Ol' bloggie is older and grayer but still kicking. 

The site has been modified on the front page to reflect at the very top Craig Kozicki's 3rd Grant.

The link on the toolbar on the vertical menu on the left side of the page will take you to the curemeso link for the grant.

For those of you subscribing who may not visit the blog page all that often, it's www.craigkozicki.com 

Here's the direct link that's the same as the link on the left side vertical menu:  http://www.curemeso.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=280040&supid=301638356

So, please follow this simple three step process:

1)  Get your debit card out of your wallet / purse.
2)  Sell everything you never use any more on e-bay or craigslist (Brad you can sell that old truck to the Smithsonian by now for more than you originally paid for it) and donate
2)  Go to the link.
3)  Put what you can spare towards the grant

Ok that's more marketing than Shelly would want me to put on the blog but you get the idea.

Separately, we'll be publishing details here as they get worked out regarding the next Quartermania and any other fundraisers towards the grant!

Hope all is great with all of you.

Tom

Emily and Kyle finally sold their condo...YEAH!!  I went up to WI to see them last week.  It was a nice visit.  Both of them ran in a half marathon.  It was Emily's first time and she did a great job.  She finished in 2:12, 3 minutes under her projected time, so she was very happy. 

Kyles brother Brent ran too, so Mike and Jan (Kyle's parents)  were up there as well, along with Brent's girlfriend Ann.  It was nice to see everyone.  It has been a very long time since we have all been together.

I did have alone time with Emily which I was hoping for but wasn't thinking would happen.  We spent Sunday together looking at their new home, shopping, eating fancy chocolates and saw the move--Eat, Pray, Love.  We then had dinner with Kyle.  It was a great day.

A few weeks ago I had a get together with several Solutia friends.  I feel blessed that they still want to get together with me and even though Craig is gone they care about me.  We always have fun and enjoy our time together.  This time we had a Low Country Boil dinner.  It was delicious!!  Shrimp, corn, potatoes, beans, mushrooms, onions, boiled and literally thrown on the table to be eaten.  Fun was had by all.

I went to Ohio in July and I am heading back this weekend to see Mary Jane and Loring.  Mary Jane is a meso patient that has been in remission for 6 yrs. YEAH!!  We will be boating, jet skiing and having way too much fun.  A good send off to the summer.

The third $100,000 Craig Kozicki Memorial Grant is about ready to have it's kick-off.  It will be kicked off in an amazing way.  One that I am most proud of.  Emily has always wanted to do something to honor her father, but she could never quite figure out exactly what would capture all her dad went through.  She and my nephew found an organized run that is 205 miles long and spans the state of Florida.  It starts in Clearwater and ends in Daytona.

TEAM:  Emily, nephews Scott, Frank, John, son- in-law Kyle, nieces, Mandi, Holly, Katie,Melissa, brother-in-law Mike, Caitlin and Kevin very special friends.   With support van drivers drivers: brother Doug, nephew Joe niece Laurie, cousin Amy (also a masseuse!).  Cooking a fabulous dinner for all of us is my sister Linda and niece Martha (7 months pregnant). 

We will be coming from Nevada, Colorado, Missouri, Michigan, North Carolina,Wisconsin as well as Florida to run in Craig's memory and fund meso research.

I wanted to give you some insight as to why Emily, along with the help of my nephew, chose this run.  Emily wanted to find an event that would somehow signify Craig's battle with cancer.  This run is 205 miles long and will take over 33 hours for our team of 12 runners to complete.  It will be a commitment of time and a struggle of endurance.  It will be a challenge and at times lonely as they run throughout the night.  It will be painful as all runners will be pushing themselves, some will be running longer than they ever have before.  The shortest distance a runner will run is 13.1 miles, the longest distance will be 22.3 miles. 

I know when Craig started chemo, after his first treatment he said "Well, I'm 16% finished."  I can't help but think that if he were running, he would be thinking in percentages.  I know he will be with each of them as they train and run.  I know he would be proud...I sure am.  To have my family come from all over the country to participate in something like this is beyond words.  I am so happy that each one of my siblings or one of their children has committed to this....It has touched my heart.

So to the whole team....train hard, be safe and remember you have an angel looking out for you!!

Believing...in a cure

Shelly

p.s.  I will have further information but a new website is dedicated to Craig's 3rd Grant.  Donations can be sent to:

http://www.curemeso.org/fundraising/kozickigrant 

All donations are tax deductable.  Please feel free to pass this along to anyone!!  Thanks

Whew...where has the summer gone!  I can't believe it is already starting the 2nd week of August.  It has been a HOT one here is St. Charles!!  I have been keep fairly busy though. The symposium in June was really great, as I stated in earlier posts. I had family in and more is coming. My sister Phyllis is coming in Sept. and bringing my mom.  She is dropping her off and then I will have her for 2 weeks.

Emily & Kyle are running a 1/2 marathon in 2 weeks and I will be going up to WI to root them on.  But that is not all they are doing. With the help of my nephew Scott they are doing something quite AMAZING.  They are participating in a run called the Ragnar Run.  It is 205 miles that goes across the STATE of Florida, from Clearwater to Daytona!!  They are doing this in Memory/Honor of Craig. To symoblize the pain, stuggle and yes triumphs he indured during his battled with mesothelioma.  It get even better.

The team is made up of 12 runners...my family!  From all over the country are coming in to run and be support van drivers.  It brings tears to my eyes still.  I have amazing family and friends.  The team will be running for approx. 33 straight hours!! 

The runners are not going to be able to fundraise for this event but I am hoping I will be able to help get sponsors as they are running and training every chance they get. 

Also a QUARTERMANIA...yes you heard me QUARTERMANIA is in the works for February, March or April.  Still looking for a hall that will hold 300-350 people.  Do you know of any....especially one that would be donated??  I have one but it is $600.

FUNDRAISING.....why??  You may be asking yourself why am I still fundraising.  Well, I would like to tell you.  Firstly, I promised Craig I would keep fighting to help find a cure and at this point I can still do fundraising.  At some point I may just write checks (which I do), but for now I can do SO much more and I also think by fundraising it spreads awareness.  Plus, it is a great way to see all of you and I think you seem to have fun!!

Secondly, I have so many people I love that are still battling this horrific disease.  I hope that I (we) can fund research that may help find a cure or medication to extend their lives.

That leads me to my prayer request. Robbie Cagel's disease is active and he calls Craig his hero.  I am devasted. Please keep him and his wife Jill and his family in your prayers.

BELIEVING....Shelly

p.s.  One more Prayer request.  Another dear friend just found out she has breast cancer yesterday...her name is Kathy.  Thank!

Hi!  Been a long time since I was on here and a lot has happened since.  I am so glad you keep so busy Shelly and are living life!  You have made it through the storm and it has made you stronger.  I sure miss seeing you.

I wanted to attach some photos for all who are missing them

Owen is now 4 and getting ready for school in the Fall.  He will be a young 5, but that kid is so smart and socially ready they are putting him in kindergarten this year.  Here is is latest photo.




Everett is 2 and full of energy.  He looks a lot like his mother.  This doesn't show it, but his eyes are blue as the sky!



Here is the family - Frank - Mandy - Owen and Everett.  Doesn't this photo just make you smile???



Devon is 2.5 now and loads of fun.  Here he is swimming with Daddy.




Vanessa is 1.5 yrs and  just a doll.  Here she is with Devon (couldn't get her swimming photo) They are just too sweet for words.




That's about it - just was thinking of you all and wanted to share.

Love,
Phyllis

It was so nice to see a blog entry!!

I know exactly how you feel about "things" that  were Craig's.  But I know he would INSIST that they be thrown away.  His motto was "If you haven't used it in a year, pitch it."  Some things were only 6 months!!  Needless to say my house was not and still is not very cluttered.  

I can't begin to tell you how much I value my continued relationship with Craig's work friends.  They continue to include me  in dinner invitations and check in on me and offer to help me, which I think is incredible.  I have some "friends" that live less than a mile away that I have lost contact with....breaks my heart.  You find out  who your true friends are, that is for sure.  The ones you least expect step up are the ones that do.

BIG NEWS!!!!

After years of going to Washington DC and talking and talking we finally had a breakthrough!!  Last week we got enough Congressmen signatures (50 one from each state) to sign the HR 771 Resolution making September 26 (i think) NATIONAL MESOTHELIOMA AWARENESS DAY!!!! 

So you may be thinking to yoursel  "What is the big deal about having a National Meso Day?"  Well, it means that each one of us has sat down with our Congressman and explained what Mesothelioma is and told them our personal story and the dangers of asbestos and they LISTENED!!  I personally have been to Todd Akins office and for years and this is the 1st thing he has done for me.  It is a baby step, but it is a step in the right direction.  This also means, that on that day we can and will be able to approach news stations, papers, etc with our stories and push for more awareness because now it is a Nationally recognized day.  I am REALLY excited, this has been a lot of hard work by so many people and I am proud of everyone involved for not giving up.  Our fight has just begun!!! On to the BAN of asbestos coming across our borders.  (don't even get me started....)

About Deb R.  Deb held the trivia night for Craig and has always supported us.  I know if he were here he would have the right word to help her.  I have tried to reach out to her, however she is a very private person.  So please keep her and her family in your prayers.  She is, as you can imagine, very frighten and needs support.  I think of her often and wish I could do more.

I am going to Ohio to Mary Jane and Loring, Robbie and Jill, and all of the European cruise friends in Ohio.  I am really looking forward to seeing them, it will be a great time.  Patti is also riding with me.  MJ has a house on a lake and so do the rest of people (friends) we went on the cruise with, so  it is a cruise union. 

I guess that is it for now.  Don't be afraid to blog back.

BELIEVING......  Shelly

p.s.  hi Karen Jacobs....We did it!! Tell your mom about HR 771 maybe that will help brighten her day!

Hello to anyone still getting the blogs. 

I MISS CRAIG!  Okay that is truth!  There are so many things that my mind wonders to "if Craig was here he would ____."  His business balance was respected by both salaried and hourly.  One guy told me that if he ranted and raved Craig would come up after the meeting and sit down with him and talk it through - allowing the guy to keep his opinion and yet stating the "sane" things! 

I had a dream a few weeks ago and Craig "walked through" the dream - I knew I was dreaming because I thought "this isn't true Craig is not here anymore."

I also decided to clean up my "Craig" email folder.  It had almost 3,000 emails.  I started the folder when Craig had to stay in the NYC hospital for 6 months - can't remember if it was 2006 or 2007.  So, I clicked into the folder and selected all and then stopped and thought "do I really delete these."  I decided yes and with one click they were gone.  I wasn't getting rid of "him," but I knew if he could talk to me he would tell me to get rid of that.  He didn't like clutter, and (I remember he cleaned out a kitchen drawer for Shelly and threw all her current coupons out LOL

Deb R one of Craig's closest work friends is battling lung cancer - she was diagnosed the Tuesday after Craig's celebration of life.  She has been valiantly fighting.  Last two scans the cancer is growing, her chemo has been switched twice in two months.  As she goes through this I think, if Craig was here he would be a HUGE help to her, he would advise her and help her face the news of growth and then encourage her to keep trying and to not give up.  So please pray for healing for our friend.

Shelly came to the plant and took me to lunch the end of March, she drove Craig's sports car, had cute jeans on, her hair pulled back, and sunglasses on - - - the security guard wanted to know if she was "MY DAUGHTER."  What a great laugh and compliment to her - she is lookin good

Emily & Kyle, so glad to hear updates on you from your Mom.  I'm praying for the condo to sell - wish I could buy it

Still praying and believing!
Carol<><

I just wanted to let everyone know it was a wonderful 4th of July here.  I hope everyone had a great weekend as well.  I had great family time, complete with a water balloon fight!!  The weather could not have been more perfect upper 80's and no humidity.  We played tennis,barbecued, shopped and basically packed about as much as we could into a couple of days as we could have.

Emily & Kyle went to Chicago for the weekend and had a great time as well.  Hazel does not like fireworks...   I wish their condo would sell so they could get into their new home and settle in and Hazel would have a yard too.  The apartment life does not sound like much fun for them.

Well that is it.

Believing.... Shelly

I am excited because I am having company in for the 4th of July.  My sister Linda, brother in law Mike, niece in law Holly and 4 great nephews, Michael, Nick, River and Grey!

YEAH!!  It has been along time since I have had a family party.  I have been shopping and cooking and planning.  They will only be here about 2 1/2 days but I think I bought enough food for 12 days!  If anyone wants to stop by on Saturday afternoon, please do.

Believing,

Shelly

p.s.  I hope everyone read blog entry "Still Here"  not just "Forgot Something" so you are caught up.. 

Craig's Grant is still moving forward!!!!  I talked to Dr. Ho and he is going to email with the progress.  But it is still promising.  I can not tell you how exciting this is.  This has been being studied now for about 2 years and is still moving forward. 

Can you imagine if this grant, "The Craig Kozicki Grant", had an impact on slowing this disease down or possibly curing it!  Just what that have learned about the disease from THIS grant is amazing and if were not for ALL you that helped me to get it done, this grant would never have happened.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only from me, but I can tell you from each and every person I met that has been touched by this horrific disease.

This blog is WAY overdue.  I have had several people ask me if I had quit blogging....the answer is no!  I really do have quite a bit to catch you up on so sit back and enjoy one my usual blogs.

Let see...Emily is officially moved to WI and is "settled" in to her "cozy" one bedroom apartment until her condo sells.  So if anyone knows of anyone interested in a cute condo near Forest Part in St. Louis, we happen to have one that is just right for you!!!  She seems to like her new job, but misses Kiyle and Hazel terribly.  Kyle will be done with school at the end of this week and will finally be able to pack up some of his things and move up there too.  His class won't start until late August or Sept. so he will be working part time.  They are both training for a half marathon.  Life is good for them

This is my first father's day without my dad.  I have to say it was a bit strange.  I missed calling him.  The day just doesn't have the same meaning when you don't have a father...I know this day is just another day for Emily and I.  We did go and spend the day with Jan and Mike Steele, so she spent it with her father-in-law whom she loves, and I do to, so that was nice. 

A bit of some more sad news.  Craig's dad went into Intensive Care today as well.  He fell late last week and was getting weaker and weaker.  After speaking to Ted, (Craig's brother who takes care of his dad) he told me he was having some blood in his urine, so I thought it was a good idea for him to take him to the hospital asap...this was on Sat.  Turns out he has a collapsed lung!  But I am still not sure if this is were the blood is coming from, I am just glad he is in the hospital.  More news to follow....

The Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation Symposium was held in Washington DC again this year.  It was there 10th anniversary.  It was filled with big news.  The foundation is moving to DC so it can be more visible and have a bigger voice on the hill.  It also has a new Executive Director.  Her name is Kathy and she is replacing Chris Hahn after his ten year tenor.  I think this will be a good thing for the foundation.  The move be a huge benefit and the new director has worked for nonprofits in the past and seems to be endorsed by the all Board of Directors and Staff I was able to talk to.

I personally made my FIRST baby step forward in Congress.  We as the Foundation are trying to get a National Mesothelioma Awareness Day on the calender.  It may not seem like much, but to have a day recognized each year allows so much more visibility and awareness.  So when I went and spoke to Todd Akins second in command for the 3rd year, I told her that I would like to have him co-sponsor this bill.  I also said that I would really appreciate it if she would share Craig's story and I had some facts for her to share about asbestos and expose that she was unaware, she agreed to share these with the Govenor as well .  I then asked if she could please have him get back to me in the next day or two.  WELL GUESS WHAT....HE DID!!!   And he sponsored the bill...YEAH!!!!!  My first visible success in Washington DC.  (we did other things too )

I was and still am very happy about that and hope to see that bill in front of Obama soon to be signed. 

As usual the symposium itself was very emotional.  Tribute day was especially tough.  I will never get use to just bringing Craig's picture instead of Craig there.  His name on the Tribute Wall still brings me to tears every time my eyes catch his name.  He is still spoke of as such an inspiration and those who weren't fortunate enough to have met him in person, tell me stories that other people have told them that give them the hope and fight to battle on. 

My book is going very slow....but is still being written.

I hope everyone has a wonderful, safe and blessed summer.  I will try to write more ofter.  You can post too!

BELIEVING....

Shelly

P.S.  For the 10th anniversary I am still $12,000 short for Craig's second grant.  If you would like to help me finish this grant, please visit www.curemeso.org.  You can then go to the Fundraising prompt on the lower right, click it.  Then you will see a list, my name is on it Shelly K,  Any amount will help.  I hope to do a fundraiser of some kind next year.  Thank you in advance for helping me keep my promise to Craig in helping spread awareness and find a cure.  Love, Shelly

Well...I am just checking in.  I am missing my dad today.  I have been working outside during the week and remember how much my dad liked planting flowers and working in the yard.  Craig always hated yard work...he did it, but would much rather be playing golf or just playing!!

I went to a fundraiser this weekend and bid on an Olympic Hockey Stick that is signed by all of the 2010 Silver Medalist American Team.  I WON!! (I out bid)  There are only 7 in the world so I think it is really cool that I have one.  All proceeds went to a "No Kill" animal shelter.  So my bid went to a good cause...right??

I sent my registration in for the Meso Symposium in Washington DC again this year.  I will be in charge of a breakout session again, I just am not sure which one yet...time is a tickin'....  The symposium is June 9-12 and I hope I have time to prepare for whatever it is that they would like me to do.

Emily got a really good job offer!!  She is very excited.  Now she and Kyle just have to sell their condo and all the pressure of moving is off.  Except for the actual move.  She seems to love the area and is excited about the new adventure.  I am going over to their home for a Mother's Day brunch---prepared loving by them...YUM!!  Nothing could be better than that. 

My book is going sooo slow.  It is hard for me to get motivated.  I working on it, but it is two steps forward, one step back.  I decided I am not going to rush myself.  I will get it done when I get it done. 

My fistulas keep coming and going.  I went to the doctor yesterday and he said I could have surgery now or wait and see....I choose to wait.  This has been going on since December so I figure, what's the rush.  My Chrohn's has been okay, but not great.

I started yoga, playing a bit of tennis and started to swing a golf club on occasion.  So I am trying to do some things for me now.  I guess that is about it.  Just giving you an update. 

I hope you are all doing well and having a great spring...... 


Believing

Shelly

Unknown Author:

I wish heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again...I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.  I thought of you yesterday, a day before that too.  I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.  All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.  Your memories a keepsake, from which I will never part.  God has you in his arms...I have you in my heart!

I will love him always.

Okay...I am going to start off venting and then I will be done I promise. 

Firstly, I lost my soul mate, then my crohn's disease becomes active again (which I am still battling), Emily and Kyle are moving and last week my dad passes away!!!  I GIVE!!!!  I know none of this is news to anyone of you who have been following the blog, but I have to just get it out there.....I am as mad (sad) as hell.  There I said it!

I know I can't do anything to change what has happened or what is going to happen, but I just needed to get it out there to my blog family.  I really am doing fine, I go back to the doctor in a couple of weeks and I should know more then.  It was nice to see my family even though the circumstances were not the best.  My mom seems so fragile.  My parent were married 65 years.  I hope she finds the will to overcome her loneliness, nobody but she can make that happen and at 83 I know that will be hard for her to do.  I do worry about her.


I am happy for Emily and Kyle, just sad for myself.....selfishly.  I know for them this will be such I wonderful time in their lives.  I hope they sell their condo soon and that she finds a good job.

I am planning on going back to Washington DC to the Mesothelioma Symposium in June again this year.   Once again this will be an event that is filled with mixed emotions for me.  I always leave there so frustrated.  I feel like I (we) keep delivering the same message to "stop importing asbestos" and to "please help fund research" but nothing changes year after year.  I hope in my lifetime I see change......

Well I guess I will get off of my pity party band wagon and go to bed     Thanks for reading.

believing

Shelly

I missed blogging for the anniversary because my home internet was cut by a backhoe and I didn't get it back for 7 days.  And, the server at work wll not allow the blog to be accessed.  The 1st was very strange for me - because at work I still find Craig's name on things - I went to the mail room and there was his name on a mailbox.  MThe most honest response I can give is I just miss my friend! 

Shelly, LInda, Phyllis, and family my prayers are with you.  I remember Pip dancing and having a great time when Shelly and Craig renewed their vows - he had such a great time that evening. 

God Bless,
Carol<><

  

To all our dear friends, I wanted to let you all know Shelly just called and her Dad has passed away. I do not know any details yet other than the services will be in Michigan. 

Shelly was able to get home, to Michigan. on an emergency flight and spend time with her Dad before he passed away. 

As soon as I know any details I will pass along. 

Please keep Shelly and all her family in your prayers.    

Phyllis and Linda, I am sending all my love and prayers to you all.  He was a special man. Take care of Yvonne. I told Shelly let me know if there is anything I can do. 

Love You all
Pam  

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SISSIE!!!!  Hope you have a wonderful day.  I will be thinking about you. 

Love you,

Phyl

Firstly, I would like to thank EVERYONE who called, emailed, blogged, sent a card or just remembered Craig yesterday.  Emily, Kyle and I were amazed at the number of people who remember us.

We went to pay for our lunch at Magpie's and Rhonda bought it for us.  We went to get massages and Jan called ahead and paid for those.  It was just one act of kindness after another...thank you.

Emily took the day off of work and we really had a nice day together.  We played tennis, which was so much fun, that we would like to try to do it more often.  Then like I said, we had lunch, got a massage, played with Hazel and then met Mike and Jan at one of Craig's favorite restaurants for an Italian dinner.  We reminisced throughout the day and laughed most of the time.

I think Emily and I both agree that one year is really no different than any other day.  It is just a day on the calendar.  Songs are still hard to hear.  Memories are still fresh in our minds and endeared in our hearts.  We will always love and miss him.  Holidays and things that he did will always be missed.  We will always feel sad that he will not be able to share in certain joys and milestones in our lives...Emily and Kyle's move, grandchildren, etc.

I know time does move forward.  Life does go on...........with a huge void in my heart.

Shelly

I still want to pick up the phone and take turns jabbing each other about vacation time, leaving early on Friday, the mistakes we made at work, or who was better at whatever. Well, I can't do that, but I know he's listening anyway. One day I hope I'll be up there with him drinking a beer - or a Grand Marnier, but for now I'll just have to drink his share myself.

Here's to you, Craig! Save us a seat.

Shelly - you could not have said it better.  I, too,  have been reflecting on Craig for the past few weeks.  It seems he is always on my mind.  It is so hard to believe a year has passed and still harder to accept he is no longer part of our (living) lives, but he will always be in our hearts and minds!  I miss him terribly.  He was a great Brother-in-law, Uncle and friend.  I will never find my way around St. Charles without his excellent directions!  He was so much fun.  I was just mentioning to Frank and Mandy on Sunday, how we would race to be the first one to make coffee in the morning, because he made TERRIBLE coffee and would just chuckle when I got there after him. I am thankful I had one last pot of his lousy coffee the last time I was with him.  We had lots of laughs over that.  He was so much fun to be around and what a big TEASER! I know I am not alone in my thoughts this week.  He is greatly missed.  My love to you and Em and Kyle.

I love you,

Phyllis

As I sit and think about this past year, it is hard for me not to think about the agony that Craig was in at this point.  It is hard to believe that you can love someone enough that you pray for them to go.  But I can remember it was about this time I was praying for Craig to stop fighting.  His courageous battle was over. 

His life inspired so many people then and still does today.  He was truly one of a kind.  He will always be my hero and a blessing in my life.  It saddens me when I think of his final days, but I am happy when I think of the time we did get to spend together.  He was such a wonderful, loving and tender husband.  He was the best father a child could ever want or need.  I am glad we traveled, entertained and made many friends on our journey as husband and wife.  I've been reading some books lately and some say that you tend to put your loved one on a "pedestal" and forget their bad habits and the things that annoyed you.  But I have to say except for Craig's figiting (tapping, channel changing, etc) he really was a great human being without many faults, whom I miss terribly.

He was the smartest man I ever knew.  The calm in a storm.  My rock.  My tender arms to run to when I was afraid.  My shoulder to cry on when I was scared.  Always made me laugh. He was a loving father. He was silly.  He was gentle.  He was kind.  He was fun.  He was spontaneous.  He was strong.  He was compassionate.  He was a hard worker.  He was dependable.  He was a high achiever.  He was respected.  He was loved.  He was liked.  He was a good friend.  He was a fair boss.  He was forgiving.  He was a fighter.  He was brave.  He was never selfish.  He was giving.  He was a good son.  He was a good brother.  He was good son in law.  He was the BEST husband.  HE WAS...............

He IS missed..............

Shelly

Tomorrow Craig would have turned 54.  It is still hard to believe that in a few short weeks a year will have past since his death.  Emily, Kyle and I have weather all of the "firsts" together, some have been easier then others.  Each of us hold different memories of the past in our hearts and remember different things that Craig did to make that holiday or "your day" special.  He did so many things that made just ordinary days special to me....  Craig will always be my soul mate and someone I was so blessed to have been married too.

Today has been an emotional day for me.  I have gone through boxes of pictures trying to find just the right one of Craig and Emily to put in a frame that says "Dad & Me" on it.  It is a beautiful frame and I wanted to do something for her to somehow remember this first.  I finally found one that I have always loved.  I took it to Target, enlarged it, cropped it and then made two copies, so I now have one framed for myself.  I also made "Cherry Wink" cookies.  These cookies have such a fun memories of Craig and Emily.  Each year at Christmas I make these cookies.  Craig and Emily would count, hide and tease each other about who ate more of these each and every year.  I hope she likes this little surprise.  I know while I was making them I reminisced about the Christmas cookie wars.  I know this was something we missed this year.  It is the little things that "get you" sometime.  Loss is funny that way.

Kyle and Emily are coming over late tonight and then they are going to sleep here.  We are then planning on going out to breakfast (unless I cook!)....probably going out!  Then we may go see the new Johnny Depp movie "Alice in Wonderland".  So tomorrow should be a nice day. 

Kyle and Emily are leaving to look for a new home in about 2 weeks.  It is official they will be moving to Madison, WI this summer.  I am so happy for them and glad they are following their dreams....but I will miss them beyond words.

Thank you to everyone who sent an email remembering Craig's birthday.  It meant a lot.  I have amazing friends and family.  It so nice to be loved and supported as much as I am.  I am blessed.

Believing....Shelly

It was 30 years ago today that Craig asked me to marry him.  It is hard to believe that it has been 30 years!!  I have had mixed feelings today, some happy some sad.  I am so happy that Craig asked me to marry him and that I had over 28 years of a wonderful, truly loving marriage.  I am sad when I think about the fact that Craig's life was cut so short and that we should have been happily married for many more years.  I am also sad when I think about the fact that Emily's children will never know what a wonderful "grandpa" Craig would have been.  He loved being a father so much and being a grandfather would have been such a joy to him as well.

Emily and Kyle are going to leave in mid March to start looking for a home in Madison WI.  They are very excited about this new phase in their lives.  I am so proud and happy for them as well.  I will miss them terribly, but I am well aware of how important this step is for their future.

My book is already being revised.  I guess it is not unusual for a book to be written and rewritten.  So I am working with the editor and revising already...... I have a feeling this is going to be a L O N G process to get this book to print.  I have spoke to Chris at the MESO foundation and I am planning to attend the symposium again in June in Washington DC.  I may speak again and I may do a break out session to help people go home with the information and more importantly the determanation to do fundraising to find a cure for mesothelioma.

My fistula is mending....slowly.  I have not been feeling great.  The medication I have been on has been difficult for me to adjust to.  I have been very tired and just not feeling "right".  I hope that my body will adjust and I will be back to "normal" soon.

I have joined a neighborhood Bunco group, so I have met some of my neighbors finally.  I am bowling better and I am going to go to the state tournament with my friends in April.  I haven't been able to do that for the last couple of years, so I am looking forward to going to that again.  I guess that is about it for now.

I hope you are all doing well.  Keep in touch! 

BELIEVING
Shelly

Karen Jacobs....are you okay?

Well it is about 11 o'clock on Thursday night and I thought I should do a quick blog since it has been way too long since the last one!

I hosted the "Solutia" party a couple of weekends ago and it was a great success. I hope to do it every couple of months.  Everyone was so glad to see each other and I was thrilled to finally see everyone together as well.  For those of you who do not know, some of the people have left Solutia, so it was like a little union.  We ate and drank and then played games until well past midnight and I think I went to bed about 1:00.

This weekend Mary Jane and Loring, from Ohio, are coming in.  I am planning on having about 10 people over.  Mary Jane and Julie Gundlach are both meso patients and we have all stayed close for many years (with their families too).  Also Lisa Blanzy and Patti are coming to look at the pictures from our trip to Europe we went on with Loring and Mary Jane.

My brother in law Lee has been sick with kidney stones for over 6 weeks.  He is going in for a second attempt to have them removed on the 17th if this month.  He has had them blasted once and is due to have them blasted again on the 10th....poor guy!  He has been in so much pain.  My mom is having cataract surgery the end of the month as well.

I also wanted to let you know that my fistula has returned   I am just being put on antibiotics and another medication for 2 weeks and then I have to go back to see the surgeon.  yuk!  But, I am hopeful that I will not have to have surgery....my concern is that my Crohn's is not going into remission with medication.  I will be talking to Dr. Cort again soon.

I am half way through chapter 5.  I am really struggling with this chapter.  I am having a hard time making the transition from Emily's elementary school years to her middle school years and all that went on during those years and the bonding we had with our friends, etc.  It is so hard to jam so much into one chapter and then try to end that chapter with the beginning of Craig's illness.  I think I have rewritten this chapter 4-5 times.


I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day!!

BELIEVING....
Shelly

Happy New Year everyone.  I know this year HAS to be better than the last..  I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. 

Our family managed to get through Christmas quite well actually.  I was surprised.  I think we knew it was going to be very different and Emily and Kyle helped to make it special and filled with fun.  They spent the night and bought Rock Band with the Beatles addition too.  So after we had our traditional opening of the gifts and breakfast, we rocked out to the Beatles.  I have to say it was fun and I was worried how we would spend the rest of Christmas day.  I did not want it to be a sad day, as Christmas was such an important holiday for Craig.  He didn't get the nick name Clark Griswold by being a scrooge.  He had to have the biggest tree, the house decorated to the hilt and surprise gifts for all of us.

After playing Rock Band.  We had a very untraditional meal.  Emily and I made stuffed cabbage.  I tried to pass down a tradition and she was very quick as learning how to make cabbage rolls.  (one of Craig's favorite meals)  We had dinner and reminisced all through the day.  It was a wonderful holiday, considering.  Emily and Kyle helped to make sure of that.

New Years I went to a party at the Eakers.  It was great to see old friends that I hadn't seen in a very long time.

I canceled my trip to Aruba in March as I didn't have anyone to go with.  I certainly did not want to go by myself.  So now I have 3 trips I have to use by 2012!!  Any takers   I also just finished chapter 4 of my book.  So I am on track, however I think the book will be longer than 20 chapters, therefore it may take more time to finish.

I am hosting my first "party" at my house on the 23 of January for some people that Craig use to work with.  It will be nice to see them again.  I still keep in contact with them by phone or email, but I have not seen them in a long time, so I am looking forward to seeing them and having my house filled with happiness again.  I love to entertain and have not done so in so long I am really can't wait to have people over.

Well, I guess that is it for now.  Keep warm.

BELIEVING,
Shelly

Well it is Christmas Eve-Eve.  Time keeps marching on.  My tree is up, the decoration are hung and the cookies are baked. (No cards this year)  I am more in the Christmas spirit as it gets closer, but tears come to my eyes as well.  Finding Craig's stocking was tough, hanging our "First Year Together 1980" on the tree was tougher.  Certain songs are hard to listen too, but it is all part of healing and I know that.  Tears are not always sad, tears are happy too, remembering the good times, happy times.  I still miss sooo much.  Oops here come those tears!!

Emily's birthday was on December 4 and I know that what a tough day for her.  Another first.  Each first that we share is like opening a wound and waiting for it to heal again.  She and Kyle then had their first anniversary on the 13th.  Christmas is in 2 days and then HAPPY NEW YEAR!!  I just have to BELIEVE that 2010 has got to be a whole lot better that 2009. 

I did have surgery and I am still recovering.  I go back on the 31st ( New Year's Eve) to have the final drain removed and then go to Dr. Cort to figure out what kind of treatment is best for me to be on for Crohn's.  I have to say I am very upset that after 15 years of keeping my Crohn's under control it is now flaring up.  I hope I do not end up having to have more surgery or worst yet another bowel resection.

I am hoping to get together with some of Craig's work friends after the first of the year.  That would be so nice.  I miss see them.  They were such a big part of our lives and were and still are so good to me.

I have been keeping busy writing my book.  I just wrote half of chapter 4 today.  It is a long process but I hope when it comes out it is a great success and inspires many and helps fund meso research.  I am also going to be more involved with the Simmons Firm as they are going to start a Meso Foundation as well.  I hope to have an intricate role in that. 

I am also planning on going to Aruba in March.  Craig and I have a timeshare down there.  It will be my first time down there without him.  My sister Phyllis and her husband Lee may be going with me....otherwise I will be looking for someone to go with me....I don't want to go alone!!

I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy Healthy New Year.

BELIEVING

Shelly

p.s.  Jim Klopstien passed away last week.  Deb is still doing well...YEAH!  

Good News - Shelly has completed Chapter 3.  Way to go Shelly, I cannot wait to read this book.  We should start a reservation list for books fresh off the press.  (Maya if you are reading this – could you do that?)

NASTY "F" WORD - Shelly had emergency surgery Tuesday evening at Missouri Baptist Hospital.  She has a fistula and an abscess.  She doesn't know exactly what Dr. Cort did in surgery, but she has drains hanging out of her body draining bad stuff out of her.  She is on pain meds and antibiotics.  She is waiting for Dr. Cort's office to call her back with details.

When I found this out I went to my prayer closet and cried out "why Lord" I don't understand, this woman has gone through enough - please make it stop - so please join me in praying for Shelly 's quick recovery and for her to get on with living.  We all know Craig's heart on his beloved wife - he wanted her to be happy and enjoy her life after he was gone.  Did either of them want how ended up, with them be apart NO, but Craig was adamant about what Shelly was to do with her life.

She is home alone, all of us are working - I'm sick and cannot go near her - if any of you can, please call her and spend some moments with her - she was the ultimate caregiver and now needs care. 

Still believing and praying!
Carol<><

Well, the holidays are bearing down on us and I am leaving for Michigan in about 10 minutes.  I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.  This will be the beginning of our first holiday season without Craig.  Oops my ride is here....gotta go.

Write more. later,

Love to all.  Shelly

Days and months have come and gone, and I'm missing you! 

Missing my friend, co-worker, and the person that God used to show me men were okay, and they could be wonderful husbands and fathers.  

At times I can hear his voice approaching my door and I ready myself to "banter" with him (which was our norm).  I miss the "wave" - it wasn't a parade float wave - or a beauty queen wave  - he didn't move his fingers up and down.  His hand was angled sideways and it just went down with a quick whip.   

I miss his even-headediness - he was practical and straight-forward - he didn't mince words but he choose them carefully.  

I have seen him in the car next to me in my commute into work.  I had a dream that was so real, he was coming back to work after being gone for a while from being sick (like he had done in the past) but when I woke I knew my friend was not coming back.

Until the Friday just before Shelly returned from her trip I had not mourned Craig.  I had called the house before and got the answering machine with his voice...but it was that night that my heart understood my friend was gone.  The tears flowed and they have been flowing since, and that is okay because it brings healing.   

We all go through the grieving process differently, and mine was just delayed, and maybe you are or haven't grieved him; maybe by me writing this it will help you start your process or help you know it is okay to move forward.   

I'm still praying and believing,  Love you Shelly, Emily & Kyle! 

Carol<><

Well, chapter 1 is finished!  It has been edited and reworked and is now in for the final editor's ok.  However, I am sure he is going to approve since we went over the needed changes last week.  One chapter down 17 to go.  Actually I have already written chapter 2's rough draft.  I am on a 3 week cycle.  I will need to write and edit one chapter every 3 weeks to meet my deadline of Oct. 1 of next year.  That is when we would like to send my manuscript out to publishers.  If anyone has an in with a publishing company let me know.

My dad is going to be moved into the Alzheimer's unit tomorrow.  I guess he is failing quickly now.  He does not communicate too much anymore and rarely leaves his room.  I am looking forward to seeing him when I go up for Thanksgiving, yet I know it will break my heart to see him like that and worse yet, I don't think he is going to know me.  I know this will be painful for me because he has always recognized me before.  I am going to fly in and my nephew Don and his 2 little ones are going to pick me up and we are going to go have lunch and then he is taking me over to see my mom and dad.  I look forward to seeing Don and Devon and Vanessa since I have not seen them in months and they change so quickly.  I am also looking forward to spending some one on one time with my mom, she is very anxious for me to come and see her too.

I went shopping with Emily and we managed to get some of her Christmas and birthday gifts bought.  We had a really nice day.  We spent the whole day together.  We haven't done that in quite a while.

  I am not looking forward to Christmas.  I know this holiday will be hard for Emily and Kyle as well.  Craig was like a kid during Christmas.  He had to have the biggest tree, the outside lights had to be perfect, he had to shop on Christmas Eve, he just loved the holiday.  It is going to be rough to start traditions without him.  I dread finding our First Christmas Together ornament, his stocking, decorating, sending cards with just my name on it.  It is just going to be a difficult time.  Emily and Kyle are going to help me put up the tree this year so that will be a huge help.  They also promised to help me take it down....even a bigger help!  I would like to take it down on Dec. 26 like Craig and I always did, but Emily said she is just promising before she has to go back to work.

BELIEVING....Shelly

Greg:  Thanks for the note.  The weather here has been great the last 2 weeks.  I hope for a little snow while I am there.  Say hello to Mel.  Love, Shell

To the Shanty Gang:  Thanks for writing me about your night out.  I know Craig was with you in spirit.  He told me MANY stories about the Shanty and I also had the privilege of visiting that fine establishment myself.  I hope you sang "Moon River" loud and clear as I know Craig said that was a Shanty must.

Shelly,

Sounds like Europe was great. I know you'll be seeing family and friends over Thanksgiving, but based on current weather I suggest a return to Italy! We haven't seen the sun for it seems like 6 weeks.

Greg

I'm back!!  Wow, what a life experience.  I wish everyone had the chance to see Europe.  I LOVED Italy.  I want to go back someday, hopefully sooner than later and spend more time in Rome, Venice and Naples.  Although all of the ports of call were beautiful, I would have to say, Italy's were my favorite.  The one that surprised me the most was Croatia.  It was pretty amazing as well.  I could go on and on about each of them, but I would never do them justice.  I just walked around in pure awe at each countries architecture history and splendor.  It was absolutely breath taking at times.

Now that I am back, I will try to get someone to post some of my favorite pictures.  I will be going back to Michigan for Thanksgiving with Emily and Kyle (Hazel too) to see my family.  Hopefully by then I will have some pictures to post and they can help me.  I am also trying to dig through PILES of mail, emails, bills, etc., since I have gotten home.  Craig use to handle all of this stuff.  I use to just unpack and do the laundry   and I thought I had the hard job.  YIKES!

My editor read chapter one of my book and he loved it!!  I am sooo excited.  He said it needed very few changes.  He said I was a "natural writer". He obviously has never read this blog!!   The pressure is on.  He liked my detail and emotion and told me I had to keep it up through the entire book.  I just needed to rework my opening paragraph and that he would help me.  So on to chapter 2, meeting the families and getting married.

I will write more soon.

BELIEVING....Shelly

p.s. Martha's father passed away.  Jim K. is still in hospice.  And Deb R. is still fighting hard.  Thanks for your prayers!!

Shelly, Hope you are having a great time? Did Patty and Lisa corrupt you, ha ha. I hope you all had a great time. 

Wow Kyle sounds like you and Brent did well. I have trouble just walking our dog. I guess the years don't help. 

Well Shelly can't wait for you to get home I have alot to tell you. 

Phyllis and Linda - How are you guys doing? I miss everyone but Shelly keeps me in synch with everyone. 

I missed the run over in Illinois as my niece and her family was home from Alaska. They are now being stationed in CA so getting a little closer to home. 

Talk to everyone soon take care

Pam  

I am getting ready to leave for the Mediterranean.  I am all packed up (I hope) I will be leaving for 2 weeks!!   I will take lots of pictures and if someone will post them when I get back I will share a couple of my favorites.

Kyle ran the Chicago Marathon today!!  Both he and his brother Brent finished.....poor Brent injured his knee, but finished....UGH!!  I don't think I could bike 26 miles.  So I am very proud of him (both of them).  He has put in LOTS of time training for this and finished in about 3 hours 45 minutes.   Congrats Kyle and Brent.  Brent also passed the Barr exam on his first try...his is so bright.  He has a job in Chicago and will do very well for himself after working so hard at the University of Michigan to get his law degree.

I will start chapter 2 of my book when I return from my trip.  I hope it is as easy to write as chapter 1.  Well off to bed for some shut eye before the big trip. YIPPEE!!

BELIEVING....Shelly

p.s.  Martha's dad passed away yesterday.  Jim K.  has been placed in hospice care.  Please keep them and their families in your prayers.  Thanks.

p.s.s.  GO WINGS....back on track

The Meso Walk was GREAT!!  This walk was pulled together in 8 weeks.  The organizers were hoping for 200 people---we had over 500 runners and walkers!!  The weather could not have been better, cool and sunny.  Many of Emily and my friends showed up in support, thank you.  You continue to amaze me with your continued support.  Together we will find a cure!!  I am sure Craig was smiling down on us.

I finished chapter one of my book.  I hope the other chapters are as easy to recall as chapter one.  However, I was writing about happy times and crying, I can't imagine what it will be like reliving the illness and then the loss all over again.  In a way I think this will be cathartic.  It will also be nice to have everything down for my family and grandchildren to read someday.  I meet this Thursday with the editor and we are going to go over the contract, etc.

Life!  I keep moving forward.  I am getting very excited about the cruise.  I leave in 12 days....but who's counting   I have shopped and shopped some more!  I think I have a new fall wardrobe for the trip.  Kyle has been busy getting ready to apply to colleges for his doctorate.  Emily has been busy helping him, working, and teaching Hazel some cool tricks.  She is also checking out everything about every school Kyle is applying.  Cost of living, schools, housing, etc.

I am bowling again, I think I am going to join a tennis club when I get back from the cruise.  Emily and I will take lessons together.  I am missing playing.  My days have been pretty full.  I miss my family.  I wish they lived closer.  It seems harder and harder to connect.  We try, but we play phone tag!!  I love you all very much. 

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s.  Please continue to pray for Jim Klopstein, Bill Hayden and Deb Rolerkite.  Thanks.

I have officially started writing my book!  I am about half way through chapter one.  It is more emotional than I thought it would be.  I am writing about how Craig and I met and just finished about our first date and kiss.  It made me cry.  I can only imagine how tough the chapters about his illness will be.  Wish me luck!!

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s.  DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE MESO WALK THIS SATURDAY IN ALTON!!  I HOPE TO SEE A LOT OF YOU THERE.

I have been getting ready for my trip to Europe.  I cannot wait to go!! I am going with several friends for 13 days   I think I will visit 5 countries...how exciting.  I will have two of my best friends in my room, Patti and Lisa.  So the sleeping quarters will be tight, but the outings will be a blast!!

I think we will have a good (maybe great) turnout for the Meso Walk next week.  If you haven't signed up, you still can, I would LOVE to see you there.  As always, I am still fighting to help find a cure!  Too many people I love are still battling for their lives.

 Robbie and Jill Cagel and Loring and Mary Jane are coming in this weekend!  They come in tonight and will be here through Saturday.  I am really looking forward to our "little reunion".  I am also having Lisa and her husband Paul and Patti (her husband is in Alaska) over on Saturday for a pre-cruise party get together.  This way they will all know each other before the trip.  Patti'scoming over early to help make her  famous homemade pizza, salad and cheesecake are on the menu...YUM!!

I meet next week with the editor that will help me with my book.  I am going to over the details of the contract and how we get it published, etc.  I want to make sure a minimum of 25% of each book goes to the Meso Foundation in Craig's name.  I guess it usually takes a year to write a book....yikes!  I hope I can do it.  This is really going to be an emotionally challenging assignment.  But I hope it will help and inspire people in their battle of meso.   I just never considered myself a very good writer as you can tell by my blogs   I just put my thoughts out there and my brain just dumps out through my finger tips.  I hope I can somehow put them into book form??

Well I guess that is were the BELIEVING will have to come in now right?

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s.  I have several VERY ill friends.  Please say special prayers for Jim Klopstien, Martha Klien's dad BILL & Deb Rolerkite. Thanks!

http://www.milesformesothelioma.org/

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Fund-raising continues after man's death

August 28, 2009 10:02 PM

By DAN BRANNAN

Shelly Kozicki never gives up in her push to raise funds for the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation.

Shelly and her husband, Craig, have raised more than $150,000 for mesothelioma research over the past decade.

On April 1, Shelly lost her husband after an 11-year struggle with mesothelioma. Today, she lives in St. Charles, Mo., without Craig, who she described as her "soul mate," but she is determined to raise funds to find a cure for mesothelioma.

She and Craig were married for 28 years, meeting when she was 18 and he was 24 at Monsanto in Trenton, Mich. Six weeks after they met, they were engaged.

I came in contact with the St. Charles woman through a series of articles we did about the Simmons law firm and its upcoming move to Alton. John Simmons, owner of the firm, and Mark Motley, a vice president of communications, told me about her brave and difficult struggle with her husband’s illness and how she has turned the tragedy into a triumph by raising funds for research into the terrible disease. Mesothelioma is a cancer of the lining of certain internal organs, primarily the lungs, caused by exposure to asbestos.

The Simmons firm represented Craig and Shelly in a lawsuit, and she said the firm now has become like family. Shelly said they always stay in touch with her and assist her with her mesothelioma fund-raising efforts.

"They care," Shelly said. "Jeff Cooper was assigned our case. They were compassionate and treated us with patience. I just didn’t feel they were lawyers."

Shelly’s other worthy cause is working to build awareness that the United States needs to mandate a total ban of asbestos.

Many other countries have halted asbestos from entering their borders, but the United States is lagging behind, and ultimately, it could cost Americans their lives.

Craig, 53, was a young man when he died with nothing but a bright future ahead. He was a chemical engineer at Solutia in East St. Louis. Shelly told me he always was the love of her life and that she misses him so greatly it sometimes is nearly impossible to continue on. But she does forge ahead each day, with his memory deep inside, hoping to help other families with the cancer.

It is believed that her husband, Craig, was exposed to asbestos when he was a child. Often, the latency period for the disease is 20 to 40 years. In regard to asbestos, Shelly said there is no safe level of exposure. Even a single fiber of asbestos can cause a person to develop this form of cancer.

Craig and Shelly have a daughter, Emily, and when she learned about her father’s illness at age 12, she worried whether her father would walk her down the aisle at her wedding. With the help of his wife, Craig survived long enough to walk her down the aisle to her husband, Kyle Steele.

"It was weird that one of her first questions that very first night he was diagnosed was about her father walking her down the aisle when she got married," Shelly said. "Craig pushed himself to stay alive, and after her wedding, he really made a downturn. Emily was definitely a daddy’s girl. She was the apple of his eye, and her dad was her hero."

Chris Hahn, the executive director for the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation, said Shelly and Craig Kozicki are special people.

"Craig was a symbol of hope that people can live with mesothelioma and that it is not a death sentence," he said. "He showed there are programs and treatment options with the disease. She is definitely an amazingly strong and dedicated person."

Shelly’s plan is to not stop the momentum she has started with raising funds for mesothelioma.

"I promised Craig that I would continue," she said. "I now receive phone calls from throughout the nation. I think our story gives hope to people who are dealing with this. People are often still told they have six months to get their affairs in order. There is hope, and there are doctors out there now that can help. This is something I will do until the day I die."

To learn more about Shelly’s fund-raising push, visit www.craigkozicki.com or contact her at (636) 284-9881.

Shelly,

Just wanted you to know that, in honor of Craig, the old Shanty Gang (or "Craig's Buddies" as Mr. K always called us) got together last night at "The Shantie" in Warren (the old "Shanty" in Hazel Park is no longer a bar).  Although Peat and Francis couldn't make it, Don, Doug, Billy, Nelson, Tim, Doug McKinney and I were there, having a few beers and Black Bun Specials, reminiscing about old times.  There were truly times when it felt like Craig was there as we reached back a few decades in time, laughing at the mostly inane things we did back in high school and college.

For what it is worth, we did talk about the fact that some of us are still checking the blog periodically to see how you, Emily and Kyle are doing and that you still post entries on occasion.  Our main interest is that you, Emily and Kyle are doing well, and it sounds like you are.  From our perspective, it's great that you continue to blog on occasion because it helps some of us stay connected, but you shouldn't feel obligated to continue.  We just want you to know that we all think of you and are here for support, even it is it only through our thoughts and prayers from many miles away.

Take care,
Tush

P.S. - Please pray for Tim Milligan's wife, Nancy, who is battling brain cancer.  While we have always been impressed with your strength as you and Craig went through his battle, none of us have had the experience to truly know what you have gone through.  Tim says he now has a greater appreciation for your role in the journey.

First of all, I didn't think people were reading anymore so I stopped blogging.  Come to find out, my blogs have been missed

So I will try to catch you up.... Craigbird is no longer coming.   The first night I cried and then I thought he realized that I didn't need to be watched so closely.  That I was doing ok on my own.  So now I look for him on occasion, but he has never returned.  But, I am doing better each and every day.  Feeling stronger, more independent and feeling like I am finding MY way in the world.  I know Craig would be proud of me!

Emily and Kyle are doing well too.  Kyle is applying to Grad Schools all over the country to become a Professor in History.  It is his dream and I hope that he gets accepted to the school of his choice. He is also training for the Chicago Marathon, which takes place in October.  He is a running maniac.   Hazel is getting bigger by the day and she loves her grammy   Emily is busy with work, enjoying the puppy and we have been trying to spend more time together, which has been very nice.  

The Simmons Firm is somehow involved with opening a Hospice Center in Illinois.  They called me and asked me if they could name a room, or suite or wing after Craig.  It would be" The Craig Kozicki -----"  Needless to say, after I choked back a few tears, I told them it would be an honor.  It will be dedicated in Feb. and I will go then to the dedication.  His name and his legacy continues to go on!!

I was just interviewed for a "Human Interest Story" that is going to run in "The Telegraph".  It is a paper out of Alton, IL.  If you would like to read it I know you can pull it up.  If I knew how I could set up a link??? Duh!

Now for the BIG news for me.  The Chief Editor of the paper has helped write and publish several books.  Well, he was fascinated by our family's story and would really like me to write a book.  I told him several people over the years have told Craig or I or both, that we should write a book.  So, I am going to read a couple of the books he has published.  If I like them, I think I will write our story as an inspirational book.  (First person)  I will then have some (not sure how this works) of the proceeds go to the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation to Craig's Grant.  It will be an on going fundraiser.  I am going to talk to MARF to see if they will help market the book as well. 

I am still working with the Meso Foundation and doing the Hope Center.  I am also still waiting for my new venture with the Simmons Firm to take off. (I am really excited about that)  So I think I will get busier and busier over the next several months.  I am keeping my promise to stay involved and hopefully make a difference.

ALSO, I am going on my Mediterranean cruise with my friends soon....Yippee!!

I will try to do a better job at the blog....I just thought people weren't reading

Believing....Shelly      (I think my book title should be BELIEVING....What do you think??)

I just went to see my brother Doug and his family in Lake Tahoe about 10 days ago.  It was a short but very nice visit.  I was able to spend one on one time with each of my nephews and their girlfriends, as well as my niece her husband and 6 month old son Ben.  I also spent a day with my brother going around the entire lake.  It was a beautiful day and we stopped at Emerald Bay and I also got him to go up in a para sail.  We had the option of 600' or 1200', of course I picked 1200' and it was a gorgeous view of the lake and mountains.  My brother would have been happy at 600'   Once he relaxed a bit and stopped worrying that they was no "safety line" I think he enjoyed it as well.

Then they through a birthday party for my nephew Joe on Sat.  It was a "white trash" themed party!!   So we ALL dressed the part. I completed my outfit with a black bra and a white "wife beater" tee.  Not to mention the much over done makeup and hair teased into knots.  It was fun and even got a knock on the door by the cops at one point.... But they left and when they realized we were just having a good time!

Craigbird:  Thanks for posting him Phyllis.  Yes he still comes faithfully.  Still has not missed a day.  Now here is a weird story.  My brother has a small bathroom off of his laundry room.  That I never use.  However, the night of the party the other bathrooms were full, so I went in there.  Hanging on his wall was a close up 5 x 7 picture of a Craigbird.  Just a bird in a white frame.  I went out and asked my brother if he knew that he had that picture....he didn't even know what I was talking about.  Of all the birds to have in his bathroom and the chance of me seeing it the night before I left and him not even realizing it was in there....another sign!!!  Craigbird was with me in Tahoe too! 

I am trying to put my life back in gear.  It is difficult to do when you are not sure which direction your life will be taking.  When you always had a plan, a dream, and someone who ALWAYS supported you in all of those things is gone....It really sucks.  I wish I could just feel supported, loved unconditionally again and happy.  I have to BELIEVE those days will come...but they seem so far off.

believing....Shelly

Its the best I could do in cropping - sorry!?!

I feel so witty with my car lingos!

Let's see,  I had Hazel this past 5 days or so while Kyle and Emily were on vacation.  She is sooo cute.  She reminds me of a puppy that you would make at "Build a Bear."  She has long and lanky legs and the most adorable face.  I enjoyed watching her however, I forgot how much energy a puppy has!!  She and Luke get along pretty good so that is a relief.

Kyle and Emily had a nice and relaxing vacation.  I think they needed to just get away and RELAX....so they did!  Beach, pool, eat....you know just a very laid back a relaxing time.

Craigbird is still coming every single day!!  My sister Linda looked the type of bird up and it is an Eastern Bluebird.  I took pictures of him and he didn't fly away while I did that either!!   I wish I knew how to post them so all of you could see how pretty he is and how and where he sits, I think you would be amazed.  This bird has not missed a day in probably 2 months now.  He is so out of his natural elements according to what my sister sent to me.  He likes open areas and nests in holes of trees.

