I'm back from Ohio and caught up last night with the blog.  I just was too wiped out to even type coherently, let alone try to be funny.  (Peat, I'm glad you enjoyed the anatomy lesson--it was a true story but I never quite thought about it the way it came out while I was typing--wasn't so funny while I was experiencing it!)

Shelly, hope you're feeling better and continue to take care of yourself.

Craig, just talked with Carol and she said you sound good and even had enough energy to call her back twice because you got interrupted--that's the Craig we know and love.

Don S - the Redneck OnStar was the funniest thing.  As I've always suspected, there are even Rednecks in St. Charles!!  That would be Redneck with a capital R--that's how the classy ones spell it...

Here's just a little bit of humor drawn from my Laughter is the Best Medicine files.  They aren't side-splittingly funny, but you might want your pillow anyway, Craig.

Love and laughter,

deb

Brain Cramps  (as evidenced by what came out of their mouths) 

 Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

 Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

 --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.  (Did she win?)

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 "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry.  I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

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 "Smoking kills.  If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. (did she win?)

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 "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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 "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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 "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.  We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

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 "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

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 "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark  (I really think this was  Yogi Berra)

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 "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.  It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !)

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 "I love California.  I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle

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 "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca

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 "The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football.  A genius is a guy like

 Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.

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 "We don't necessarily discriminate.  We simply exclude certain types of people."

 --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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 "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President

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 "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

 --Al Gore, VP 

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 "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

 --Keppel Enderbery

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 "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away.  May God bless you.  You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

 --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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 "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.  And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman