEVING......Shelly

Detroit Might Not Sauce After All?

Tom Talbot — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 04:43:00 GMT

I realize the Red Wings aren't playing the Blues in the Stanley Cup Playoffs which would certainly bring the blog to full life, but it is very exciting just the same. I was watching game 6 last night and the Pittsburgh crowd was roaring and I just couldn't help but remember my little Megan (who was four at the time and is now seven) and her Dee-Troit Sauce!! story. Some of you will remember it (here's the link to the original http://craigkozicki.com/2007/02/09/deetroit--sauce.aspx) but for those who don't here's the story from a three years later perspective.

We had a double date set up with Craig & Shelly to attend the game in their seats (no buffalo chips - the best seats in the stadium) and they had to bail out that morning, if I remember correctly due to Shelly's father getting injured- told us to just take our kids and enjoy. So here I am a little embarrased that I'm sitting in such expensive seats with two small kids who would appreciate the game the same in the 300th row. Megan, again four at the time, is spending more time with her coloring book than watching the game, again making me feel pretty self-conscious about the seats we're in. But when one of the Detroit players has an unfortunate skate vs. leg collision with Manny Legace, Legace is limped off of the ice for the remainder of the game.

The crowd went wild - 15,000 plus people screaming "DEE-TROIT SUCKS!!". As is always the case in these situations, the crowd starts to die down. So with the final repetitions, the count goes from 15,000 to 5,000 to 500 to 50 to 3. So Megan, who had put down her coloring book to make sure she was part of the commotion, was standing on top of her seat with her arm pumping and screaming with the 15,000. Then she was screaming with the 5,000 - then the 500 then the 50 - then the 3. And as it was down to 3 in the entire stadium, her voice rang loud and clear to all those in the surrounding area "DEE-TROIT SAUCE!!" She had no clue what had happened in the game or what people were chanting but wasn't going to be left out.

The surrounding seats got a big kick out of that and for the rest of the game the three or four more times the same chant rang out for various reasons they all laughed and looked back at our seats and yelled Mango's version instead of the other.

And what really gave it a life forever is the ongoing exchanges Peat and I had on this - just great. Including the official "Dee-Troit Sauce" CD of kids music that Peat gave Megan in honor of the event.

So Shelly, it would have been much more fun to attend the game with Craig and yourself but since that wasn't possible what a classic memory that lives on as I watch these playoffs.

So - all you Detroit fans - where is the trash talk about the playoffs? Sound off. At our house we'll be toasting Detroit and cheering for them in Craig's honor in game 7 Friday night.

Moving Forward

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:14:00 GMT

It has been just over 2 months since I lost my sole mate. However, I think I am doing amazingly well. I AM finding Shelly and I like her! She is stronger than I thought she was! I have started consulting about Mesothelioma!! The important part of the job is teaching people about the effects that mesothelioma has on real peoples lives. I will be working with lawyers and marketing as well as patients to make sure that they are well informed about how or what is said/read, is received by the patient or the caregiver. I will also be writing a piece on grieving that will go into print shortly and will be given to those that have recently lost a loved one. It will contain information that I found useful and things that I needed and never thought I would, along with me as contact. So it has been a busy last couple of weeks for me as I enter a new phase in my life.

I am also getting ready for DC. I have to begin to write an acceptance speech...UGH! I wish I had more confidence in this area. I know it will be highly emotional for me. Just going to the symposium without Craig will be tough enough and seeing his name on the tribute wall...rougher yet. I am looking forward to seeing so many people in the meso community though. I know I will draw strength from them. I have an idea of what I want to say, I just need to get it into bullet point form and then fill in the blanks as I go. I just basically speak from my heart and wing it.... It worked last time, so I hope it will work this time as well.

Phyllis posted a picture of Hazel. She is adorable!! I have been the "nanny gram" all week. She is very smart and slept through the night last night! She only has one accident per day...not bad for a puppy. She hasn't chewed anything but her toys, she can sit, lay and will come (from a short distance). She is FULL of energy and has me worn out by the time Emily and Kyle get home from work. She seems to know her name now...although sometimes I think, she thinks, it is "good girl"

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s. Bob Ryan had total knee replacement today...keep him in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks

HAZEL

Phyllis Critchfield — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:36:00 GMT

Here is a photo of Emily and Kyle's new addition. She is very cuddily and does not whine - that is all I know at this time, but wanted the world to see how cute she is!

AND, LET'S NOT FORGET -- GO RED WINGS !!!!

Finding Shelly

Shelly Kozicki — Tue, 26 May 2009 20:15:00 GMT

These past two months (almost) have been filled with sooo many emotions I really could not put them into one blog as I know I would miss many. Today is going to be about finding Shelly. These past several weeks have been odd for me. I have never been just "Shelly". I was always mom & dad's Shelly or Craig's Shelly, but never JUST SHELLY!! It is strange. I am trying very hard to be happy in my own skin and finding MY place in the world.

This path has already found twists and turns that I hadn't expected, emotions I don't like to feel (but are very real), questions that I don't have answers for (yet), and feelings that I am not sure how I am suppose to deal with all of the time. But I am learning more and more about myself everyday. I think I am stronger than I gave myself credit, although I am not as strong as MANY of you think I am I find myself wanting more for myself NOW! I am not a patient person....I guess I always knew that. I want to keep moving forward, even if it hurts. It does hurt to move forward, because by moving forward you give up little pieces of the past. Physical pieces that is. A simple example is taking Craig's name off countless accounts, forms and bills...each time I do this, it is like I am erasing him somehow.....I cannot begin to tell you how hard that is to do....

But, by doing all of these things I am having to learn to be me, just me. That is a scary thing sometimes. I can say I have made strides in some areas and baby steps in others, but I feel that I am healing and moving forward. I know that would make Craig happy and that will make me happy again one day too!!

Believing...Shelly

p.s. Emily and Kyle pick up their "baby" (puppy) on Saturday. She is VERY cute. Her name is Hazel and she is already about 10 pounds. Pictures will be posted by somebody when they get her.

Keeping Busy

Shelly Kozicki — Tue, 19 May 2009 16:00:00 GMT

YIKES!! I miss you too Phyllis. I know I have been busy and phone tag has been a thing with a few people. I am trying to catch up but with the time change I hesitate to call after 9:00. I know all to well about tough decisions, you are doing what is best, don't second guess yourself for a second!! I love you!

I have begun one on one counseling...much better!! She seemed to validate where I was in my process of grieving and that was refreshing. I thought I was doing really well, I just needed to hear it from a professional that I was. I know that may sound strange, but she agreed that I have been grieving along time and that moving on was ok. Even though I miss Craig terribly, it is ok to begin to move forward with MY life even if has only been a short time since his death. I really needed to hear that.

I went to a wedding at the Coronado on Saturday night. That was tough. It was a beautiful wedding and brought back many emotions. I thought I would just eat and leave, but I stayed till the end. I did not dance or anything and I had to go out and compose myself a few times, but I stayed. I think that was much bigger than a "baby step" for me. It was really my first time out socially as a "single" person. I did feel out of place and very alone. Especially when slow dances were playing. I cannot tell you how much I missed Craig that night. (tears are flowing pretty freely now!) Also there was an empty chair next to me at dinner.....UGH!

I have started working on my Hope Center again. That has been a great help too. It gives me purpose and drive to know I helping again. The symposium is just around the corner as well. I have been thinking about what to say at the acceptance speech. I wish Emily could just do it for me!! She is gifted when it comes to writing and speaking. Maybe I will have her record it and then I will just move my mouth... Phyllis, Lee, Emily and hopefully Kyle are coming to DC to be to see me accept this amazing honor for Craig and I. If anyone else wants to come let me know

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s. Thank you notes....still pending....I am still struggling.

Dad, and stuff

Phyllis Critchfield — Tue, 19 May 2009 11:37:00 GMT

I sure miss talking to you. I keep wondering how you are doing, but we not seem to connect. I thought maybe the blog was the way to go. So, how are you? Are you eating? Read any good books lately? How's Luke? When are you planning to go to DC? I think we will go out on Thurs night and come home Sunday. That way we can see Randy and Cindy Sat. nite...if they are around.

They are moving Dad to the Alzheimer's unit on Wednesday. It is so hard to make that decision. Tho I know he needs to be there, it breaks my heart. I feel like the bad daughter who put her dad away. I am sure you understand. And, then, wouldn't you know it, he's had a 'good spell' since Sunday. He asked to be shaved on Sunday, he is up walking around, knew he needed to use the toilet and is in a great mood. I feel so guilty for moving him. I know it is the right thing and I know he needs to be there - but why does he have to be doing so dang good right now! It is just so hard. Lee and I went to the Harbor to see his room and it just made me so sad. They have all these 'locked' areas and some of the people are a little 'insane' - but well taken care of - just so sad. They work more on group activities and the unit is only 18 residents - there is better care and attention for him. Each nurse has only 4 residents - and they were all nice and seemed to like their jobs. I just know in my heart it is where he needs to be.....

Mom is doing well. Linda finished the bed skirt and it looks beautiful - can't wait to see the valance. She does such beautiful work. She moved the pillows from the love seat to the wall along the bed, and with her pillow sham it looks like a daybed - very pretty. Now, we can decorate the wall above it. Maybe just three little metal plaques or something. I will be on the lookout for that next. Maybe I will take her to Home Goods tomorrow night - to get her out of there. I know that will be a bad day for her.

Scott and Martha are going to be here this weekend. Linda is having a b-day party for her on Saturday and I am thinking of what kind of 'princess' cake to make for her. I cannot decide if I want to do a Barbie doll, princess crown or castle. I think I might call Isabella and see what SHE wants. I have some pretty good ideas in my head.

I love you!
Phyllis

Mandy took the boys for a bike ride yesterday and Everett fell asleep on big brother, Owen. Everett looks comfortable, but Owen looks scrunched a bit.

Hi, Sissie

Phyllis Critchfield — Mon, 18 May 2009 12:08:00 GMT

Hi, Sissie -

I got the nicest email from Aunt Maryan (Wokas) and I wanted to share it with you. I do not think they ever met, but she has been a blog reader and financial supporter since the birthday 'grant' drive. She is a wonderful Aunt and I love her dearly (and she is not even my aunt, she's Lee's!).

"My heart goes out to Shelly and all of you and tho I never met Craig he is the bravest person I have ever heard of and we have tremendous admiration for him and the family handling it all so well. It must have been such an effort for him to walk his daughter down the aisle but he did it. He is a real hero."

OK, on a lighter note -

We had Devon and Vanessa this weekend, and what I thought would be an exhausting weekend - turned out to be great. They were both just darling and so good. They both sleep through the night, which really makes the next day run smoother for me. I am not ANY good after interrupted sleep. Vanessa did wake up at 4 ea. morning, but Lee went in and soothed her and she'd sleep another 3 hrs. She smiles all the time and that dimple of hers just sends me over the edge. She sucks in her bottom lip now and with that dimple I think she looks like a little cabbage patch doll - it is so cute! I will post a picture of it when I get one. Devon was just a little doll, as usual. He is definitely Grandmom's boy! He clings to me and does not want anyone else. Looks like I have two now! Frank and family came over and we had dinner for Don's b-day. It was a wonderful weekend.