I am going to see my brother Dougb & his family on Wednesday for a few days.  I think it will be a lot of fun.  I have never been to Tahoe in the Summer.  I have been in the Fall and in the Winter, so I am looking forward to seeing and enjoying the lake in the summer.  It will be a short but sweet visit.  My nephew Joe is having a birthday party on Saturday.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE!!  Then I fly out on Sunday.

My work is getting more interesting.  I don't know how much I can put on here yet, but it is a dream that I was hoping to start working on in about 5 years and now it is on my front door step.  So I am very excited about it.  It has to do with mesothelioma of course and my passion of working with patients and doctors.  But I really can't say more than that right now.  Just keep me in your prayers and thoughts that things keep moving forward and I keep gaining the confidence that I need to push myself beyond my comfort zones!

I am also suppose to be going to see Rob and Jill Cagel in late August (meso patient & his wife) in Illinois.  They are good friends and I look forward to seeing them.  Julie G. was interviewed by a local magazine about her story and then got a TV interview as well,  I was sooo proud of her.  She did an awesome job!!

Well, I guess that is it.  Thanks for reading.....

Believing....Shelly

Neutral - That is about the best way I can explain how I have been feeling this past week.  Not really moving forward and not really moving backwards.  I have been struggling with my emotions, responsibilities and feelings.  I have not been feeling as confident about my future as I did a week ago.  I feel like my life is on hold and I am having a hard time figuring out how to push myself to be happy right now....  I wish I could put into words the frustration I am having to deal with right now, but I cannot.  I know one day that I will be happy and have control of my life again, but right now I feel my life is not in my control!!

This is a strange blog...it is just me trying to journalize some feelings that I need to get out and as usual they end up here.  In some aspects I am doing very well, better than I thought I would, but in others I think I am failing.  I still like who I am becoming and I am comfortable in my own skin.  Although I am finding being alone is lonely.  Nights are the hardest and weekends aren't so great either.  I have gone to movies by myself and eating in restaurant alone is almost routine.  I feel that getting out and doing things by myself is much better than staying home, because that is very depressing.

I hope to regain direction soon.  Find inner peace and start to moving forward again.  I look forward to the day when I can blog that I am taking control of my life and finding happiness again.   I cannot tell you the last time I felt that I had "control" of my life.  Ever since Craig has been ill my life has been a roller coaster of emotions.  Emergency trips to doctors and flights to NY.  Vacations cut short and countless sleepless nights.  I would not change a thing, as a matter of fact I wish I was still on that roller coaster!!!

Sitting in neutral.  Hoping to find my way in the world soon.  Wanting to be happy sooner than later. 


believing...shelly

I hope all of you had a wonderful 4th of July.  Mine was kinda of strange.  I went to see Jerry and Linda Walther for dinner on Friday and that was great.  I met some of their friends and Jerry and Linda made me feel right at home.  Thanks for the invite!!

Emily and Kyle came over and stayed both Friday and Saturday nights.  I went shopping with Emily on Saturday and she finished picking up things to finish off decorating their condo.  She told me they spent Sunday hanging pictures and placing pictures in new frames.  They also bought some new furniture and now I think their condo is finally feeling their home. 

Hazel is sooo cute. She is up to 18 pounds, but she is doing very well with her obedience classes, except for walking on a leash!  She hates that...she wants to run free.  I will have her for a week when Emily and Kyle go to Florida.  They will be staying at Mary Jane and Loring's Condo.  It is beautiful and I know they will have a great time.  It is in Fort Meyers.

Sunday for some reason was just a bad day.  I don't really know why.  I just really missed Craig and I didn't even get dressed.  I just read and had a pity party.  But I am better now.

NOW about my bird!!!  I have a bird that is blue (Craig's favorite color) with a red breast, that sits FAITHFULLY, EVERY NIGHT on a 1" piece of wood that is the archway to my front door.  I can see it from the inside looking out.  He comes every evening and stays until dawn....then he is gone!!!  He has no nest, he looks uncomfortable perched on the 1" piece of molding, yet he comes everyday.   I think it is Craig watching the front door for me through the night.  My little guardian bird.  He will not fly away if I come in and out of the front door even with the dog.  I have stood underneath it and he just looks at me.  So I know this may sound strange, but I think it is a sign!!!  Craig is still watching over me and caring for me.  That little bird brings me joy every night.  I can't wait for him to come.  Believe it or not I have named the bird Craig. 

I hope you find happiness today.

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s.  Please keep Linda Weindel and her family in your prayers.  Her father passed away on July 3rd after a long battle with cancer.

I do not even know where to begin with my experience this past weekend.  Do I start by telling you how sad or how wonderful it was.  I think it best to start with the sadness because it got a lot better.  It was an amazing experience and I hope more of you will be able to attend in the future.  I will tell my personal story with a short photo journal.

Walking into the room  and seeing Craig's name on the Tribute Wall for the first time was overwhelming, to say the least. 



Then, Shelly added his photo to the 'candle' - joining those who had gone before him. Another emotional moment!



We then lit candles and placed them on the table in front of our loved one's name on the Tribute Wall. Shelly needed a little help - the darn lighters were not too easy to light.  We then walked over and put our candles under Craig's name.



Observing Emily as she looks at the wall and is amazed at how many families are suffering.  She was taking in the realization she is not alone in her pain.



But, it does gets better - Shelly received a standing ovation when their award was announced.  There was whistling and shouts of praise as she approached the podium.  I was shown again how much love there was in that room for my little sister and for Craig's memory. 



Shelly gave her profound acceptance and challenge to everyone to continue to fight for a cure.  (The background was black and I was too far away - but I did want to pass the photo along.)  She spoke from her heart and there was not a dry eye in the house.



Then, another standing ovation as she returns to her seat (she is in the middle in the red dress) - again, with whistles and shouting!  When it was all over she was swarmed by people seeking advise on fund raising and showing their personal support.  She raised 107K that night - the first time a plea for funding has ever been challenged at a Symposium.




Dr. Taub showing us his award.  He is a very quiet  and humble man.  You would never know by talking to him the impact he has had on so many lives.  I could see why Shelly and Craig thought so highly of him.  He is well respected and honored within the community.



Then, here is our wonderful Dr. Chabot who kept our darling Craigie alive for almost 11 yrs!  He took the microphone when everyone was done speaking - praising and honoring the life Craig lead with his supportive wife and daughter.  They only made his job that much easier. He is an amazing doctor - you could just see how much he loved the Kozicki's.  He was a pleasure to meet!  You would all just love him, too!!!



So, that was a snapshot of the weekend. I really do not know how supportive I was, I think I cried more than Shelly and Emily!  I was glad to be there and I hope I was support to them in some small way.

I love you, Shelly and Emily!

Phyllis (a.k.a. Auntie)

I am back from Washington DC with a very special award and very sore feet! 

I arrived in DC on Wed. and had dinner with some very special friends and ate WAY too much (that was the theme for the week(end).  After dinner I finally went to bed about midnight and did not sleep a wink...UGH!  Thursday was the day the rest of the meso patients arrived, some I know well and some I have talked to but have never met and then the newbies.  This day started at 7:30, everyone who knows me, knows what a morning person I am!! (again the theme for the weekend)  It was an emotional day as those who I know came in and we hugged and remembered Craig.  It was very difficult for many (me included) to see Craig's name on the
Tribute Wall and tears flowed easily through breakfast. 

We then all received our assignments to meet with our Senators and  Congressman on Capital Hill.  It was de'ja vu'.  I always hope it does some good, but I always feel the same way....tired and a bit unheard, even though they SEEM to listen.  I had Craig's picture, his ashes, and Julie G. had gathered 1000 signatures and ran me a copy to take with me to show support.  Thanks Julie!

Then it was back to the hotel....a bit of pool time!    Then we ate dinner at the hotel.  My sister Phyllis and brother-in-law Lee arrived just in time to eat and have a couple of drinks.  Emily arrived about 11:30.  I believe I behaved that night and was in bed.

Friday....This was the BIG day.  This was the official dedication of the Tribute Wall.  I had been doing REALLY well.  I was consoling other people that were having a hard time prior to today.  But, when I had to go and light a candle and move me feet towards the wall, I just couldn't move.  The tears came easily and the pain did too!  All four of us got up when I finally collected my self and I lit a candle and then Emily and I lit one together.  The meso community was very supportive and hugs came from all directions.

Afterwords we walked to have lunch....more food!  Then Emily and I went and laid by the pool for a couple of hours and then took a much needed nap.  It was then time for the Gala Dinner and my Acceptance Speech. (Carol posted it on Friday..thanks!)  It went over well.  I had to power through some parts.  But it was received well.  I was approached the rest of the night and on Saturday and was told by total stranger and people I knew as well, how inspiring my speech was, so that made me feel very good!  What I am really excited about is that in my speech I asked people to donate money to Craig's Grant...$50,000 was collected that night!!!!!!!!  WE are half way to fulfilling another grant in Craig's name.  Plus I challenged people to start their own fund raising effort.  Another $57,000 was collected as well!!!!!!  AWESOME!
 
A group of 12 of us went to dinner.  I have to say at one point I did have to go to the bathroom and broke down.  Someone went around and took pictures of all of the couples......    But the night was young.  We ended up back at the hotel bar.  YIKES!!  Kyle flew in at some point, but I think it was last call!  I had a couple of chocolate martinis...NEED I SAY MORE!!!    CELEBRATION.

