Well, here I am still blogging.  I don't know if anyone is still reading but I am going to continue blogging as this is  the only way I know to keep my self grounded.  I find this blog a place that feels safe...somehow??  I know that may seem strange but I find peace in knowing that I have touched peoples lives and people have touched mine right back through this blog.  I can sit here at any time, day or night and tap on these keys, express my feelings and feel better for doing it.  I know words are misspelled, my grammar is not correct, but I know you don't judge me, you just read because you care.  If you are concerned you call, if you want to, you blog back or you may be one of the many who just read.....and that is okay too!

What started out as a way to keep in touch with family and friends while Craig was so sick in NY years ago has transformed into an amazing, life changing, ongoing, life story.  Ones filled with laughs, hopes, fears, battles, tears, joy, pain, love, believing, achieving, weddings, births and yes, death.  But we shared all of these things together, as an intertwined "blog family.'  It has surprised me how many people have come to know and care about each other through this blog....really care!! 

I have met new meso patient through this blog.  So I know this blog has helped to save lives.  How wonderful is that!!!!

As days turn into weeks since Craig's death, I found an inner peace.  I miss him everyday and find or hear things that remind me of him all the time, but I am at peace.  His is no longer in pain and I have been grieving for a long time.  It is just now the final chapter of OUR lives has come to an end.  I will always have a part of Craig with me when I look into the eyes of Emily.  She is the greatest gift he ever gave me.

My life will continue down a path I do not know. I do want to be a great mom to Emily & (in-law) Kyle (and hopefully grandma someday too!) I do know that one day I will be happy again.  One day my heart will stop aching but it will forever be touched by Craig. I do want to make a difference in this world so Craig did not die in vain.  I will continue my effort to find a  cure and be an advocate for those who are suffering. 

Well, I guess that is about all I DO KNOW today.  If I can do that in my lifetime then.....life is good

BELIEVING

Shelly