How's Luke? Mandy told me you have to cook for him. I hope you remember how - LOL! Maybe you could even cook something for yourself! You still need to eat, you know. I am sorry we are not good at playing phone tag - seems nether wins - but I would love to talk with you. Maybe I will catch you tonite -

Love you much,
Phyllis

GO RED WINGS!!!!!

Phyllis Critchfield — Fri, 15 May 2009 15:18:00 GMT

Hi, Sissie-

LET'S GO RED WINGS!!! WHOOO HOOOOO!!! Awesome game last night. Don and Eva were there and said the crowd ERUPTED when Cleary scored! OSGOOD, OSGOOD, OSGOOD!!!! I was home screaming and jumping around, myself......now, on to the next series on Sunday!

You know, I still read this blog just about every day. It is so comforting to see how you are doing. I know it has been a source of comfort to you to express your feelings here. You wear your heart on your sleeve and it makes you appear so vulnerable and so real. You are and always have been sincere - no wonder you have so many friends who care and love you so much. I just cannot imagine how difficult this must be and yet you exhibit so much strength. I know you do not think you are strong - but you are stronger than you realize. After all you have been through and continue to go through, you are still an inspiration to many. I am so proud to call you my sister! I love you so muuuuccccchhhhh! (Now I'm crying!)

I just wanted to send a little love and support your way so you know we (the bloggers) are here and we do read and we do care - and as Craig would say, "Never give up!" well, that, and 'it is what it is'

Love you much,
Phyllis

There is Cleary . . .

Then there is Devon . . .

Thinking of You

Mandy Critchfield — Fri, 15 May 2009 03:21:00 GMT

Shelly,

We are just blown away by your strength, courage and optimism. Throughout the entire illness you, Craig and Emily were all inspirations for so many people and you continue to be one. I believe that your motivation to help find a cure will go a long way to help many people.

I am so glad that you were able to spend the weekend with us. We really enjoyed having you here. (Sorry about all the sleep loss). Owen has not stopped asking about when we're going to St. Louis to see his Auntie Shell. We're thinking of you often.

Lots of love,

Mandy and Frank

Journalizing

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 14 May 2009 03:16:00 GMT

Well, here I am still blogging. I don't know if anyone is still reading but I am going to continue blogging as this is the only way I know to keep my self grounded. I find this blog a place that feels safe...somehow?? I know that may seem strange but I find peace in knowing that I have touched peoples lives and people have touched mine right back through this blog. I can sit here at any time, day or night and tap on these keys, express my feelings and feel better for doing it. I know words are misspelled, my grammar is not correct, but I know you don't judge me, you just read because you care. If you are concerned you call, if you want to, you blog back or you may be one of the many who just read.....and that is okay too!

What started out as a way to keep in touch with family and friends while Craig was so sick in NY years ago has transformed into an amazing, life changing, ongoing, life story. Ones filled with laughs, hopes, fears, battles, tears, joy, pain, love, believing, achieving, weddings, births and yes, death. But we shared all of these things together, as an intertwined "blog family.' It has surprised me how many people have come to know and care about each other through this blog....really care!!

I have met new meso patient through this blog. So I know this blog has helped to save lives. How wonderful is that!!!!

As days turn into weeks since Craig's death, I found an inner peace. I miss him everyday and find or hear things that remind me of him all the time, but I am at peace. His is no longer in pain and I have been grieving for a long time. It is just now the final chapter of OUR lives has come to an end. I will always have a part of Craig with me when I look into the eyes of Emily. She is the greatest gift he ever gave me.

My life will continue down a path I do not know. I do want to be a great mom to Emily & (in-law) Kyle (and hopefully grandma someday too!) I do know that one day I will be happy again. One day my heart will stop aching but it will forever be touched by Craig. I do want to make a difference in this world so Craig did not die in vain. I will continue my effort to find a cure and be an advocate for those who are suffering.

Well, I guess that is about all I DO KNOW today. If I can do that in my lifetime then.....life is good

BELIEVING

Shelly

Just checking in

Shelly Kozicki — Wed, 06 May 2009 14:47:00 GMT

I will be leaving to see Brent graduate and see my mom and dad. I will also be staying with my nephew Frank and his wife Mandie and their 2 boys Owen and Everett. Owen has made PLENTY of plans for me as I am told. It will be nice because we will all spend Mother's Day together, including the entire Steele family. So that will be very nice. Phyllis and Lee are bring my mom out to Frank's house for a BBQ...I hope the weather is beautiful!!

I will be starting one on one counseling since the group counseling just doesn't seem the right thing for me. I really think that I am doing great, considering, but I just want to make sure that I am truly healthy. I have only had 1 or 2 bad days and I have forced myself to be productive. Get up and pay bills, clean files, go to lunch or something to get out of my funk, so all in all I think that is good. Like I have said before, I have been grieving for a long time. Now it is just really missing Craig and the time we spent together. The quietness of the house, being alone, etc. I know I will be happy again one day, that is what we BOTH wanted....it will just take some time.

Our friend Deb R. has lung cancer stage 4. Please keep her and her family in your prayers. This is quite a shock as she feels great and really had no symptoms.

