My dad had a long list of redeeming qualities and at most, a couple flaws – his stubbornness happened to fall into both categories.  On one hand, his stubbornness (which could better be described as determination or courage) gave him an incredible will to live, and therefore gave all of us many laughs, smiles and fond memories.  It was also because of this stubbornness or determination, if you prefer, that I am not reading you a letter prepared by my dad specifically for this very moment.

Three days before my dad passed away, I shared with him a goodbye letter I had written to express my love and admiration for him as a father and a man.  After a few emotional exchanges between us when I had finished my note, he looked up at me with those sincere blue eyes and said “Oh, I still need to get to my letters sometime.” With tears in my eyes, I hesitantly nodded my head, knowing of course due his deteriorating situation that sometime would be never. He wanted to write a few letters to leave behind, one of which was what he wanted read on this day in front of all of you. So I guess this example would fall under the category of his stubbornness being a flaw.  Because my dad had such an amazing outlook and unwavering hope, he refused to give up on life, so he instead had to give up the letter he wanted shared today.  The truth of the situation is that my dad fought hard until the very end, his stubbornness not only giving us years – but extra moments up until his last breath.  Although I do not have a letter to read from him, I do have my best attempt at what I think he would have written – and of course many irreplaceable memories.  I told him one night after he passed, that I would do my very best to express what I think he would have wanted to say – so one of his final wishes would not go unfulfilled.

My dad’s letter would be a perfect blend of wit, humor, gratitude and hope – combined for the intention of giving us peace, a little advice and permission to move forward with our memories of him close to our hearts.  So in the following passage, I will attempt to write what my dad would have wrote.  It is hard to capture the words of your father…the person you stared up at with adoring eyes while dancing on his feet, the person you smiled at in the stands in a basketball game eager for approval, the person who inspired you and so many others to appreciate life, the person who made you want to be successful, want to be courageous and want to be just like him.  My dad made me complete and gave me all the love, affection and warm memories a child could ever ask for.  So, to express my gratitude and to fulfill a final wish of a man who has given me so much – I am giving him his final words, his closure he could not say himself. 

This is the final letter from Craig Kozicki to all of you.

“I want to thank all of you for coming today to celebrate my life.  I told Shelly that I wanted a party, although I’m pretty sure this is not taking place at the VFW hall with cases of beer as I had suggested. Nonetheless, I hope this gathering has a joyful tone providing opportunity for reflection. I understand of course that grieving is a natural part of the process, but I truly hope there will be many more smiles than tears today.

And here’s why…

I have lived a full life – maybe not in the essence of time – but definitely in the richness of my experiences and relationships. It is easy to say that dying under these circumstances is unfair, and I would be lying if I said at times I don’t feel saddened by what I am going to miss in the future – things like traveling with Shelly or watching Emily and Kyle have a family of their own.  I can promise you though, that I don’t feel cheated as life has given me many gifts that I am eternally grateful for.  Some of these gifts exist as fond memories, while others are simply the people who have touched my life. 

When I think about the events that have shaped the person I am or the memories that have brought me happiness – I am overwhelmed with the selection.  I was born into a loving home and as I grew up, I was not only surrounded by an affectionate family, but also happily occupied with friendships comprised of inside jokes, late nights, softball games, nicknames and a few bad decisions here and there.  Then, I met Shelly and learned that my bad decisions weren’t quite as funny to her as they were to my buddies.  In all seriousness, I fell in love with her and proposed six weeks after our first date.  The kindness, devotion and passion she possessed when I met her, has been unwavering in our 28 years of marriage.  In fact, her loyalty has only been strengthened as she has nurtured me through this illness and inspired other caretakers and patients alike.  In 1985 Shelly gave me the gift of a daughter, who I have adored since I first laid eyes on her.  She has been a constant ray of sunshine in my life and has always been optimistic, providing me stability at any moment of weakness.  Through all her endeavors, she has made me very proud.  In December I also gained a son.  I love Kyle like he is my own and trust he will take care of my girls for me when I no longer can.

I have lived long enough to meet many people who changed my life forever for the better.  People who made life worth living and worth fighting for – people like all of you. For that I consider myself lucky.

I am so grateful for the support and strength you all have given to me and my family. I am grateful for talented doctors, compassionate friends, a warm family and helpful neighbors.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making a difficult situation as easy as it could possibly be.  I could never fully explain what your cards, blog entries and phone calls have meant over the years, but I ask for your continued support of my family and of each other when I am gone.   I have always been humbled by the idea of people calling me a hero, when in fact it has been the effort of all of us together.

I want to come to a close with a quote that I am sure you all will feel is appropriate, as it comes from one of my favorite movies - Rocky. I feel it not only reflects my personal battle, but also can inspire you to use today as closure to begin the healing process.  Rocky said, “It ain’t about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” Find comfort in those words and in knowing that I will always be with you in your memories – and I will live in your hearts and through the stories you tell.

If I could leave you with one piece of advice, it would be that you cannot control the hand you are dealt, but you can control what you make of it.  As I like to say, “it is what it is,” so appreciate and live for every moment and take advantage of every opportunity.  I wish each of you the same happiness that has filled my life so completely.  I’d like to hope, as you move on, that you think about me every once in awhile, because I will never forget what we have shared or how each one of you has uniquely touched my life. 

I love you all in this life and the next,

Craig”