Saturday.  It was time to tour DC.  We had breakfast and Phyllis and Lee dropped us off at the Washington Monument.  They went to the zoo and then went on to see Lee's family.  Thanks so much for coming and supporting me!  I know she said she would be posting some pics.  Sat. & Sun. The 3 of us then took DC by storm.  Seeing A LOT of it.  My feet hurt, my legs feel like lead, but it was great to spend time with Kyle and Emily.

So in closing.  It was a wonderful week(end).  I am hoping to come up with a new fundraiser to help get the next $50,000.  It sadden me when I heard the foundation only gave out 5 grants last year instead of 10 because of lack of funding!!  I hope you will help me to push on in Craig's name to get ONE more grant next year.

BELIEVING....Shelly
.

                                       

The Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation

Volunteer of the Year for the Meso Foundation


I would like to thank the Mesothelioma Foundation for honoring Craig and I with this award.  It meant a lot to Craig to know that he was receiving this prior to his death.  I thank you for letting him know before he passed.

I would like to once again remember the volunteers that have been recognized by the foundation in the past with this award. Klaus Brock, Nancy Buzinski and June Briet.  We are humbled to be named along with these amazing people.

There is also one other person that I would like to recognize and that is our daughter Emily.  She was only 12 when her dad, her hero was diagnosed with this horrific disease. At her age she could have easily taken the wrong path as we travel back and forth from Missouri to NY for treatments.  Instead she did nothing but make us proud.  Graduating at the top of both her high school and college classes.  So Emily it is because of you, that dad and I could take the time to help other people. 

About 11 years ago we went to see Drs. Taub and Chabot after Craig’s diagnosis.  As many are told, he was given 6 months to live.  Through the determination of both of his doctors and Craig’s unmatched will, Craig not only LIVED with his disease but he inspired and gave hope to many.  So the story of this award began way back then.   I would like to give you a brief history of why I am standing in front of you today.  Dr. Taub was always willing to push forward with treatments that were on the cutting edge.  Craig was always willing to do whatever he had to stay alive and advance the science for those that followed.  Thank you Dr. Taub for always being just a phone call away.  Dr. Chabot.  I know that Craig tested your skills more than once.  But never more than in 2006.  If it were not for you working on Craig for over 9 hours in the operating room and giving him that “slim chance” to make it through the night.  Followed by Craig’s determination over the next 4 months in the hospital, he would not have been there this past December to walk Emily down the aisle at her wedding.  We will be forever grateful to you.   

Now about Mary Hesdorfer, who at the time was Dr. Taub’s assistant.  If it were not for her I don’t think I would be standing here today.   Craig and I were in the hall outside of her office when I told her, how I felt like I was plunked on another planet.  How I felt nobody should have to go through this alone.  Mary agreed and without hesitation asked if we would like to talk to other patients.  Of course our answer was yes. Mary, who would have thought that one day our “little acorn” would have grown into a mighty Oak tree!!  Little did we know that Craig and I would not only begin talking to Drs. Taub and Chabot’s patients, but that one day Mary would start working for the Meso Foundation and we would be talking to several other doctors patients as well. Just a voice at the end of a phone line...giving hope when they felt there was none.  Craig often talked to patients about the protocols and what to expect from surgery and chemo treatments, even if he was in treatment or was healing from surgery himself.  I learned from the best teacher and I will continue to do what I have done for the past 11 years.  I will continue to be that voice on the end of the phone line as long as I am needed.

Now I would like to address another issue that is very important as well.  As you can imagine, having just lost Craig this past April I am as angry at the disease as anyone in this room is.  But what I would like to ask YOU to do is what I have done and that is to turn your anger into action for the Meso community.  It would be easy for me to walk away from this disease, the Meso community and say:  well I tried.  Because, I have nothing at stake anymore.  But that is not the case.  I have come to love and care for so many of you and I also promised Craig that I would continue to fight for what is right…And that is finding a cure and stopping the importing of asbestos into the US.  Raising $100,000 for research over a two year period was not done by me.  It was through the generosity of family and friends and companies and fundraisers.

Getting started is the hardest part.  Emily and I decided two years ago that Craig did not need more shirts or golf equipment for his birthday.  What he needed was a cure for Mesothelioma.  So we brainstormed and came up with an idea. Emily wrote a letter, including Craig’s story and asking for a donation in Craig’s honor to be sent to the Meso Foundation to The Craig Kozicki Grant.  We said a heart would be placed in our kitchen for each donation sent.  We sent that ONE letter to our Christmas card list, Craig’s work friends, Meso friends, everyone we could think of.  That ONE letter raised almost $14,000!!  We were 14% to our goal with one letter.

So many people over the years have asked me about fundraising.  How do you do it?  How do you get started?  I say all you have to do is ask!  So the last thing I am going to do tonight is hopefully inspire you, by showing you how easy it can be to start a fundraiser.  This has never been done at a symposium before, so this is not an easy thing for me to do…but I am going to ask.  Doctors, lawyers, pharmaceutical representatives, researchers, patients, caregivers, everyone in the audience.  A bowl has been placed on the table outside in the hall.  I am asking everyone to donate.  Whether it is $5 or $50 or more, please give to the Craig Kozicki Grant, checks and credit cards are accepted!!  However, if you would prefer to start your own Grant I would be even happier!  Set a goal and start your own fundraising effort.  The total amount collected will be announced tomorrow at breakfast.

Once again thank you again for this amazing honor. Craig and I were both humbled when we heard we were receiving this award.

Father's Day...This weekend is going to be a rough one.  I feel so helpless when it comes to Emily.  I miss Craig so much too.  I would always plan something for this day...a BBQ or dinner out, something.  Shop for just the right gift and card.  Now going and buying cards for my dad and his dad was VERY difficult!  I did have to wipe away a few tears in the aisle of Hallmark.  Especially when I passed by the "To My Husband" section.  

It also difficult because it is the first time I haven't had MY dad here for a very long time.  Plus I sent him a card and it had all the words and sentiment that I wanted him to know...but I just don't think he will understand.  So it is kind of a double loss this year.  I can't even call my dad because I don't think he would REALLY know me if I talked to him on the phone.  So I card and some cookies will have to do.... I just hope deep down he knows I love him!

I leave for the symposium on Wednesday.  My speech is written and I have read it to several people and they have given me the thumbs up.  So I am done trying to change and perfect it anymore, I am just going with it.  It is really just from the heart and I hope it inspires some people too!  I also have gathered a lot of ammunition for the Senators and Congressman.  I have tried to be nice the last few years.  This year, I am going with more fire in my belly.  I won't yell and scream, but I WILL show pictures and I will have Craig's ashes around my neck, HOPEFULLY that will make them listen a bit more intently. After the symposium I will ask Carol to post my speech, as I have had several people want to hear/read it.  But, I don't want EVERYONE to know what I am going to say or they will be bored at the acceptance speech

Cruise-Loring and Mary Jane Williams along with several of their friends are going to the Mediterranean in October and invited me to join them.  Well I was hesitant at first, but then my good friend Lisa Blanzy said she would go with me   So we are going from the 12-27. We will be going to Spain (2 days), Venice (2 days), France, Italy (Florence & Cannes), Croatia and Greece. I may have forgotten a port!!  But I am excited!!  It will be over mine and Craig's 29th anniversary on Oct. 25. so that will be good!

So I have been keeping busy making reservations and looking at ports and such.  Also, not being a very good writer, my speech has taken me quite a while to write and rewrite. 

I wish all of you a Happy Father's Day.  Keep Emily close to your heart.

Believing!!!!!   Shelly

BOOOO!!!  The Red Wings lost!  I am not a happy camper.  I was really pulling for them but it was not in the cards.  For all of you who are saying they are done....I believe I have heard that the last 3-4 years!  We still have plenty of young talent coming up, don't count us out!

I finally have a rough draft of my speech written.  It is about 3 pages long, font 16.  So I don't think it will take long maybe 10 minutes at the most.  I am so excited.  Dr. Chabot was NOT planning on coming in for the Gala dinner on Friday night.  I asked him if he would please come and since I was receiving the award for Craig and I and I would love for him to sit at my table.  He finally answered me today and said he could make it!!  Earlier he was not sure he could clear his calender...YEAH!!  It will be so nice to Drs. Taub and Chabot and or course dear, sweet Mary.

Phyllis, Lee and Emily are coming in late Thurs. night.  Friday is the Tribute Day, followed by the Gala dinner.  Friday night Kyle comes in and Sat. & Sun. we are planning a mini vacation to see some of DC.  As many time as I have been there I have never really seen the sights. So we are going to see some of the historical sights...it should be fun.

I went to Solutia on Friday for a plant wide award ceremony for safety.  It was nice that they invited me.  I enjoyed seeing many of Craig's work friends (my friends too!). 

I am getting back into walking.  I have started walking with Renee.  She is determined to get my butt moving and she is flexible, which helps.  I am also getting caught up on all of the paperwork!!  It seemed endless for awhile.  But things seem to be slowing down a bit. 

Nothing else really exciting.  Just keeping in touch.  Father's Day is this Sunday....Keep Emily in your thoughts, I know this is going to be a very rough day for her!

BELIEVING....Shelly