I am planning on begining to work next week on my Hope Center Packet. I will meet with SimmonsCooper and we are going to have a planning session. They want to know my vision of the packet and are eager to work with me on it. So that is exciting. They are willing to help write, implement and design my vision. I just need to collect the information, put it into order, write a rough outline and submit it. They will then clean it up and submit it back to me for approval. Pretty cool!! I am so excited to get back to activism.

Well I guess that is really about it for now. I will blog when I return. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO ARE MOTHER'S AND GRANDMOTHER'S!!!!

BELIEIVING....Shelly

One Month

Shelly Kozicki — Fri, 01 May 2009 15:56:00 GMT

It has been one month since Craig's death. Although, for me it feels like I have been losing him since October of 2008. I think that is when my REAL grieving began. Not including the multipul times in between when I thought I may loose him and the SHOCK phase of of 1998. I know I wore my emotions on my sleeve for many months leading to his passing. Crying came easy and fear, anger and the thought of being alone was never far behind.

But as I said before I have channeled my anger into a positive thing...the MESO Foundation. I will soon be working again to help find a cure. I will try to stop the import of metric tons still leagally being imported into the USA and hopefully in my lifetime I will see a change for the better. In June at the Symposium I will challenge all patients and caregivers to do the same. To turn their anger into action.

I really think I am going to be ok. I miss Craig of course!! But I know from our many talks he would be proud of me for not crying and curling up in a ball and stop living. He wanted me to move on and be happy and I am doing that for him as well as for me. (as tears are running down my face) I am going to go to Michigan see Brent (Kyle's) brother graduate from U of M with his Law Degree. He is in the top of he class! I'm so proud of him. I will see my mom and dad and maybe my sisters, I will only be in 2 nights. (baby steps)

I have to confess, I am having trouble with thank you notes!!! I will try to get them out, they are bought but none are written. Please be patient and all of you know how thankful I am for all you have done and continue to do for me and my family. I once heard a thank you note can never be sent out too late......so mine my be a test of time.

Believing.....Shelly

Day by Day

Shelly Kozicki — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 15:14:00 GMT

I was thinking maybe I should add a new category...Shelly's Update I am doing as well as can be expected. I really think, now as I have gone to ONE group counseling, I am further along than most. So many have been living with their pain for over a year or more before seeking help...so sad. I think people were amazed when we went around the table and gave our name and how long it has been since our spouse passed away and I said 3 weeks!

I really think I have been grieving the losing of Craig for a along time. So the SHOCK part of grief happened to me in 1998. I think on their 4 step wheel of grief I am on step 3 Disorganization!! Scattered thoughts, forgetfulness (at least now I can blame it on something), picking things up and putting them back down, not really sure what to do with them, etc.

But, I still miss Craig beyond measure. His touch, his smell, his caring voice and reassurance. EVERYTHING!! Craig did give me so much. I think, no I know, he has even helped me to grieve. We had MANY talks about his passing, about his thoughts and my thoughts and my fears. We cried together (mostly me) but he wanted me to move on with my life and be happy. So I find comfort in that. When I went to the support group, people were so sad and some seemed so dependent on it (going over and over)!!! I was rubbing peoples back and handing them tissues. So I will go again, but I am not sure how much I will get out of it.

On another note: I am going to be grandma....to a DOG!!! Due May 31. Kyle & Emily are VERY excited. I am going to go shopping for puppy items now. So I will write later.

Believing...Shelly

p.s. Please pray for our friend Deb Rolerkite & her family who just found out she has aggressive lung cancer. She is a non-smoker and is in shock.

That's just amazing!

Russ and Emily Kuttenkuler — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 02:12:00 GMT

Thank you, Carol, for posting that. Thank you, Emily, for sharing that. That letter from Craig sounds sooo like him. You are your father's daughter! Just know that your dad is STILL smiling back at you from "the stands"...

Eulogy For My Dad 4/18...Emily Kozicki Steele

Carol Bleisch — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 22:24:00 GMT

My dad had a long list of redeeming qualities and at most, a couple flaws – his stubbornness happened to fall into both categories. On one hand, his stubbornness (which could better be described as determination or courage) gave him an incredible will to live, and therefore gave all of us many laughs, smiles and fond memories. It was also because of this stubbornness or determination, if you prefer, that I am not reading you a letter prepared by my dad specifically for this very moment.

Three days before my dad passed away, I shared with him a goodbye letter I had written to express my love and admiration for him as a father and a man. After a few emotional exchanges between us when I had finished my note, he looked up at me with those sincere blue eyes and said “Oh, I still need to get to my letters sometime.” With tears in my eyes, I hesitantly nodded my head, knowing of course due his deteriorating situation that sometime would be never. He wanted to write a few letters to leave behind, one of which was what he wanted read on this day in front of all of you. So I guess this example would fall under the category of his stubbornness being a flaw. Because my dad had such an amazing outlook and unwavering hope, he refused to give up on life, so he instead had to give up the letter he wanted shared today. The truth of the situation is that my dad fought hard until the very end, his stubbornness not only giving us years – but extra moments up until his last breath. Although I do not have a letter to read from him, I do have my best attempt at what I think he would have written – and of course many irreplaceable memories. I told him one night after he passed, that I would do my very best to express what I think he would have wanted to say – so one of his final wishes would not go unfulfilled.

My dad’s letter would be a perfect blend of wit, humor, gratitude and hope – combined for the intention of giving us peace, a little advice and permission to move forward with our memories of him close to our hearts. So in the following passage, I will attempt to write what my dad would have wrote. It is hard to capture the words of your father…the person you stared up at with adoring eyes while dancing on his feet, the person you smiled at in the stands in a basketball game eager for approval, the person who inspired you and so many others to appreciate life, the person who made you want to be successful, want to be courageous and want to be just like him. My dad made me complete and gave me all the love, affection and warm memories a child could ever ask for. So, to express my gratitude and to fulfill a final wish of a man who has given me so much – I am giving him his final words, his closure he could not say himself.

This is the final letter from Craig Kozicki to all of you.

“I want to thank all of you for coming today to celebrate my life. I told Shelly that I wanted a party, although I’m pretty sure this is not taking place at the VFW hall with cases of beer as I had suggested. Nonetheless, I hope this gathering has a joyful tone providing opportunity for reflection. I understand of course that grieving is a natural part of the process, but I truly hope there will be many more smiles than tears today.

And here’s why…

I have lived a full life – maybe not in the essence of time – but definitely in the richness of my experiences and relationships. It is easy to say that dying under these circumstances is unfair, and I would be lying if I said at times I don’t feel saddened by what I am going to miss in the future – things like traveling with Shelly or watching Emily and Kyle have a family of their own. I can promise you though, that I don’t feel cheated as life has given me many gifts that I am eternally grateful for. Some of these gifts exist as fond memories, while others are simply the people who have touched my life.

When I think about the events that have shaped the person I am or the memories that have brought me happiness – I am overwhelmed with the selection. I was born into a loving home and as I grew up, I was not only surrounded by an affectionate family, but also happily occupied with friendships comprised of inside jokes, late nights, softball games, nicknames and a few bad decisions here and there. Then, I met Shelly and learned that my bad decisions weren’t quite as funny to her as they were to my buddies. In all seriousness, I fell in love with her and proposed six weeks after our first date. The kindness, devotion and passion she possessed when I met her, has been unwavering in our 28 years of marriage. In fact, her loyalty has only been strengthened as she has nurtured me through this illness and inspired other caretakers and patients alike. In 1985 Shelly gave me the gift of a daughter, who I have adored since I first laid eyes on her. She has been a constant ray of sunshine in my life and has always been optimistic, providing me stability at any moment of weakness. Through all her endeavors, she has made me very proud. In December I also gained a son. I love Kyle like he is my own and trust he will take care of my girls for me when I no longer can.

I have lived long enough to meet many people who changed my life forever for the better. People who made life worth living and worth fighting for – people like all of you. For that I consider myself lucky.

I am so grateful for the support and strength you all have given to me and my family. I am grateful for talented doctors, compassionate friends, a warm family and helpful neighbors. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making a difficult situation as easy as it could possibly be. I could never fully explain what your cards, blog entries and phone calls have meant over the years, but I ask for your continued support of my family and of each other when I am gone. I have always been humbled by the idea of people calling me a hero, when in fact it has been the effort of all of us together.

I want to come to a close with a quote that I am sure you all will feel is appropriate, as it comes from one of my favorite movies - Rocky. I feel it not only reflects my personal battle, but also can inspire you to use today as closure to begin the healing process. Rocky said, “It ain’t about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” Find comfort in those words and in knowing that I will always be with you in your memories – and I will live in your hearts and through the stories you tell.

If I could leave you with one piece of advice, it would be that you cannot control the hand you are dealt, but you can control what you make of it. As I like to say, “it is what it is,” so appreciate and live for every moment and take advantage of every opportunity. I wish each of you the same happiness that has filled my life so completely. I’d like to hope, as you move on, that you think about me every once in awhile, because I will never forget what we have shared or how each one of you has uniquely touched my life.

I love you all in this life and the next,

Craig”

Thoughts

Shelly Kozicki — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 06:45:00 GMT

Well it is about 2am and I could have sworn I just heard Craig call "Shell"! So I bolted straight up and said "What, are you okay?" Old habits are hard to break.... So now is as good as time as any to put some of my thoughts out to all of you.

I really didn't know what to expect on Saturday. How the place was going to look? Emily and I went into much detail about how we had hoped it would look, but believe it or not in the 105 year history of the Art Museum, that was the first memorial/celebration of life ceremony! I was not sure how I would be emotionally or how I would respond when I saw all of you. I can confess now that I had people watching out for me waiting for a signal to get me the hell our of there!! I was really afraid of falling apart or just wanting to be left along. Fortunately neither was true. I found comfort in your presence and appreciated all of your effort to share Craig's life with us.

I hope everyone got a glimpse into parts of Craig's life they were unaware off. His life was so much more than cancer. Cancer in some small way just let others realize what a great and wonderful man he was. I think all of the speakers did such a great job to help you see how far reaching his kindness, laughter and love stretched.

Moving on is difficult. I still have family with me which is a HUGE blessing. I start grief counseling on Thursday for young widows!! YIKES! It has been 3 weeks and in someways it seems like 3 days and in others 3 years....I miss him so much! That is one thing I cannot find word to describe.

Believing, hoping and praying my heart will one day begin to heal....Shelly

p.s. Several people have asked me for a copy of Emily's eulogy. If more people want it I may just put it on the blog. I still look at the blog daily. Don't forget me!!

Tell me about it!

Russ and Emily Kuttenkuler — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 00:26:00 GMT

I hated to miss Craig's celebration, but I was running across Illinois with 7 others at the River to River 80 mile relay on Saturday. I do think Craig was cheering me on at the last leg that I finished at 6:40 pm (he can be in more than one place at a time now).

I hope to see photos and hear some stories of the evening, I'm sure it was a good time, just like Craig ordered.

Shelly, Emily and all your family and friends, take heart that Craig can be with you at the mere thought of him. He's with you every step if you want. (By the way, I'm not making this up - I read it in the somewhere in the book series "Conversations with God". I think it was in book 3.) Anyway, Craig wants you to be happy again, so do NOT feel guilty about allowing yourself to seek some fun and enjoyment even in your sadness. And know our prayers will continue for you.

Okay, enough seriousness for me, bring on the fun stories!

Russ

Such fun memories of Craig!

Ray Dixon — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 20:38:00 GMT

Hi Shelley and Emily,
We were so sorry to hear the news about Craig. What a great person and we are so thankful that you all were part of our lives. We cherish the memories of when you lived here and miss you!
Please know that we are there in spirit with you.
If we were there, I'd bring my "Skip It" ! Emily and I owned the record on that thing. And are your memorial attendees going to do your old broom trick? I'm sure Craig's spirit would get a kick out of that! How many dizzy people fell into your bushes doing that???
You are in our thoughts and prayers - please call us when you come to visit Kathy and Bob.
Love you,
Ray and Peggy Dixon

Stuck

Shelly Kozicki — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 03:27:00 GMT

That is how I feel....stuck! Not really able to move forward yet. Perhaps after Saturday I will, but it still seems surreal. I am going through all the motions I am suppose to, filling out paper work, contacting proper companies and changing documents, but it just doesn't seem real. I woke up the other night and it took me about 30 seconds to fully wake up and I REALLY thought I was waking up from a nightmare...unfortunately when I fully woke up it was my horrible reality...life without Craig.

Support! I have so much. Cards by the dozens....even from people I haven't heard from in 15 years or more! Flowers...beautiful! Food...trust me Emily and Kyle and my brother are VERY thankful (I am too of course) Pam Ryan has called every day just to make sure I am okay. She has not left my side since Craig's death and has promised me she will be here for the long haul!! She is just one of many who continue to help me cope. At times I don't know if I will get through the next hour and then someone calls or just happens to stop over....I just know this healing process is going to take a while and I hope I can count on all of you to be there. At times I feel like I am strong and others I feel so fragile. I guess that is normal?? Oh well, enough of that...

I am looking forward to seeing you on Saturday. We are going to have some journals to write your favorite Craig memories in, so start thinking. We are also having name tags because there are so many people from the blog, work, friends, family, etc. We think it will be great for people to be able to put names with faces and meet each other. Craig would have liked that!

Believing...Shelly

Memorial Page

Pamela Ryan — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 19:34:00 GMT

Friends, the path below is to the site for Baue Funeral home with Craig's obituary. There is a link to sign guest book and leave a message. Shelley, Emily and Kyle will be printing the guest book messages to save in a memorial book. Please go to the link and leave a message for them.

Go to Baue.com and select obituaries you will then be taken to Craig's obituary - select sign guest book

Thank you

THINKING OF YOU

June Berger — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 01:24:00 GMT

Dear Shelly

We wish we could be there with you to celebrate Craig's life but know that we will be thinking of you. You have so many great people that love you and still love Craig. He was a great person. I will pass on a memory poem that we had printed for our many friends at Lauries funeral.  To me, this is how Craig was.

      WHEN I MUST LEAVE YOU

   When I must leave you for a little while
   Please do not grieve and shed wild tears
   And hug your sorrow to you through the years.

   But start out bravely with a gallant smile,
   And for my sake and in my name
   Live on and do all things the same,

   Feed not your loneliness on empty days,
   But fill each waking hour in useful ways,
   Reach out your hand in comfort and in cheer
   And I in turn will comfort you and hold you near,

   And never, never be afraid to die,
   For I am waiting for you in the sky!!

Our love to you      June

Dress Code!

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 03:26:00 GMT

That's right a dress code. I am asking that people come to the celebration in COLOR! Men this is the one time you do not have to wear a suits or ties to a funeral!! Craig HATED suits. So come business casual...he would have loved that! Ladies spring has sprung, dress with joy in your heart. So bottom line stay away from BLACK and lets make this as positive as we can.

THANKS! Shelly

One Week

Shelly Kozicki — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:24:00 GMT

Well it has been 1 week ago today that Craig passed away. In some ways it seems like months and in others it seems like minutes. I can't begin to express my feelings. He was cremated today....so the cancer is finally out of my life!! He is at peace, so that is comforting. But I miss him every minute. I try to go through the motions of each day. I get dressed, put one foot in front of the other, get out of the house, etc., but it is not with joy in my heart.

I do not know what I will do when Kyle & Emily go back to their condo. Luckily my brother is coming in and staying with me for 10 days after they go back then after Craig celebration my sister will be here for a few more. Right now is the first time I have been sitting alone in my house without anyone else here. It is sooo quiet. I hear the ticking of the clock and the wind blowing outside.

I look forward to seeing everyone on the 18th. I know in some respects it will be hard, but in others it will be uplifting. Craig was (is)loved by so many. I know I will have tears of sadness, but I hope we share some laughter too. Craig would want that. Much love to all my bloggers

Believing...Shelly

Craig at Monsanto Everett plant

Gene McSweeney — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:21:00 GMT

I worked with Craig for a number of years at the long gone Monsanto plant in Everett, Massachusetts. Craig and I ran a production unit there for a while.

I recall a time when the unit I supervised had a major process upset on a holiday weekend. Most everybody in the plant was gone and I was sitting in my office trying to get help from outside of the plant. Craig called (he was supervising another unit) and offered to help me over the weekend. It was a genuine offer of help, of course.

Many of the years at Everett were difficult ones due to the plants tenuous status. Craig never lost his sense of humor and he kept those around him loose with that sense of humor. Whenever I picture Craig, I see him smiling.

If Craig were still around I'd ask him if he recalled "The Miami Trip." I think he'd remember some of the week he, I, and a few others from Everett spent there. We should have been locked up for those expense reports we submitted when we returned.

While I only knew Craig for a few years my memories of him are vivid. I consider him my friend and I think he felt the same way about me. People come and go in our lives. Some are quickly forgotten. Craig will not be one of those.

I'm truly sorry at the loss we've experienced. My love to his family and friends.

Gene McSweeney

Monsanto/Solutia retiree

One day at a time

Greg Paige — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:01:00 GMT

Shelley, I'm so sorry to hear about Craig.

In regard to your observation - yes, one day it will get easier but that's not to be for a while. Though Craig's moved on, your journey continues. One day your feet will be back in the sand, but for now just hang tight, rely on love and grace to carry you forward, and take things one day at a time. I know from losing my best friend and wife of twenty years to cancer that's one thing we had perfected by the end - living one day at a time…

-------------
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

Time Change for Craig's Celebration

Phyllis Critchfield — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 23:02:00 GMT

Shelly asked me to let everyone know the time has been changed for the Celebration of Craig's Life. The new time is 6 to 10 pm. The Art Museum does not close until 5 pm. They will need time to set things up. Hope to see you all there.

Phyllis

Empty

Shelly Kozicki — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 02:16:00 GMT

Craig's Celebration of Life will be on Saturday April 18th from 5pm until approximately 9pm at The Art Museum in Forest Park. A celebratory service will be held around 6-7. It will include eulogy's from different people in Craig's life, along with several picture displays and a visual display also. Emily's best friend Caitlin (maid of honor) has been working tirelessly to put this together for us. Thank you Cait (you know how much Craig & I love you)!! We hope you will be able to attend and celebrate with us.

We will then have another thing that Craig wanted...a party. He never wanted people to mourn him, but celebrate his life. So, Emily, Kyle and I are will have light appetizers and drinks to carry out Craig's wishes. These appetizers and drinks will be available after the celebratory service from approximately 7-9.

I wish I could say the days are getting easier...but I still feel like I am in a fog. Kyle and Emily have not left my side. I think a role reversal has happened. They are taking care of me, when I should be taking care of them.... I love them both so much and they have been amazingly supportive.

My friends continue to know what to do for me before I ask. They show up before I call, bring food before it is needed and stop by and hug me just at the right time. My fears of being alone later on are diminishing as people continue to tell me over and over they will not dessert me. I hope and pray this is the case.

Believing...Shelly

Arrangements

Shelly Kozicki — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 02:02:00 GMT

Each minute seems like an hour and each hour seems like a day. I still am numb and cannot believe that Craig is not ever going to come home again. I miss him so much!!! I know tht people loose their loved ones each day and they recover and move on. People tell me it will get easier.....it is so hard to believe that. I really want to to believe it, because I cannot imagine living the rest of my life with this empty filling and and such a heavy heart.

My friends have been amazing!! You have provided me with more support than one person could ever hope or ask for. For each of you that were at the hospital day after day and those who where with us when Craig passed, thank you. Those who have brought food, thank you. I would list everyones names, but I know I would forget someone, so you know who you are!!! Emily's place of work sent food too and has given her as much time as she needs off to grieve and to be with me. They have been great. Thank you Moosylvania for being so understanding and generous.

CRAIG DID NOT WANT A TYPICAL FUNERAL (BELIEVE IT OR NOT) SO WE ARE HAVING A CELEBRATION OF HIS LIFE ON SATURDAY APRIL 18TH AT THE ART MUSEUM. More details to follow. I just wanted to get the date out so if anyone wanted to make flight & hotel plans they could.

Believing I will see him once again...Shelly

Honor

Carol Bleisch — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 01:36:00 GMT

The flags were flow at 1/2 staff on Friday at Craig's work to honor him.

Goodbye, My Friend

Tom Talbot — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 03:20:00 GMT

Craig and I walking side streets in downtown Brugge, Belgium, January, 2006. Craig was my big brother on this particular day (Anthony certainly remembers) as the night before at the Brussels Holiday Inn no one told me that Duvel Beer is 12% alcohol. A great week of training and experiencing Brussels, Antwerp and Brugge.

The Craigism from that weekend - "Hey, I figured you're a safety guy, you should know to read the label on the bottle".

I miss you Craig.

Tom

PS - As happens with every blog entry, future blog entries bury them. Carol's entry previous to me is very important so I'm encouraging all bloggers in the near future to copy the following text in as I have here. Additionally I've added a permanent link at the top of the menu on the left of this page to get to Craig's tribute grant.

In response to requests about designated memorials, in honor of Craig, you may click on the link below that will lead you to Craig's Tribute page at the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation's website. On-line gifts go directly to Craig's Grant Fund to find a cure for Mesothelioma.

http://www.curemeso.org/siteapps/personalpage/ShowPage.aspx?c=kkLUJ7MPKtH&b=3374467&sid=kkI1KfOTKfKQK7NULuE

If you prefer to mail in a memorial, you may do so by writing a check and in the memo linke write Craig Kozicki.

Mail to:

Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation
PO Box 91840
Santa Barbara, CA 93190-1840
Phone: 805.563.8400
http://www.curemeso.org/

Memorials in Craig's Name

Carol Bleisch — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 01:21:00 GMT

In response to requests about designated memorials, in honor of Craig, you may click on the link below that will lead you to Craig's Tribute page at the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation's website. On-line gifts go directly to Craig's Grant Fund to find a cure for Mesothelioma.

http://www.curemeso.org/siteapps/personalpage/ShowPage.aspx?c=kkLUJ7MPKtH&b=3374467&sid=kkI1KfOTKfKQK7NULuE

If you prefer to mail in a memorial, you may do so by writing a check and in the memo linke write Craig Kozicki.

Mail to:

Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation
PO Box 91840
Santa Barbara, CA 93190-1840
Phone: 805.563.8400
http://www.curemeso.org/

praying for you

Linda Schweitzer — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 19:45:00 GMT

Shelly, Emily, Kyle, everyone...

know that you are being lifted up in prayer... a lot... my mom's in Arkansas & has been praying... she's shared your story with some of her friends & they've been praying. People at my church and small group are praying. Several folks have told me that they feel like they know you all, even though "all we've done is pray". Amazing how prayer can truly connect us.

I pray that God will wrap His arms of love around you and comfort you in the days/weeks ahead...

once again, a song comes to mind:

MercyMe - Homesick
From the album Undone

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Entropy

Randy Pearson — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 19:37:00 GMT

I've been attempting to generate some kind of significant thoughts about Craigisms for hours now…but I'm just numb…my mind has that term that Craig & I never really understood in school…entropy. A randomness that defies logic. Maybe I do understand entropy now. Anyway…a significant memory finally entered my void cerebellum. Not only memories, but burnt-in visuals.

Sometime around February 1980, months after Craig's old girlfriend dumped him (go figure…that girl must've had problems), Craig started talking about this girl in the Monsanto Credit Union. Craig said she seems to be gawking at him a lot. I told him to ask her out. The shy boy didn't. One day as Spring approached in 1980, this girl walked down our hallway…a lower level hallway in the Phosphates Front Office Engineering Building…a path where no Credit Union person would EVER have to travel. As the girl walked by our office, her head was looking 90 degrees into our office. As soon as Craig & I looked up, her head snapped back forward…pretending the casual visual encounter never took place. I have to chuckle here….Craig asked why would she be walking down our hallway?? My response to Craig…actually, my ONLY response to Craig, was……Duuuuuuhhhhhh!!!

Craig and the girl started dating shortly after that "chance" walkby. In months, Craig & the girl were engaged to be married. I asked Craig was he sure…he said he was. Something he just knew. In October 1980, Craig and Shelly married.

I'll never forget how fast Shelly's head snapped back when Craig glanced up that day in February. Weird for a guy to say this…but...it was "cute". I'll also never forget how fast Craig's response was that Shelly was the "one".

28 years. 34 for me. A person is never really gone while there are still memories. Especially the abyssfull Craig has created for us.

Nas Drovia Skol. Always…as I point up towards the sky. Take care buddy, Randy, Dorean, Rebecca, and Adam

Nuff said.

OUR LOVE TO YOU

June Berger — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 16:17:00 GMT

Dear Shelly, Emily, & Kyle

Our deepest sympathy, prayers, & love go out to you. This is a very hard time but Craig is no longer in pain and is in a much better place. May the Lord take you by the hand and lead all of you thru the next few days.

Craig was the bravest person on earth and loved by so many. Both of you poured out your hearts and love to all of us. We know he will continue to fight this with all the Meso patients in heaven.

May God love and comfort you at this darkest hour.

Whip, June, Kim & "Laurie in Spirit"

Precious memories

Linda Lesnau — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 15:37:00 GMT

Shelly, Emily & Kyle,
No words could ever express the sympathy I have for you at this most difficult time. Please know that the precious memories and love of God will sustain you...believe in that. I have many great memories of Craig and what a special person he was. I am thankful that my brother had this friend touch his life & the lives of my parents & myself. Know that you have & will continue to be in my prayers.

God bless
Linda Sue

May choirs of angels lead him into paradise...

MJ Kurdys — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:12:00 GMT

Dearest Shelly and Emily~

We are so very sorry for the unimaginable pain you are experiencing at the loss of your beloved soulmate and Dad. Words cannot possibly bring comfort now - but perhaps hope in the knowledge that your ever-faithful Craig-strong prayer warriors persist - begging that God will bring you healing and comfort with each passing day.

Last night, April 1, 2009 at exactly 9:45pm, the Our Lady of Mt Carmel Gloria Dei choir - 50+ strong - ended with prayer, as is our usual practice. We prayed last night for Craig - specifically that God would be with him in his final hours on earth. We pray now that the choirs of angels and saints will lead him to his Heavenly home.

There can be no doubt that Craig is being lifted up to heaven on the prayers of the mighty Craig-strong army and the mighty - with Craig firmly at the heavenly helm - will now turn their intercessions to you.

May God be with you every moment.

Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine,
et lux perpetua luceat eis.

(Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon them.)

In Christ's love,
Gary and MJ Kurdys

At this time . . .

Olga Pavlick — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 12:31:00 GMT

Dear Shelley, Emily, and Kyle:

I think this video applies to Craig. He really made his time on earth count. God bless you all.

http://www.simpletruths.tv/movies-php?movie=dash

I'm so very sorrry

Carol Paus — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 10:59:00 GMT

Shelly, Emily and Family I so sorry about the loss of Craid. May God hold him close. Please know how much you and Craig have inspired others. Craig is only gone from this Earth, but will still be with us forever, God Bless you Both.
Love, Carol & Bud Paus